I give blokes the wrong impression

[KatyKopykat]

Well my ex said so. I'm a football fan and often have some in depth discussions about it, music too on occasion. I'll chat to people on public transport if a conversation arises naturally but don't expect to see them again.

My ex said this can be construed as flirting. I think it's nonsense. I don't talk about anything else but the topic, never about personal things and I really am useless at flirting. I don't see how football chat translates into I want to get jiggy with you.

When I was young if I smiled and laughed with a man I was a flirt , and would often be groped . If I didn't smile or laugh or chat I was miserable. Now I'm old and fat and chat to a man im friendly, bubbly. Men just confuse me full stop .

I’m totally au fait with the rules of misogyny but to be fair to men here, the problem is that over-friendliness, and chatting about common areas of interest is actually one of the common ways young people flirt. So I don’t blame men for being confused here.

He's not wrong, a lot of men think that any woman who shows interest in them is showing a romantic interest (I will hold my hands up to being guilty of this when I was younger).

What's daft is that they'll do this while being completely oblivious when someone actually flirts with them (Raises other hand)

Where your ex is wrong is by insinuating that this is your fault. You're just having a conversation, you're not responsible for what some random thinks it means.

And the reason your ex thinks that is because he thinks that whenever a woman talks to him about football, or smiles at him at the checkout, or sits next to him on the bus, that they're flirting with him.

I think we need a separate thread lol.

Yes, definitely the bar is as low as it can go with Arthur, but I thought the character was written to be a decent guy; what don't you like about him, out of interest?

(I also thought he was written as being very steadfast in his feelings for the heroine).

(Once he'd developed them).

Women are not responsible for some men's misconceptions.

And it's only some men. Other men are well enough adjusted to not think that way; they'd need actual come ons to think a woman was interested romantically/sexually.

It shouldn't matter but in cases where someone is not single, it is even less likely they are coming onto you; as was the case with op and the guy at work; he knew she wasn't and was going with her partner. (And was her not also there when she had convos a out football etc with some people?)

You can't cope with this level of possessiveness and paranoia; every single interaction with the opposite sex being seen as a potential shag/involvement....when the intentions are nothing like that on one or both sides.

His attitude to underwear says it all too.

People like this want their partner in a cage, let's face it. It's not legal to do it physically (!) so they try to do it with a cage of "rules" ..... and by nagging and criticising until their partner limits their interactions with anyone down to what pleases them & doesn't threaten them ... Which would be seeing their granny once a week in her house; and even then these types would find some way to have a problem with that too.

It's control.

Call a spade a spade.

She isn't being 'over-friendly', she's having normal conversations.

Flirting is lot more than talking. It's body language, tone of voice, adding comments/responses that you wouldn't say to a platonic friend.

Not our fault of some men are too thick to understand this.

I am the same, bar football lol. I talk to anyone, because im sociable and friendly...on a bus, in the street..regularly to people i will never see again. I can flirt big time but not with everyday people. Dont let his comments dull your personality. Some people don't talk to anyone for days, you could be lighting their day x

Presumably "over friendliness" only applies to women chatting to men.

Are they "over friendly" too if they chat to women?

You can see this theme of women being made responsible for men's sexual expectations, desires, delusions, projections etc. through this thread too .... In a fkg female support forum.

Women are "over friendly" if they're friendly to men, and bring it on themselves/create these expectations.

Surely the best thing about him being an ex is that you don't have to dedicate any bandwidth to his half-baked misogynistic drivel any more? Who gives a dry fuck what he thinks.

A dry fuck 😂.

I think the same but I think any normal person tries to process a failed relationship and make sense of it.

Most normal people also question their own behaviour esp when it's criticised .... They'd probably be narcs if they didn't.

Hopefully after processing and a little bit of questioning, they can conclude that someone was unreasonable and had very unhealthy attitudes and values around relationships/partnerships.

Likewise if Man A chats to random Man B about football, Man B doesn't assume Man A must be gay and flirting with him.

Underpinning this is the belief that women have no interest or enjoyment in sports, hobbies, whatever .... Or at least not ones that men are interested in, isn't it?

They're not supposed to be rounded people and they're not supposed to be interested in non "girly" interests.

They must be faking to engage with men.

I think that's part of it too.

I'm similar and I think the saddest and most angering thing about people like ops ex, and my ex, is how they try to change outgoing, communicative, sociable, easy-going women who are interested in other people and enjoy interacting with other people, into reserved, dull, husks of their former selves ..... So their paranoid insecurities and possessiveness can be assuaged.

If someone is making you "less", they are not for you.

Absolutely bang on!

Your ex is clearly one of those men who misconstrue any conversation between themselves and a woman as her flirting with them. Random woman asks the way to the post office = flirting. Random woman engages in polite chit-chat when he leers all over her in a pub or some work conference = she's flirting.

Twat.

Hmm. Do you strike up these conversations with women as well as men or are you one of those women who only has things in common with men....?

What do you mean - 'over-friendliness'? Standing there having a conversation is not being 'over-friendly'.

The trouble is that too many men assume that if a woman talks to them, she is flirting and up for it.

I used to have a male colleague who absolutely thought of a woman chatted to a guy it meant she fancied him. He thought an awful lot of women fancied him. He probably thought I fancied him.

When we moved in here, I heard my neighbour explicitly telling her DH not to hang her 'smalls' on the rotary line, which is right next to our property.

We're retired, and they've got at least 10 years on us.

IPMSL to think that my DH would find that um... stimulating. 😄

Personally i talk to anyone who wants to chat, women, men, kids (with parents oc lol) anyone....not just men. I don't wanna just talk to men, i like to chat with everyone. I dont know about OP but thats my chatty persona

@Greyfoot are you one of these women who glowers at any female who strikes up a conversation with your DP?

No, I don't have a DP, but I'm also a football supporting l, real ale drinking music lover who finds I most often have things in common with men. I'm aware of it, is all and have to make an effort to not always be talking to other women's men and to find things to talk about with women. Also not to assume that they won't be interested because lots are, of course.