Letting this out. Soulmate/married/unhappiness.

[Whatevenisthis23]

It does take a kinda ‘spiritual’ person to kind of understand some of the things I’m going to say.
I just need to get this data out somewhere.
I know what wrong and right is.

If anyone has done any work regarding soulmates/twin flames etc, this will all make sense. Not so much of this is new to you.

My situation - I’m with my partner (2 kids 11 +6) and am only staying for my kids and because it is easier.
We run businesses together and although I would happily still run the businesses together, I know he would struggle to cope.

I’ve never been attracted to
my partner. Ever. We met whilst I was on rebound of heartbreak 11 years ago.
The rest is history.
Is it poor of me to keep staying? Absolutely, but I’m thinking of my kids happiness.
We don’t ‘shout’ or scream at each but do have a lot of different options and small arguments.
I always make sure the kids are unaware or do not hear disagreements.

To cut this short a little, although he works a lot of hours of the businesses, there wouldn’t be any businesses if it wasn’t for me, therefore making me the breadwinner.

He tricked me into thinking he was financially stable when we got together.
2 kids later and I discover he’s in £££ of debt and hasn’t paid his taxes for 10+ years.
I was left to pick up the pieces from that with my accountant…

I done absolutely everything.
the house. The kids.
the school stuff.
cook dinner.
he won’t even clean the toilet after his been 🤢
I also manage all the finances, and am trying to clear the debt built up from having to bail him out a million times.

Now he is a good man in the sense that he puts the hours in, and isn’t abusive etc but honestly, I have absolutely had enough.
Its a feeling of… I want a partner whom can at least pick up some of my slack or remember at least one For me!

deep down he knows I’m tired of it all.
we even went to counselling once so I could try and get my point across and I remember leaving the session thinking, I still felt the same.

I decided to trust him to pay ONE bill. The council tax.
2 months later and bailiffs are at our house from the council demanding the money PLUS the fees.
ONE BILL!!!! We had the money!! He couldn’t even be bothered to do that.

it’s like he has no sense of urgency or responsibility.

Now… to the soul mate stuff…
Theres a married man… (yes … I know… )
We have connected, just clicked. I feel him looking at me. I can’t stop thinkiNg about him all day and night and this has been going on close to 10 months now.

We only rarely converse face to face at certain meetings and very rarely alone. Also converse more via message but it’s always ‘professional’.

I don’t want to ruin his life… that isn’t the plan.
But I just cannot understand myself!?

He doesn’t necessarily look okie someone I thought I’d like, he’s got a very happy life and then certain things occur,

1. making conversation in a room full of others with ME only.
2. catching him looking at me
3. see that he engages with my social media stories and updates … there’s more i can’t remember them all but all these scenarios lead me to think he probably does fancy me to some extent. I didn’t just decide I liked him, it was a built case of undeniable scenarios. Now, nothing is planned to happen with this guy and I don’t wish to as I’m not here to tear apart families and I believe I’ve made him ‘realise’ or at least ‘try’ with his marriage (he’s been married 20+ yrs) as he, out of blue started sharing his ‘love’ for wife, updating profile pics that literally haven’t been touched for over 10 yrs etc… just seemed a bit odd. Also before the last few updates above in the last 6 weeks or so, prior to this he was liking, commenting etc on my stuff but completely ignoring posts his own wife had tagged him in… which I thought was a bit odd.

Anyway, ya know how they say you physically look a bit like your true love, well we look alike.
It’s like I’m drawn to him.
I want to stop this charade before I say something stupid and fk up my life completely.

So thanks for reading everyone, I just really wanted to get this all off my chest.
I don’t have any best friends or close friends as they all couldn’t cope with my business success (so weren’t true friends after all…)

I do believe in deep, spiritual love. However, this is not it. Absolutely no indication really that he feels anything for you.

the twin flame trope can be insidious and used as a way to justify completely deranged behaviour. I’ve read about people being on the receiving end of restraining orders from their supposed twin flame, only to ignore them because ‘they just can’t handle the intensity of the love they feel deep down’. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think some people can experience a deep, profound, transformative connection, built on genuine unconditional love. In which case, you don’t experience obsession like this because it is love without attachment.

You’re unhappy and indulging in a fantasy.

You don’t have to be spiritual on any way to understand this. Several introductory paragraphs portraying yourself as a victim of a useless partner and a victim of life circumstances, usually means one thing is about to show up: “I want to cheat”.
And there it was.
You can sort your life out without cheating, it is actually possible.
If this is a real thread, then it reads like a teenager is writing it.
Be an adult. Take responsibility for your part in your life so far, decide what you want to change in your current relationship, take steps to change things, if things don’t change, end your relationship. Meddling in another man’s marriage and he potentially meddling in yours will end in terrible heartache and pain for all involved.
Time to grow up, stop romanticising your emotional infidelity and teenage level obsession and tell your husband.

