Why so pervy?

[Melly78]

So, I'm giving online dating another try. I came out of a six-month relationship two months ago.

Two of the guys I was chatting to before my relationship are back in touch with me.

One of them I really fancied. I actually knew him IRL and had fancied him for years. He saw me on the dating site and asked me out. We went for coffee. I have my nose pierced. After ten minutes, he asked me if I also had my clit pierced. Really? We're having coffee! We're in our forties! Just calm down!

The other one was very very lovely. I didn't really fancy him, but he was a very sweet guy and we had a lot of lovely messages. He's very articulate and kind. I was thinking of giving him a chance because he's so nice. But last night, he wanted to send me a dick pic. We haven't even met. I just don't get it.

Why do these men seem to want to skip the initial stages of a relationship? I've had a couple of long-term relationships and a few shorter ones. The sex comes naturally. When I'm ready. And then I bloody love it! I'm not a prude. Let's have it off as often as we can! But, ffs, why can't they just get to know women first?

Is this the way it is now? Are women willingly accepting dick pics before they've actually seen the dick with their own eyes? If a partner wants to send me a naughty pic when we're in a relationship, I don't mind - it doesn't turn me on, but I wouldn't flip out about it. But why can't they just hold their horses a bit and wait?

I'm worried that I'm just not modern or liberated enough or something. But I just don't like sex unless I like the person and have a bit of a rapport/feelings for them.

Should I give up? Are most women into this new way of going about things?

I mean, dicks are pretty ugly-looking things at the best of times.

Help!

My friend had a first message from someone from OLD asking if she was wearing knickers under her trousers in the profile pic - yep that’s how to charm the ladies

😂oh dear!! I think older men are worse tbh.

God, this is worrying. The thing is, I live in the arse end of nowhere. If I wanted to go on a date, I'd have to ask my bestie to take my daughter for the night. I don't have any family anywhere near. It's not easy. So, it means I've been on... well, no dates since I broke up with my ex. Although my best friend is more than willing to have my DD, I don't want to be away from my DD and mess about with dates unless there's at least a bit of hope.
I'm "friends" with my ex and I've come home from a full day of volunteering to see him and his new girlfriend on FB. It's upset me. He was no good for me at all. He really wasn't. He's great fun, but very selfish and I came to realise that I just couldn't put up with him. My DD had to come first. I couldn't envisage a life with him and my DD. My mum died and he wasn't there for me at all. He was rubbish. He drank too much and I found out he uses coke a fair bit. But I'm upset to see that he seems happy with her and FB official. He never was FB official with me even after 8 months. So, although it's her tagging him, I'm still upset. It's my ego that's taken a blow. I know that. But Jesus, I'm properly feeling sorry for myself tonight. I finished with him, but he agreed. I suppose I wanted him to fight for me even though I knew he wasn't a good fit. I'm ridiculous.
I wish I didn't need male validation. I think that's what the actual problem is. For some reason, I'm worried that I'll always be on my own and that scares me. I'm a decent person. I think I deserve to be happy. I admire women who've got in all together and don't centre men in their lives. But I'm also jealous of those in happy relationships. What a mess of a woman I am!

@Melly78
You really need to unfollow him in social media, you won't be able to emotionally recover if you keep looking. I deleted blocked ex from everything so i couldn't see him and any update (other women etc). I knew it would make me ill looking him up or being friends, i needed closure, i took my own closure. Finished it and blocked him. It saved me a lot of heartache in the aftermath x

One bloke on Tinder opened with ‘I like that photo, it looks like you’re not wearing bra in that photo’ 🙄

Oh I know that feeling. I said I wanted to split from XH but it still smarted when he was posting Facebook out with his new girlfriend doing stuff he would have refused to do with me. Long run, I now feel relieved when I see him that I’m no longer with him!

OP you're not a mess. You sound lovely and really witty.
You've had a tricky day dont beat yourself up. I think it may be wise to unfollow your ex on social media, especially as the OLD doesn't seem to be a helpful distraction either.
The 2 things aren't related. You were strong enough to call time on something that wasn't working
You're far from a mess!
As an aside, my best mate is on some of the sites and jeez it's slim pickings out there... Good luck

I did block him, but he phoned me and asked me not to do it. So, I decided to try to be mature. There must be a way of muting him or something.

I'll focus on my daughter and me. Bollocks to them all.

I've got loads of stuff I need to be doing. I don't know why I let them upset me.

Cock-obsessed losers the lot of them - or at least a good 68%, I reckon.

The issue with OLD isn't just that so many men are dodgy / manchilds / weird, the few that are desirable have women focussed on them like bees to honey... so if you happen to find that diamond in the dung, the chances are you aren't the only one!

Its mature to think of yourself first too by blocking him, him saying not to is so he can have you on a piece of elastic incase this new squeeze goes wrong. Its out of order. You do what you want. Id block him

OK. I did it. I blocked him. I blocked his new girlfriend so I can't see her either. Done. I feel really really down today, but it's for the best.