I give blokes the wrong impression

[KatyKopykat]

Well my ex said so. I'm a football fan and often have some in depth discussions about it, music too on occasion. I'll chat to people on public transport if a conversation arises naturally but don't expect to see them again.

My ex said this can be construed as flirting. I think it's nonsense. I don't talk about anything else but the topic, never about personal things and I really am useless at flirting. I don't see how football chat translates into I want to get jiggy with you.

You ex is ridiculous

Don't change OP because of dumb comments men make tell them "fuck off I am not going to change take it or leave it" as soon as anyone in the future mentions anything.

He would drag up something that happened a few years ago. I used to chat to the technician at work about music (if I saw him, I didn't seek him out) and I happened to say to this guy "we're going to the mojo on Saturday". He knew I had a boyfriend at the time. When I was in the bar, with my ex, the guy from work came in. I knew he went regularly anyway. My ex regularly brought it up saying the guy nearly crapped himself when he saw him and he thought he was on a promise. I don't believe that but he used it to prop up his narrative.

Your ex holds women responsible for men's behaviour. I'm glad you got out before you were treated to his opinions on the link between women's clothing and sexual harassment or women's conduct and their likelihood of being raped.

He never said anything explicitly about that but he did get upset about me hanging knickers and bras on the rotary dryer as he didn't want the man next door seeing my undies. He was a bit obsessed with whether anyone could see my knickers through clothes, that sort of thing.

What's your question?

a) My ex spouted shit, why did he do that?
b) I think my ex spouted shit, was I right?

There's a difference between being friendly or sociable than being flirty. That seems more his own insecurities than anything else I would say and you're doing nothing wrong.

However, I'm a guy and I have over the years come across a lot of men, especially in the workplace who take any form of interaction as a sign they are onto something and some turn weird.

So, yeah in my view you're not doing anything wrong, you're being you. It comes down to the men and their behavior, not everyone is that way inclined but they are out there and can cause issues. He's just seeing every man that interacts as a threat which isn't likely the case.

• can't have conversation ms with the opposites sex without being accused of flirting.

Even when you're having neutral conversations.

• thinks every man you speak to/are civil to wants to shag you & thinks he's going to shag you.

Even when they know you have a partner and again totre having neutral conversations.

• fixated on other men seeing your body, being able to see underwear lines, being able to see your underwear when you dry it etc etc.

Ive seen the underwear lines thing on here before; young girl whose bf had her wearing loose men's boxer shorts as her underwear because he was so fixated on other men being able to see a hint of a line of underwear. Even the loose men's boxers weren't enough for him and he started on something else.

All of the above are check boxes in the "pathologically jealous, possessive" man list. They all sing the same tune, and they never change.

They see women as objects, posessions etc. They think all men see women how they see them..... They see women as responsible for men's behaviour. They themselves can't have a neutral, platonic, civil, human interaction with women and they think all men are like them.

I always find it interesting that men like this, in western democracies, mould and control and head fuck women in private relationships, with varying degrees of success; while men in eg islamic states set this up as their legal, social etc norm.
Hence the abaya, head scarf etc., as one young man told me "makes men act the same towards you and old women; because they can't see the body of the woman .... It gets women good treatment and respect, avoids harassment" etc

It never occurred to him that maybe men should take response for their own behaviour and not harass women. That's seen as ridiculous.

Women shouldn't have to change their behaviour to everyone/all men just because a percentage of men (and I know exactly what you mean, I've experienced it), think that a woman speaking to them remotely civilly means they are up for fucking them.

They are the poorly adjusted, slightly mental ones .... So why should women or anyone, have to adjust their behaviour to that.

Even if some men did think it was flirting, what's the problem? I think you're being normal tbh. Enjoy your life 🙂

Agree with @GilbertMarkham (which, not being a fan of GF in The Tenant of WH, feels hilarious to me!) -- women are not responsible for male behaviour.

