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Original poster

What to do online date?

87 replies

Shonamadash · 10/09/2023 23:37

1st post...matched online few weeks ago, gave his number then deleted profile! Met few days later for coffee then twice in the following week I went to his place.says he's looking to meet someone & not a fwb thing.we text every day, get on great on dates .now I know we're not exclusive & it's too early for that but my friend just messaged me today saying she saw him active on dating app.so he's deleted it after giving me his number then made a new 1 & obviously blocked me from seeing it.i hadn't deleted mine yet but mentioned to him I hadn't been on them. I know he's quite entitled to still be on them but weirded out that he's blocked me from seeing him.thoughts on what to do?both early 40s.no judge remarks about sex too soon thanks it's done.

OP posts:
hev126 · 11/09/2023 08:45

Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 08:28

@hev126 he said' here's my number I'm logging out this its mental' & then we moved to whatsapp, I popped bk online to look at his pix hours later & chat was gone so thought he'd deleted it, didn't know could have just unmatched, but then why unmatch? So I can't see he's online obvs which he'd be entitled to do.
He's now matched with friend so puts me in different position now!

Sorry op 💐

Sounds like he wants you to not be chatting to/dating anyone else and focussing on him. But at the same time he wants to keep his options open.

Ok, you're not exclusive so it's not 'cheating' but it's still shitty behaviour and says a lot about his character.

I'd make sure you and your friend have some fun with it at the very least

Loubelle70 · 11/09/2023 08:53

Id see it as deceitful. Id be upfront (because i havent time to waste on these sort if men)...id say 'hi...i thought youd deleted your dating profile? my friend was trying to match up with someone and found another new profile of yours. Could you explain this to me please?.
Either way, hes omitted info for his benefit and to make you think you're the only one and hes found his match. Definitely deceitful. I wouldn't date him on this alone.

Loubelle70 · 11/09/2023 08:55

Sorry didn't see other posts about unmatching, however its still a why?

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 09:06

She's been messaging him just now just basic chit chat but he's gave his number saying I'm never on this its awful. Yet I've not heard from him yet lol
Sounds cliche but I actually thought he was a decent guy! Think I'll message later today & just say along the lines of ' the weird moment when ur pal matches with the guy you're sleeping with' shitty behaviour I don't have time or patience for.

OP posts:
Workawayxx · 11/09/2023 09:08

Ive had a v similar experience in the past. I think some men like to get what they see as a “nice” woman (ie looking for a relationship) and date her into sex, (preferably early on) then say they are coming off the app(s) so that you do too as they want you to themselves but don’t feel like doing the same. They can also be cunning about making you feel like they really like you, there’s a future etc but then ime pretty unreliable in practice. Ends up just being all words.

with the guy I was seeing, the evening I realised he was still active, I ended up going on a different site that I’d been on before just to reassure myself there were other options and lo and behold there he was on that one too (he told me he’d never used it). He still messaged me from different phone numbers up to 6 years later. A friend said “well, it’s easier to fish the same hole”, I was clearly in some sort of sex messaging rotation list. So weird.

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 09:16

He said he was only on tinder & it was his friends idea lol I'll join badoo see if he's there! He was very kiss on the forehead hand on thigh while driving guy but I'm not stupid but at same time I'm kicking myself!

OP posts:
Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 09:18

Friend asked if he wanted to meet & he said coffee or drinks is good.

OP posts:
sodthesodoff · 11/09/2023 09:21

Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 09:18

Friend asked if he wanted to meet & he said coffee or drinks is good.

Oh I would turn up too...

Make him sweat

Sorry op. But yeah he's a shit head

Anyone who does the deleting/blocking thing just doesn't want you to see they're still very much active on the site

You deserve better. At least you haven't wasted too much time and effort on this one. You deserve much better

Letsbepractical · 11/09/2023 09:23

I’d call him out on his shitty behaviour, he fully deserves that, even if he won’t change his ways.

