Why so pervy?

[Melly78]

So, I'm giving online dating another try. I came out of a six-month relationship two months ago.

Two of the guys I was chatting to before my relationship are back in touch with me.

One of them I really fancied. I actually knew him IRL and had fancied him for years. He saw me on the dating site and asked me out. We went for coffee. I have my nose pierced. After ten minutes, he asked me if I also had my clit pierced. Really? We're having coffee! We're in our forties! Just calm down!

The other one was very very lovely. I didn't really fancy him, but he was a very sweet guy and we had a lot of lovely messages. He's very articulate and kind. I was thinking of giving him a chance because he's so nice. But last night, he wanted to send me a dick pic. We haven't even met. I just don't get it.

Why do these men seem to want to skip the initial stages of a relationship? I've had a couple of long-term relationships and a few shorter ones. The sex comes naturally. When I'm ready. And then I bloody love it! I'm not a prude. Let's have it off as often as we can! But, ffs, why can't they just get to know women first?

Is this the way it is now? Are women willingly accepting dick pics before they've actually seen the dick with their own eyes? If a partner wants to send me a naughty pic when we're in a relationship, I don't mind - it doesn't turn me on, but I wouldn't flip out about it. But why can't they just hold their horses a bit and wait?

I'm worried that I'm just not modern or liberated enough or something. But I just don't like sex unless I like the person and have a bit of a rapport/feelings for them.

Should I give up? Are most women into this new way of going about things?

I mean, dicks are pretty ugly-looking things at the best of times.

Help!

You have to kiss ( or not!!) a lot of frogs ...etc.
Dont give up... just be choosy... throw the sad ones back.

My first thought: At least he asked before sending you the dick pic

haha (but also 🙄)

Keep rummaging in the box of shite, and hopefully you’ll find a diamond before your hands get too dirty.

Sadly it’s not uncommon and I’m in my 50’s! The amount of blokes who think sex talk after a day or so is appropriate.

Ive cancelled dates with 2 guys who both decided I needed to see naked photos the day before we met so i knew what I was getting apparently 🤷‍♀️

My friend had a date last week which she thought went really well. She messaged thanking him and he replied telling her he’d just had a.wank imagining doing her from behind - I mean wtf???

I could have written this myself. Its discouraging. However, i know what i don't want. No youre not a prude, you have standards and morals and don't think every woman accepts this behaviour, i sure a hell dont. I want a classy guy (or woman )who's not crude, chavvy etc etc. Thing is that some women think they have to accept this behaviour to get on the dating ladder, they're devaluing themselves imho. Yet again its the man getting what he wants asap. Im not down with that. Id rather be single. I dont think all men are like it OLD.. but a lot think theyre that hot (not) that they have the pick of the crop..they dont. Im old fashioned, far from a prude, but, i think theres odd guy out there that has some class.. until i meet him/her..im fine doing my own thing. Boundaries are precious, use them and font placate these men. Tell them its unacceptable and youre not interested...its crass. You deserve better

Yuk at wank 🤢. Fine if in long term relationship, but far from charming if just met. Chancers chancing it eugh

That bit about the wanker belongs on a "bye Phillipe" site.

Haha

I just wonder how much success they're getting. How many wonderful relationships start on that basis? "Oh, I sent her a dick pic and then we fell in love". Both these guys have said they want long-term relationships. I told them both off and they apologised. I don't know whether to drop them back in the pond or give them another chance. I know men view sex differently from women. I get that. But it's just a shame that we can't get to know each other first and develop a bit of a bond before we let rip!
I have a DC on my own. I don't have the spare time to be chatting to men, feeling a bit hopeful, and then getting an eyeful of phone cock before I've even had sip of espresso with them.

Why do these men seem to want to skip the initial stages of a relationship?

The trick is to find out what they mean when they say they want a long term relationship. Do they really want a companion with whom to share their life, or do they mean that they want to have sex on tap without needing to put in any effort ?

So the trick is to find out what they actually mean and find one whose 'want' is compatible with what you want.

Tricky.

As PP mentioned, there are a lot of frogs out there just waiting to be kissed.