The new man isn't your soulmate, he's an avatar for your loneliness and frustration at being married to someone you don't love. You need to end your marriage for everyone's sake. It's not going to get better. And don't kid yourself that your kids don't know; of course they do.

What in the Take a Break problem page have I just read?

Read this. Then read it again. And again until it sinks in.

Then leave your husband.

I think you genuinely sound a bit delusional. This is in your head.

Your husband sounds like an arsehole and you’re subjecting your kids to this too. Winner

Im calling BS on this. I work for a charity that provides financial help for people struggling financially. Theres not a chance in Hell that you miss one payment of council tax and 2 months later Baliffs are at your door. It takes up to 10 months of continued non payment before it even gets to court and then there will be MULTIPLE letters and attempts at contact before this. As Blackadder would say, this is fishier than Baldricks apple crumble.....

@Redannie118

...as you say, fishier than a trout in a pair of salmon leather breeches...

This is a shite plot for a book

Basically your H is pretty shit, you don’t fancy him and there’s nothing left of your marriage. Completely unsurprisingly you’ve developed a massive crush on someone and your brain wants it to be more than it is so is spinning you a yarn about something it’s not. See the crush for what it is but use it as a spur to get out of your marriage with sone dignity and without a full blown affair (with someone else if not this man) making everything a million times more complicated and acrimonious.

OP, there is no such thing as "soulmates". There is no such thing as "twin flames". You may or may not need to make changes in your life, I don't know, but please don't just replace one man with another for flimsy reasons.

What a complete load of bollocks. OP is either a bot, an idiot or making it all up for unknown reasons.

Op this thread is not going to go the way I imagine you had hoped.

I get it. I'm in a shit relationship too and I daydream about random men at work. It's all in your (and my) head I'm afraid. It's a fantasy. If it helps you get through the days better then fair enough but this kind of sensationalism won't do you any favours. It's a nice distraction from your life. That's it.
Do not act on it or thing there is some higher meaning as there isn't.
Can you leave your husband? Your marriage sounds dead.

That's what I thought when I read it. So, lie about one thing....

That's what I'm meant to have quoted ^

@Whatevenisthis23

"I don't have any best friends or close friends as they all couldn't cope with my business success ( so they weren't true friends after all . . )

Have you thought this may be very outing for you ?

Spiritual? In a way... subconsciously youre after a way out of your present relationship. I used to believe in soulmates, until i was constantly hurt, i now dont believe in soulmates. I think youre trying to justify your crush, however your husbands a douche. Best scenario? Leave your husband, dont pursue this OM and have time to yourself to find yourself.

I think you're deeply deeply unhappy.

I don't think the reason you don't have friends is because of your business success, it's possibly because you're self absorbed.

Your husband is a twat. Leave him.

This bloke isn't your soul mate. You have made him in to a fantasy because you have absolutely nothing you like in your life, so you've had to make something up. You are obsessed with him, to the point that if the sexes were reversed, this would be scary stalker territory.

😂😂😂😂

@Alwaysdecorating fellow Pagan here and I agree 100% with every word you have written. Ego, ego, ego!

Pagan here too (wiccan) 😊.

As you say...they probably had a pink debt letter from council tax after 2 month but bailiffs take longer. I missed 1 payment when i switched jobs, by a week lol and had a pink letter l, i was wtf lol. Paid it but i cant see bailiffs being out that quick.

You are obviously unhappy in your marriage and are fixating in this other man as an attempt at escape from that I happiness rather than actually doing the right thing and ending your marriage.

When you describe your husband it could be me writing that. I understand what having to do EVERYTHING because the other person can´t even spell the word "responsibility". It is so draining, mentally and physically.
But, the second part about married man reads like my Snoopy diary I wrote into when I was 15. I came accross it last winter (I am 49 now) and chuckled as I re-read it all the way through...soulmates, hehe.
WE have to do something about the husband situation, the rest is just red herring.

The other man is a deflection from the real issue, which is that your current relationship is crap and you need to get out.

Having an affair would certainly give you an excuse to leave, but you already have all the excuses you need.

The issue is you aren't brave enough to leave, so you are fantasising about some guy you barely know.

he is a good man in the sense that he puts the hours in, and isn’t abusive - talk about having low standards! LTB.