Letting this out. Soulmate/married/unhappiness.

[Whatevenisthis23]

It does take a kinda ‘spiritual’ person to kind of understand some of the things I’m going to say.
I just need to get this data out somewhere.
I know what wrong and right is.

If anyone has done any work regarding soulmates/twin flames etc, this will all make sense. Not so much of this is new to you.

My situation - I’m with my partner (2 kids 11 +6) and am only staying for my kids and because it is easier.
We run businesses together and although I would happily still run the businesses together, I know he would struggle to cope.

I’ve never been attracted to
my partner. Ever. We met whilst I was on rebound of heartbreak 11 years ago.
The rest is history.
Is it poor of me to keep staying? Absolutely, but I’m thinking of my kids happiness.
We don’t ‘shout’ or scream at each but do have a lot of different options and small arguments.
I always make sure the kids are unaware or do not hear disagreements.

To cut this short a little, although he works a lot of hours of the businesses, there wouldn’t be any businesses if it wasn’t for me, therefore making me the breadwinner.

He tricked me into thinking he was financially stable when we got together.
2 kids later and I discover he’s in £££ of debt and hasn’t paid his taxes for 10+ years.
I was left to pick up the pieces from that with my accountant…

I done absolutely everything.
the house. The kids.
the school stuff.
cook dinner.
he won’t even clean the toilet after his been 🤢
I also manage all the finances, and am trying to clear the debt built up from having to bail him out a million times.

Now he is a good man in the sense that he puts the hours in, and isn’t abusive etc but honestly, I have absolutely had enough.
Its a feeling of… I want a partner whom can at least pick up some of my slack or remember at least one For me!

deep down he knows I’m tired of it all.
we even went to counselling once so I could try and get my point across and I remember leaving the session thinking, I still felt the same.

I decided to trust him to pay ONE bill. The council tax.
2 months later and bailiffs are at our house from the council demanding the money PLUS the fees.
ONE BILL!!!! We had the money!! He couldn’t even be bothered to do that.

it’s like he has no sense of urgency or responsibility.

Now… to the soul mate stuff…
Theres a married man… (yes … I know… )
We have connected, just clicked. I feel him looking at me. I can’t stop thinkiNg about him all day and night and this has been going on close to 10 months now.

We only rarely converse face to face at certain meetings and very rarely alone. Also converse more via message but it’s always ‘professional’.

I don’t want to ruin his life… that isn’t the plan.
But I just cannot understand myself!?

He doesn’t necessarily look okie someone I thought I’d like, he’s got a very happy life and then certain things occur,

1. making conversation in a room full of others with ME only.
2. catching him looking at me
3. see that he engages with my social media stories and updates … there’s more i can’t remember them all but all these scenarios lead me to think he probably does fancy me to some extent. I didn’t just decide I liked him, it was a built case of undeniable scenarios. Now, nothing is planned to happen with this guy and I don’t wish to as I’m not here to tear apart families and I believe I’ve made him ‘realise’ or at least ‘try’ with his marriage (he’s been married 20+ yrs) as he, out of blue started sharing his ‘love’ for wife, updating profile pics that literally haven’t been touched for over 10 yrs etc… just seemed a bit odd. Also before the last few updates above in the last 6 weeks or so, prior to this he was liking, commenting etc on my stuff but completely ignoring posts his own wife had tagged him in… which I thought was a bit odd.

Anyway, ya know how they say you physically look a bit like your true love, well we look alike.
It’s like I’m drawn to him.
I want to stop this charade before I say something stupid and fk up my life completely.

So thanks for reading everyone, I just really wanted to get this all off my chest.
I don’t have any best friends or close friends as they all couldn’t cope with my business success (so weren’t true friends after all…)

Maybe you are brother and sister😉

U must be new here 🙈 prepare to be flamed 🤣🤣

If this is real... 😂😂😂

You can't be fucking serious, you think a random man in the office ls madly in love with you based on the fact he looked at you and spoke to you?