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 09:26

So he said he was at work message later & she said yeah maybe but I'm chatting to 5 others & he's unmatched her 😆

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 11/09/2023 09:46

Tbh i would have asked her to go on the date and both of you turn up at same time. He would have crapped himself. Dump him now. I wouldn't go into detail. Just say i see you have another dating profile (send him link,), i want exclusivity, therefore we are incompatible. Take care

ChristmasFluff · 11/09/2023 10:06

Och, I'd just block him and not give him a second thought. It's just twatty man stuff.

I have no problem with men multi-dating in the early days, but I would have a problem with someone seeming to delete their account in the first place - being the basket a stranger puts all their eggs in is a responsibility I don't want. And then to find out he was just being deceptive?

Nah, not worth so much as an explanation. He'll fully know why anyway, and won't care, and will use your text as something to laugh at with his equally crappy mates.

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 10:19

Yeah it's not the multi dating it's the blocking me or unmatching me that's the issue.im not looking to rush into anything quick but won't have the pee took out me!
Now trying to decide what to say knowing he'll be a typical guy saying I done it on purpose or something got my friend to search for him.quite tempted to arrange date & go to his house & see his reactions especially as he has read messages turned off on WhatsApp !!

OP posts:
GLORIAGloriarse · 11/09/2023 10:29

Is it worth getting into all of that after a few dates? If I'm honest there wasn't even full clarity as in 'shall we be exclusive?' 'Yes'.

Personally, as mentioned, it was important to me than a man was demonstrably interested and and enthused by me rather than trying to decipher grey areas of OLD etiquette. That is how you know there is potential (obv if its mutual).

There isn't really a 'gotcha' here. Either clarify things or call them off and move on.

Loubelle70 · 11/09/2023 10:33

GLORIAGloriarse · 11/09/2023 10:29

Is it worth getting into all of that after a few dates? If I'm honest there wasn't even full clarity as in 'shall we be exclusive?' 'Yes'.

Personally, as mentioned, it was important to me than a man was demonstrably interested and and enthused by me rather than trying to decipher grey areas of OLD etiquette. That is how you know there is potential (obv if its mutual).

There isn't really a 'gotcha' here. Either clarify things or call them off and move on.

I think OP knew it would be unreasonable to expect exclusivity after few dates, but the issue was his deceit. Its not the way to start and i agree get rid

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 10:34

That's the thing he did demonstrate he was into me & vice versa! Not only by words but actions.i thought there was potential & we both agreed we were looking to meet someone rather than have a fwb.therecwas no need for him to unmatch me on old in that 1st 2 days that gives the impression not really looking for other chats or dates.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 10:44

@Loubelle70 thank you! I wouldn't expect someone to delete their profile until exclusive chat.its the deceit.

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 11/09/2023 10:47

Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 10:44

@Loubelle70 thank you! I wouldn't expect someone to delete their profile until exclusive chat.its the deceit.

And id be unhappy about it too. I wouldn't continue with him. Hes a snake xxx

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/09/2023 10:49

WunWun · 11/09/2023 06:57

Likelihood is that he won't care at all. He doesn't give a shit about women. He'll just move on to the next

Agree

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 10:50

That's fine I'll move on to the next guy too 😆 x

OP posts:
SnackQueen · 11/09/2023 10:53

What a total fkwit. I'm so glad that you cottoned on to him early on. Good luck xx

MariePaperRoses · 11/09/2023 10:55

You're just a shag to him and probably one of many which is why he's blocked you from seeing his new profile.

Don't feed him any more of your time or body.

Pinklemons9 · 11/09/2023 11:30

Don’t text him, see if he messages you. I wouldn’t be looking to continue seeing this guy, it’s a red flag very early on!

Original poster
Shonamadash · 11/09/2023 11:39

@Pinklemons9 he always texts me. Most he's went is about 6 hours when at work!

OP posts:
hev126 · 11/09/2023 11:40

Has he still been messaging you today OP?

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