OK be honest please, how romantic is your (male) other half of you’ve been together for over twenty years…

[Thesmellofcutgrass77]

My dh and I have fallen in to the classic doldrums. We’ve been married over 27 years and together for six years before that. Young adult dc have left home …thought this might be an opportunity to spark a bit of romance but … nothing really … all perfectly pleasant … he’s happy with conversations about politics and food.

This isn’t about sex btw. That’s always been fine. I’m just looking for a bit of romance but feel free to tell me please if you think I am being silly or unrealistic.

I just wish men could comprehend how just a few simple romantic gestures can make the world of difference to a relationship and lift it out of the mundane.

I know not every woman feels the same way but I do and it’s important to me in a relationship that there’s some sort of spark there.

I try from my side: cooking his favourite foods and making sure I pack his favourite snacks for business trips - just small things like that - getting his clothes mended and buying him his favourite scent. He sometimes reciprocates with presents but this is more about gestures than material things really.

He’s dreadful when we go to a restaurant together for example. He has virtually nothing to say as he’s usually tired from his work day and he just sits in silence listening to everyone else’s conversations.

Acts of service!

Indeed! A while back I found myself in an extremely unpleasant and awkward situation that I feared I'd have to deal with alone and OH stepped in and dealt with it himself. I'd been absolutely dreading it and was so relieved.

If I get up in the night in winter to use the loo, he lets me put my cold feet on his legs. True Love.

On a more positive note, theres some lovely stories here. Xxx

Yes I think you are right CantFindtheBeat it’s about connection. My dh is definitely all about ‘doing’rather than ‘saying’ and I do appreciate that. I know it’s more important than anything else really.

I think there’s a distinct possibility that he thinks he is showing how much he loves me by doing all the things he does, but I am not interpreting it in the same way that he does.

I’ve been with my DH for 28 years, he doesn’t do flowers etc but every time he does a food shop he’ll buy all my favourite foods. If I see a destination on TV I like the look off he’ll suggest we book a holiday there, if I’m ill he’ll worry about me and buy me all the medicine I need. If I go to empty the bin or get something from a high cupboard/lift something heavy he’ll offer to do it.

Been married 43 years, no children. DH is pretty romantic. He buys me flowers or a nice plant (I love houseplants and have over 100) fairly often.

He will sometimes come home from work with a little gift like my favourite chocolate (turkish delight), one of my favourite cakes (portuguese tart or cannoloni).

He tells me he loves me every day. Always gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me first thing in the morning, again when he goes to work and again when he gets home. Not everyone would like that but I do.

We hold hands a lot. When we go out for a meal we never stop talking.

Of course he drives me mad occasionally (he is very untidy which annoys me) but I feel very lucky that we are still so happy and in love and I trust him totally

I don’t really consider my husband romantic, but he’s incredibly kind and thoughtful.

He buys me lovely gifts, often comes home with flowers, writes gorgeous things in cards, cooks or prepares everything I eat and puts me first every single day. Is that romance? Possibly not, but he’s very devoted and I feel lucky to have him.

That is beautiful ❤️

It’s only in fairly recent times that humans are living long enough to be together this long.

I think it’s amazing anyone can do it well.

I think if my DH and I set out to do overtly 'romantic' things like a candlelit restaurant meal it'd be fairly hopeless. But we put the emphasis on new experiences together - holidays, concerts, day trips, rarely going to the same place twice so it's all evolving. I don't make comparisons with how things were 30 years ago but concentrate on now, if you see what I mean.

As you can imagine, money for presents, nights out is quite tight, so we do try and make it more gestures like that than say a new perfume or something. He took ds out to the park earlier and came back with a daisy chain they'd made for me too, not romantic but very sweet.

Thank you, this is excellent advice. You are right. There’s no point in pretending we are the same people we were pre-dc. We’re really not. I think it’s perhaps a lack of a clear shared “vision” for the future that’s contributing to my feeling a bit lost in the relationship.

I think it’s perhaps a lack of a clear shared “vision” for the future that’s contributing to my feeling a bit lost in the relationship.

We found we needed to get to a place where the world held some unknowns and jangled our senses a bit in order to start sharing new dreams and moving forward, if that makes sense.

Coming up to 35th anniversary. He's not romantic at all - but then he's not really a 'thinking of other people' type person in general, which is something he is often reminded of jokingly by one of his friends.
I know he's bought me an anniversary card and he booked a table for a meal out on our anniversary but I think to him it's more a duty and he likes that restaurant

Yes it does, thank you very much ScribblingPixie great advice 👍