OP, stop giving your ex's nutso ideas so much headspace. No, you do not need to confine yourself to chatting to women, you do not need to prevent male colleagues from knowing you plan to go somewhere at the weekend, and you may hang your underwear on your rotary clotheslines without feeling responsible for your neighbour potentially being driven into a frenzy of lust.

Btw I am similar op; I'd talk to anyone about anything. I like chatting to people and I like hearing about their experiences.

There is no gender or age bias in it for me.

This was very inconvenient indeed for an ex of mine who was like your ex.

He fixated on any conversations or interactions I had with men, and was wilfully blind to the ones I had with women. Every single interaction I had with men was picked apart, complained about, was a grievance for him. He also started commenting on my clothing. He campaigned long and hard, with lots of justifications, to establish a no separate socialising rule in the relationship; I would not accede to it and so the relationship devolved into periodic 'arguing" (not really arguing, just me being berated until I snapped) on the subject ..... And my every interaction with the opposite sex.

This type of person is wired that. Those are their fixed values and motivations, they will not change. Every minute with them is a waste of a minute. I'm glad you're out.

Your ex is a jealous idiot... Not your problem anymore!!

I would decide what you think and not worry about what someone you used to know does.

Incidentally I've met many harmless, decent, well adjusted men who can treat you like a human being and have good conversations with you, with no ulterior motives. They can relate to you as a human.

His beliefs are an insult to those men.

So he's equally insulting to both sexes. Best to stay away from people with such a simplistic and depressing view of the world

Is GF, GM?

Another poster said the same; I'm curious as to why people wouldn't like the character.

I think he's written to represent a decent man.

They shouldn't, it's not on women to change themselves, appearance or behavior for men but unfortunately a lot of men see it that way.

The ex in question is seeing every man as being like I described but it's not the case. Women can have normal conversations or interactions with men without there being anything more to it than what it is, a conversation between two people.

The men that are that way inclined however, are ticking on another level and for whatever reason see anything as a sign of some form of way in or in some circumstances claim and those are the ones to be wary of. In my experience, those men don't always appear like bad people, some are quite the charmers and fool a lot of women but the men get the gist. It's not every man though and to be that possessive over conversations and come to that conclusion is illogical, controlling.

So no, she hasn't done anything wrong. Women are not responsible, men are but you can't make people change and those men are unlikely to do so. The ex is clearly possessive and sees any man as a threat and like those kind of men which isn't the case and perhaps stems from his own insecurities about the issue.

I had an ex like that OP who was convinced I was flirting with and encouraging every male I ever spoke to and that they were all desperate to shag me because - in his words - ‘I know how men think’

These insecure mugs judge everyone by their own low standards. You’re well rid.

Some men will take ANY interaction with a female as a sign they're gonna get laid. The trick to to develop a sixth sense for these men.

I am one of these annoyinmg people who does talk to strangers about anything and anything;its fun! I have zero expectation or want of sex. But I've noticed the older the woman is the less chance of anything untoward being thought.

Your ex is juvenile.

You are me - I've had this all of my life. Luckily my husband was my friend first so knows that I do not lead men on. And I'll talk to anyone, men or women.

My ex said the same thing, he "knows what guys are like".

He knows what guys like him are like.

Yes, sorry, typo. No, I've never liked him -- I think he only emerges as any kind of 'hero' because he's a positive contrast to the libertine drunk Arthur Huntington.

I talk to my boss about rugby, I've never considered it could be classed as flirting🙄. Think he enjoys it as everyone else talks about football.

Like you, OP, I'll happily chat to people about topics I'm interested in. I don't do flirting, never have.
I was once accused of trying to pinch a girls boyfriend (centuries ago when we were at school) because I talked with him for about 10 minutes about snooker and a band we both liked. She hated the band, and snooker, and was in the room, within 5 feet of us for the whole conversation.
Some people are ridiculously insecure.