Sounds like you're very bored at home and are desperate for a bit of excitement so are imagining all kinds of things. I should think if you actually spoke to him about this he would think you're a nut job and probably go home and laugh about it with his wife.

Imo if it was an undeniable burning twin flame kind of love then surely fate would also dictate you both meet when you were single and available. Also he probably wouldn't be sharing facebook posts about how much he loves his wife, just saying.

You're reading far too much into this married man who really isn't paying you any special attention. It was honestly a bit embarrassing just reading about it.

😂😂😂😂 thanks for the giggles OP I needed that today

Hi OP. I had a similar infatuation with a colleague, I imagined that he had feelings for me and daydreamed about him. It got to the point where my ex kissing my cheek made me feel like I was 'cheating' on my crush. I used to dream about him.
So I realised that this wasn't healthy. I didn't want to live to see someone or cry walking home from work on a Friday as it would be two whole days before I saw him again. I left my unhappy relationship. It had been essentially over for about five years.
And guess what?
My attraction went away. I thought about the colleague and thought nah why bother? Why try to pursue another relationship? I just focussed on myself, got a new job and I'm happier than ever.
It was never about the other guy! That was just a maladapted way of escaping my reality. My happiness is off the scale now, not having to constantly feel put upon or resentful of my ex.
I think this is your problem too.
It's not about the other guy.
It's your shit relationship.
Reassess that, take time out and then reconsider your feelings about the other guy.
Imagine that in six months you could pass him in the street, say hi and not feel anything. Because that's my reality now.

The two issues are entirely unrelated. Maybe you are a twin flame or soul mate with this other man, but you’re both married and you’ve said you wouldn’t do anything. So it’s completely irrelevant. What is relevant is your awful husband. why are you not leaving?

Leave your husband.

Stop being weird about the other man. You're noticing human interaction not soulmatedness.

FYI saying you look like your true love... you also look like your genes and your family. Survival of the fittest is genes trying to continue into future generations. Therefore people are attracted to people with similar genes to them.

It's not spiritual it's scientific.

You are projecting what's missing from your relationship onto this married man. You are just subconsciously looking for the things that are missing from your marriage. The feelings you have are not real and your mind is playing tricks because your needs are not being met in your marriage. You need to get this in check before you regret it and waste time on someone who is unavailable. Put as much space between you and this other man as you can. Perhaps take some individual counselling to help get your head straight on your feelings and face the reality of the situation, which is to address your marriage.

Op I am an actual pagan. I am as spiritual as they come.

You are being ridiculous. Your whole posts stinks of ‘I am so great however life just happened to me. I am not happy but it’s not my fault. Now I want to shag a man at work and it’s cause twin flames. It’s not my fault again’. It’s complete ego boosting but mixed excuses as to why your life is unhappy.

You made a series of decisions that led you to here. Where you are unhappy. Your choices haven’t worked out well that for you but they were your choices. You are choosing to pretend this is some great love story or that all his actions are a response to you. Your choice to keep investing in this story in your mind, will lead to you own unhappiness.

You are an active participant. Stop pretending life just happened to you. That you can’t help any of this.

On one hand there’s such a huge amount of ego about how you impact these men’s lives so much your dp wouldn’t have anything if it wasn’t for you, what he has is because of you. Then this other man’s actions are all in response to you. You, drive all his actions and decisions. You are so important and he is so dazzled by you, he can only act with you in mind. Couldn’t possibly be his wife of 20 years. It’s definitely you.

How can you believe you hold such power, but also no power at all and your unhappiness isn’t down to you at all.

You genuinely believe anything he does slightly different must be because of his feelings for you? That his actions all lead back to you. That’s a huge amount of ego you have there. If you are spiritual at all, you know you need to do some work there.

