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Original poster

Boyfriend meeting girl he slept with years ago for a drink

73 replies

Bluebell567 · 04/09/2023 21:06

Basically that really.

We have been together just over a year. He slept with a girl 3-4 years ago, hasn't seen her in about 2 years. she is incredibly beautiful - that's not the problem. it is that is all seems secretive. They talk occasionally. I've never had a problem with it really. But he's meeting her tomorrow evening for a drink. I've met all his other friends (guys and girls; group of friends) yet he hasn't invited me to go with him tomorrow and he's arranged it for an evening he knows I'm not free.

We went for a walk earlier and I spoke to him about it. I asked questions, I didn't say I was upset but it's very obvious I am, and why. I haven't spoken to him since. He's been very quiet, when usually, he'd say something like im being ridiculous or overthinking etc.

I think a big part of the reason I am worried about this is that in May, he was working away from home. He went out, got drunk and ended up sharing a hotel room with a female colleague. Next day I asked how his night was. He lied to me. Told me he went back to his hotel. I knew he was lying but he didn't know that, and got upset I didn't believe his lie. I later called him out on it and he was very remorseful and we have 'rebuilt trust'. However, clearly not as much as I'd thought, as I now do not trust him meeting this girl.

My gut is telling me something is wrong. We love each other, but he's made a mistake before and actually didn't seem to understand how he crossed a boundary, so what is stopping him from doing it again.

Is this all in my head or am I right for having concerns?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebell567 · 04/09/2023 21:08

just to add, when he shared the hotel room when he was working away in May, they both slept in the same bed. Supposedly still with their clothes on. It was her hotel room.

OP posts:
Howdoesitworkagain · 04/09/2023 21:09

Listen to your gut instinct, which I think is right by the sounds of it.

GreyCarpet · 04/09/2023 21:43

I'd be listening to my gut if I were you.

He's not honest and you can't trust him to act with integrity. What reason do you have yo trust him?

AtrociousCircumstance · 04/09/2023 21:44

It’s highly unlikely nothing happened in that hotel room.

Yes it’s dodgy he’s meeting his gorgeous ex-fling for a cosy one on one date.

Dump him. He’s not worth your heartache.

Notbeinfunnehbut · 04/09/2023 21:46

Tbh I’d rip the band aid off

the fact he made no effort to reassure you 😔

in your shoes I’d message and just say your obviously meeting this woman for one intention only, I’ve bagged your stuff up come and collect when you can, all the best

take some control back

givemecoffeee · 04/09/2023 21:47

I would be suspicious too OP, I'm sorry your in this situation.
I would probably put my foot down to be honest. If was my partner, and he wanted to do this, I'd tell him not to come back home.

Janieforever · 04/09/2023 21:49

I’m sorry op, he clearly shagged when he shared a room and he’s going in a date with this other woman now. I suspect you know this.

supercali77 · 04/09/2023 21:59

Sorry I'd not trust him either after the hotel lie.

Vileperson · 04/09/2023 22:00

I've recently experienced your gut it always right

Opentooffers · 04/09/2023 22:06

So in May you had been together a matter of months and although he slept with someone else, you're still with him? Great, he already knows you'll put up with allsorts and probably respects you all the less for it. Sorry, its about time you got shut of him, respect yourself more than this.

blackbeardsballsack · 04/09/2023 22:09

Bluebell567 · 04/09/2023 21:08

just to add, when he shared the hotel room when he was working away in May, they both slept in the same bed. Supposedly still with their clothes on. It was her hotel room.

It would have been a wrap for me at this point.

If that part hadn't happened, this second misdemeanour would also be a wrap.

toomanyleggings · 04/09/2023 22:11

Honestly with men who are serious about you these scenarios never come up. Never. Just dump him

justanothermanicmonday1 · 04/09/2023 22:11

Na the hotel incident would've been it for me.

You deserve better OP.

Fling this one back.

Odiebay · 04/09/2023 22:15

It's only been a year and he's already betrayed your trust. Honestly you deserve better. You should have got rid after the hotel. You are supposed to be in the honeymoon phase just enjoying each other at this point.

suburbophobe · 04/09/2023 22:21

e. He went out, got drunk and ended up sharing a hotel room with a female colleague.

And now: We have been together just over a year. He slept with a girl 3-4 years ago, hasn't seen her in about 2 years. she is incredibly beautiful - that's not the problem. it is that is all seems secretive. They talk occasionally. I've never had a problem with it really. But he's meeting her tomorrow evening for a drink.

Tells you all you need to know.

He's not a keeper.

Sorry love. A man who keeps secrets about other women is not someone you want to be with in life. You are worth so much more!

Hold your head up high and tell him to fuck off. Your future self will thank you.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2023 22:25

I kind of agree with the other posters saying get rid. BUT just for your own reassurance it sounds like he's been doing all this because you've let him . Before actually finishing with him I would say something like-

'Look, thinking on this further and listening to my gut, you going for drinks, which feels very datey, with someone you're not particularly close friends with and have sexual history with isn't something I feel comfortable with. Please explain your intentions- what is the purpose of this?' If you're not entirely satisfied with the response (eg 'her husband could get me a new job - he's coming along too!' Would be the only acceptable one for me!) then say you're not comfortable with it and please can he respect your feelings and cancel.

If he refuses and would prefer to prioritize a former one night stand/fling over you, then put him in the bin immediately

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2023 22:27

Ps what are the chances if he does meet this ex fling for drinks he ends up so drunk that he 'just fell asleep at hers but nothing happened, I can't believe you don't believe me, you're so insecure this is so unfair'

HerMammy · 04/09/2023 22:33

they both slept in the same bed. Supposedly still with their clothes on.
C'mon you're not this daft? don't let him make a fool of you for a second time.

GLORIAGloriarse · 04/09/2023 22:45

Has he given any explanation at all as to why he is now meeting a fling from years ago? Does she know he isn't single? Is she? Do they have any other social history other than sleeping together that time?

I wouldn't like this at all if not but I would want him to explain why they were going for drinks at all. Doesn't sound like they're close. Perhaps they're old uni chums, she can't help being attractive but you've given him one instance of benefit of the doubt. Don't keep doing it. Not without a good explanation of what's going on at least.

Original poster
Bluebell567 · 04/09/2023 22:51

Thank you for all your replies. I’m honestly very grateful because I’m sitting here biting my nails wondering what to do so it’s helpful having other opinions.

we haven’t spoken all night. Usually after a dispute he’d say something at some point. But I’ve had nothing, no reassurance (as somebody pointed out which I hadn’t thought of), no ‘we’re just friends’ or anything of the like. He knows I’m upset and hasn’t cancelled with her. Says it all really I guess.

He’s had the same look on his face as he did when I pulled him up about lying when he was working away. A worried, anxious look. Maybe it’s in my head, but I don’t think it is

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebell567 · 04/09/2023 22:53

He hasn’t really given an explanation other than they’re going for drinks/catching up/meeting up. That’s it. He never had any intention of inviting me along as he does with his other friends

OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 04/09/2023 22:55

just get rid of him. He’s betrayed your trust before, you don’t trust him, he has no respect for your feelings so what is the point?

Solonomi · 04/09/2023 22:57

Just no. You know you are worth more than this bullshit. Get rid & find a decent guy.

ManicMonday007 · 04/09/2023 23:02

Please get rid now, he sounds like an absolute idiot and you deserve so much better. Be strong you've got this and will meet someone who will put you first every time. Sending love ❤️

MotherofWhippets81 · 04/09/2023 23:07

He's taking another woman on a date.

Please for goodness sake dump him and show yourself some respect.