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Relationships

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Original poster

Boyfriend meeting girl he slept with years ago for a drink

73 replies

Bluebell567 · 04/09/2023 21:06

Basically that really.

We have been together just over a year. He slept with a girl 3-4 years ago, hasn't seen her in about 2 years. she is incredibly beautiful - that's not the problem. it is that is all seems secretive. They talk occasionally. I've never had a problem with it really. But he's meeting her tomorrow evening for a drink. I've met all his other friends (guys and girls; group of friends) yet he hasn't invited me to go with him tomorrow and he's arranged it for an evening he knows I'm not free.

We went for a walk earlier and I spoke to him about it. I asked questions, I didn't say I was upset but it's very obvious I am, and why. I haven't spoken to him since. He's been very quiet, when usually, he'd say something like im being ridiculous or overthinking etc.

I think a big part of the reason I am worried about this is that in May, he was working away from home. He went out, got drunk and ended up sharing a hotel room with a female colleague. Next day I asked how his night was. He lied to me. Told me he went back to his hotel. I knew he was lying but he didn't know that, and got upset I didn't believe his lie. I later called him out on it and he was very remorseful and we have 'rebuilt trust'. However, clearly not as much as I'd thought, as I now do not trust him meeting this girl.

My gut is telling me something is wrong. We love each other, but he's made a mistake before and actually didn't seem to understand how he crossed a boundary, so what is stopping him from doing it again.

Is this all in my head or am I right for having concerns?

OP posts:

Loubelle70 · 05/09/2023 09:41

I had this. OH went out with an ex, told me last minute so i couldnt get babysitter. let him go..see if he came to his senses...nope. Next day had words..how would it feel if i went out with my ex whilst you babysat? Also, its disrespectful. You should have invited me to meet her...but you knew i couldnt get babysitter..and told me last minute. Im reasonable. Tbh i should have heeded the red flags there, he wasted 25 years of my life. Put a stop to it unless you are invited along.

Copperoliverbear · 05/09/2023 09:43

Listen to your gut, finish it with him today he's a cheat.

Loubelle70 · 05/09/2023 09:44

Yep, that old chestnut

Copperoliverbear · 05/09/2023 09:47

Don't be a mug dump him, he looks anxious because he knows if he gets the opportunity he will cheat.
Don't hang around and wait for the aftermath, he's making a fool of you,
You deserve better. X

my82my · 05/09/2023 09:55

If she was to give him the green light he'd drop you like a hot potato. Don't waste your time being someone's backup.
He's an arsehole and you deserve better.
Also that's bullshit that they slept in their clothes.. like someone else said what does he have to do before you walk, what's your boundary?

Orange67 · 05/09/2023 10:41

Bluebell567 · 04/09/2023 21:08

just to add, when he shared the hotel room when he was working away in May, they both slept in the same bed. Supposedly still with their clothes on. It was her hotel room.

This is a lie, I can tell you that much

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/09/2023 10:52

Fuck that

id not like that either and I’d want to walk away to be honest

MMmomDD · 05/09/2023 10:55

@Bluebell567
I think its not about this girl.
I think more generally - he is having doubts/trying to decide if he wants to continue the relationship.
A year mark is the right time to wonder -
reassess if it has long term potential.
And i don't think he is confident it has.

Sorry

Showdogworkingdog · 05/09/2023 11:19

He needs to go. He’s already proved he can’t be trusted, now he’s set up what amounts to an exploratory date with this one to see if he can get anywhere. Good guys don’t behave like that, I’d dump that, sorry x.

SecretPlanToFightInflation · 05/09/2023 11:25

He's going on a date with his ex and he's already shagged his work colleague. He's not a keeper, is he.

NotLoud1 · 05/09/2023 11:51

He could meet her for coffee or lunch.
It sounds like a date to me. OP theres no reason why he couldn’t rearrange so that you’re there and you could meet her too.

I’m not sure I believe the hotel room story either.
He’s doing it all right in front of you, getting his cake and eating it. I mean a night-time 1-on-1 drink with an ‘incredibly beautiful’ ex who he still keeps in touch with. He has only one thing in mind.

Sorry for being blunt.

lastminutewednesday · 05/09/2023 11:56

Catch yourself on op. He's taking the piss out of you. You deserve better.

5128gap · 05/09/2023 12:14

He isn't reassuring you because the bad feeling beyween you suits him. If all goes well with the ex they'll be back together and he can use your 'jealousy' to dump you without looking the bad guy.
It will be interesting if he tries to re engage after seeing her, as that will mean she wasn't interested.

picklsey · 05/09/2023 12:24

You say he slept with this woman, was she a good friend previously, or just someone he had a fling with and has had no previous relationship?

I could sort of understand if he used to be friends with this woman, they took it further and it ruined the friendship, and they are looking to rebuild. Otherwise, there's no reason for this other than him trying his luck and seeing what you'll let him get away with.

As for the female colleague. Did he definitely book his own hotel room, or did he just tell you that he had and the intention was to stay with her all along? Is the colleague single, married? Happening so early on would be a dealbreaker for me, he's not trustworthy.

He has told you and been quite open about meeting this woman, which is something. You should however be comfortable to voice your opinion. If you don't tell him, he may try to rely on "but you didn't tell me that it was a problem!" Or similar.

Don't stifle your own feelings. If you're not okay with it, tell him. What he does from there will tell you everything that you need to know.

Warmsandbetweenmytoes · 05/09/2023 12:30

Nope nope nope - all the nopes. I honestly couldn’t get out of there quick enough

You deserve better than this

Mayhemmumma · 05/09/2023 12:30

He slept with the colleague and is excited to see this woman. Sorry.

Scousemousey · 05/09/2023 14:20

He knows you're upset, but doesn't care, sorry.
Bail.
Find a better one, you're worth it. 💐

Olika · 05/09/2023 14:42

Always listen to your gut feeling. Absolutely unacceptable to me. So he thinks he can have a date while in a relationship? Get rid of him!

HoliHormonalTigerLillyTheSecond · 05/09/2023 22:08

LTB

Missingmyusername · 05/09/2023 22:15

Where’s your self respect? how humiliating is this relationship.. finish it. You have no skin in the game- no ties. He’s not worth it.

As for spying- if you feel the need to do this time’s up isn’t it. It’s also a bit weird and stalkery! Imagine if a bloke posted about following his girlfriend or wife - Christ.

You can do better OP. It’ll consume you.

GodDammitCecil · 05/09/2023 22:19

Dump and move on. OP - the relationship is over.

It was never really there to begin with.

YerArseInParsley · 24/01/2024 19:16

@Bluebell567

Interested to find out what happened op?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 24/01/2024 22:40

He’s going on a date with her

fuck that OP, and fuck him

it can’t be very happy being with someone that makes you so anxious ?

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