My OH tricked me into marrying him when he wasn't attracted to me by pretending he wanted to be with me because he was on the rebound and didn't have anyone else. He thought he did everything in our relationship and was amazing at it. He found everything I did not good enough. Then he spent 25 years totally infatuated with one person or another, absolutely convinced they were in love with him based on completely weird shit. Turned out he ticked all the boxes for covert narcissism. Just saying OP.

two separate issues:

your partner not being abusive does not make him "a good man". that's an absolute minimum. He is not a good partner - you cannot depend on him, he's irresponsible and actively lied to you by hiding his debt. If you don't feel attracted to him you are well within your right to leave and cut your loses

as for your crush - there is nothing spiritual about a married man liking your posts. its just a crush, everyone experiences them at certain points in our lives. if he is hoping for something then you would be swapping an irresponsible liar for a cheater

if you enjoy having problems in your life get a raccoon as a pet - it will still cause mess, but having trash spread across a kitchen floor will be less messy than the situation-ship you're thinking of getting into

You're being foolish, OP. Just meeting someone's eyes across a room and having a sort of 'vibe' from that does happen, but it means absolutely nothing, it doesn't mean they are a soulmate or anything else. It's just physical attraction. You are particularly vulnerable to it because your own relationship doesn't have that spark.

I think you are bored and fed up in your marriage and are looking for some excitement and that frisson you get when you lust after someone. I also think what you ought to do is to leave your DH and find out who you are and what you really want out of life instead of chasing some impossible pipe dream.

OP do you have some sage sticks?

Also OP, do not take @Fuckthatguy 's user name as a secret message to have an affair

Sorry OP, but this fantasy has emerged because you are bored and unsatisfied in your relationship.
Your crush is happily married and from what you've written l see no indication that he is interested in you. It all sounds like fairly normal interactions which you have read more into because you want to see a connection. He is certainly not your twin flame because there's no such thing, and the fact you look alike might be part of the attraction.
I think the best thing you could do would be to leave your unfulfilling relationship, and enjoy your freedom and your real life opportunities.

Oft, thank god you didn't post this under AIBU because you'd be eaten alive!

I want to stop this charade before I say something stupid and fk up my life completely.

Stop thinking about him and stop posting about him - you are merely feeding your obsession.

Twin flames is utter tripe beloved by the likes of loonies such as Meghan whatsherface and Spud Gun Kelly, Angelina and Billy and their vials of blood etc.

You don't like your partner and your emotional state has caused you to fixate on someone and invent things in your mind that he is a knight in aging armour.

Split up, stand on your own two feet whilst your young children get used to mummy and daddy splitting up and daddy living elsewhere and when the children are settled and happy then you can think about meeting someone else.

Look up limerence OP. This married man hasn't actually given you any real signs he's into you - it's all your interpretations of what you think his behaviour might mean.

An alternative interpretation...maybe he's being more visible with his wife on social media because he realised you'd got the wrong idea, you've been creeping him out with your attention and he's trying to make sure you know he's married and not interested?

You need to address the issues in your own relationship, or leave your current partner before you start looking for someone new. It'll just be messy otherwise.

Sorry op but I'm with everyone else here. There is nothing profound going on here that only people who are spiritual can understand. You're married to a twat and now you're working yourself up to have an exit affair. It's about as cliche as it comes, nothing mystical about it. Like most people you don't want to be held responsible for any of your choices, so you plan to stay married "for the children" until you meet someone you can leave for "because it was fate". If you want to stay then stay or if you want to leave then that's fine, but you're doing it because you chose to, not because the universe forced your hand.

So something very similar happened to me. For me it was a single ex that showed some interest and I told my husband about it. It made me realise that my marriage wasn't what I thought it was - we had months of marriage counselling but the damage was done and we split up 6 months later.

It was the best thing for both of us and although it was hard for my 2 kids (the teen especially) they are happy, I'm happy and my ex who I have good co-parenting relationships with is also happy. And me and the single ex didn't get together (although are still friends) and it wasn't really about him anyway . Life is harder in some ways but so much easier in others - splitting up doesn't have to be the end of the world.

You've not met your soul mate - you've developed a crush on a man you hardly know, who is therefore easier to idolise. You've done this because you've married a wanker.

Honestly, divorce him rather than contemplating (or actually) cheating, and find someone who you can have an actual relationship with who treats you like a partner rather than his mother.