Personally i would move on. Its just cheap isnt it?. They're showing you who they are quite quickly, so id be thankful for that. You owe them nothing. Theres other dates but i would put on profile, no dick pics nor inappropriate language please. Im strict though lol

Maybe give the first guy another chance as you do fancy him at least, though I do admit that comment was a bit too forward and I'd never dream of asking that sort of question on a first date. Well done on pulling him up on that and hope you have more positive experiences.

On a light hearted note on the second guy have people (blokes at least!) been getting too many ideas from Naked Attraction in feeling the need to show what their private parts look like before dating?! Good luck!

This!

Apart from I wouldn't put no dick pics - if they're the kind of man to send one I would rather know.

😂. Tbh if he read no dick pics and he sent dick pics as a habit to women OLD, i think he would move onto easier pickings(unless hes a douche)..ive had that many dick pics over the years..sadly im never impressed by size, shape...i can smell it through the screen 🤣 🤢.

They have to now it's illegal to send unsolicited ones. It's flashing isn't it? Digital flashing.

Ignore any man who goes straight to these kind of things is my advice @Melly78

They don't want a relationship. They want free adult content.

It's just so grubby isn't it?

The thing with Apps though - it just makes things feel transactional. And impersonal. I'm sure there are men out there sending 100 dick pics a day in the hope that one person will reply with "OMG you're the guy for me!" 🙄

I don't know the answer. Is it possible to have something in your profile that says you like to get to know people gradually/slowly?

I don’t think it matters what you put on your OLD profile, the chancers will still try.

I was very clear that ONS or FWB wasn’t for me but still got the men saying ‘you would have sex first date with me’ that sort of thing.

It’s so grubby. I had a first message from a bloke saying ‘surely it would be rude not to mention your cracking breasts’ and another saying I had an arse he would love to grab when I’m on top.

What response do these jokers honestly think they’re going to get?

@SamW98

Oh god, they're grim!

There's just no effort to see the other person as a human being is there?!

But last night, he wanted to send me a dick pic. We haven't even met.

I really hope you told him what a pathetic loser he is.

A lot of guys use dating sites as hookup for sex type sites. Those that do this will skip polite steps or speed them up, to see if you are up for a hookup or not.

My mouth actually opened when you said he asked if you had your clit pierced. I am sorry you have to deal with men like this.

Me too.. i was 🤢. Tbh i would have excused myself straight after that comment and left.

Op, I thought you sounded great until you said you are thinking of giving them another chance. Wtf?
Above all else, protect your dc from potentially ever having to meet these men.

Yeah, dick pic guy won't be getting another chance. On top of the fact that he wanted to send it, he also told me that he was still in a relationship. So, that tells me who he is. He said it was "coming to an end". But either you're single, or you're not. All it tells me is that you'd do the same to me. I felt sad for whoever it is he's with.

Clit piercing guy has apologised. I think he thought he was being a bit daring. They just get it so wrong sometimes. We have actually "known" each other for years. We're not friends, but we see each other around a lot. So, maybe the fact that he was out of a date with me caused him to get a bit carried away. I don't know. He's asked me to give it another chance. I used to really have a crush on him. He seems decent. I reckon he got the wrong end of the stick. He assures me he wants a serious relationship. I don't know. He's asked me if I'm free over the weekend.

It's a hard one because I obviously don't want to shut down all flirting. And I feel like I'm doing that a bit now. Or that I would the next time someone flirts with me.

In my last relationship, we went out quite a few times before doing anything sexual. And that's what I liked about him. He didn't mention it until it happened. And then he was pretty wild. Once the floodgates are open, I don't mind sexting and keeping things interesting. I just don't want to talk about it first. I want to find out who they are. I want them to ask about me. It seems pretty straightforward. But apparently not.

I might get a dick pic from the Internet and send it to Dick Pic Guy. I'll tell him I decided I wanted to show him mine first.

I might get a dick pic from the Internet and send it to Dick Pic Guy. I'll tell him I decided I wanted to show him mine first

🤣🤣🤣🤣

It wont hurt going on another date with the clit guy lol. Glad you got rid of dick pic though. You don't have an obligation to date clitty long term lol but he may have just been trying to be riske..he now knows thats a no and hes asked you on a date, give it a go..but walk even half way through a date if he gets course x