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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Freudian slip?

59 replies

Overthinkin · 03/09/2023 20:51

For context been together 9 years, in this time I have only been on the pill or copper coil.

The other day while talking about possibly TTC, he said "maybe you can go get that thing taken out your arm" he knows I have the coil, it's been mentioned many times, he's joked about pulling it out himself.

Why would he say this? When he saw my confusion he quickly checked himself n told.me not to overthink it. I left it a couple days but it's still on my mind.
I asked him about 10 mins ago why he said it, who did he know that had it? n he got all defensive saying he doesn't know, turning it on me like I'm being unreasonable.
Wtf? This doesn't seem like a normal mistake.

I said he'd never tell me anyway if there was anything to it, he told me to fuck off.

I don't feel like I'm overthinking it

OP posts:
Overthinkin · 03/09/2023 21:22

Please anyone?

OP posts:
atatotalloss4 · 03/09/2023 21:24

No idea, but please don't TTC whilst your communication in the relationship is so poor, or whilst you question everything he says, or whilst he tells you to fuck off. 3 red flags 🚩

Bettyneptune · 03/09/2023 21:26

atatotalloss4 · 03/09/2023 21:24

No idea, but please don't TTC whilst your communication in the relationship is so poor, or whilst you question everything he says, or whilst he tells you to fuck off. 3 red flags 🚩

👆 This

MajesticWhine · 03/09/2023 21:29

It's not a particularly suspicious comment in itself and I think you are overthinking it. But it was very unpleasant how he then responded.

InSpainTheRain · 03/09/2023 21:29

I dont think it's particularly Freudian, but maybe he got you confused with someone else, or maybe he had been reading about contraception/listened to something and got confused/made a mistake.

What's the relationship like overall? Anything else make you worried? Does he go "missing" sometimes, work away a lot? I have to say it doesn't sound great anyway, especially telling you to fuck off.

Overthinkin · 03/09/2023 21:31

I don't question everything he says, this just really stood out to me, I can't see why he'd say this? Other than if there was someone he knows/knew who had it.

He said he doesn't know why he said it, I want to believe him but my heads all over. Things have been good lately between us but haven't always been.
He said he knows he hasn't done anything but isn't that a typical thing to say?

OP posts:
fourelementary · 03/09/2023 21:31

Hmmm if your spidey senses are tingling then I’d say trust your instinct. I don’t think female
contraception is at the forefront of many men’s minds… so for him to say “that thing in your arm” when you’ve never had that… it is a bit weird.

InBedBy10 · 03/09/2023 21:32

Just going off the information you've given it absolutely sounds like you're over thinking it.

Maybe you have reason not to trust him ? But if this small comment makes you paranoid and causes arguments then you definitely shouldnt be having kids together.

Overthinkin · 03/09/2023 21:33

He doesn't work away or go missing but he does go to the shops sometimes multiple times a day

OP posts:
Theimpossiblegirl · 03/09/2023 21:34

If you don't trust him, please don't ttc with him. It does sound a bit off.

Overthinkin · 03/09/2023 21:34

fourelementary · 03/09/2023 21:31

Hmmm if your spidey senses are tingling then I’d say trust your instinct. I don’t think female
contraception is at the forefront of many men’s minds… so for him to say “that thing in your arm” when you’ve never had that… it is a bit weird.

Exactly

OP posts:
itsmyp4rty · 03/09/2023 21:34

Don't ttc with him. Trust your gut, his reaction tells you everything you need to know.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 03/09/2023 21:35

You clearly do not trust him. Overthinking something so small.

Do not have a baby with him. End your relationship and work on your self esteem

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2023 21:36

Life Rule #1...

Never stay with, or have a baby with, a man who tells you to fuck off.

HTH.

Overthinkin · 03/09/2023 21:37

I get that it's a small comment, but it is suspicious right?
Would non of you think it strange if it was your partner? I've never had the implant

OP posts:
gillygeey · 03/09/2023 21:38

I would never be suspicious if my DH said this however I trust him. You clearly have trust issues.

gillygeey · 03/09/2023 21:38

there must be other things making you question

Howdoesitworkagain · 03/09/2023 21:42

My mind wouldn’t automatically go where you’ve gone, I wouldn’t read anything into it or I’d assume a previous partner. Sounds like you’re overthinking - unless there’s other context.

But - agree with others, I don’t think the relationship is at all in the right place for you to ttc

Overthinkin · 03/09/2023 21:43

gillygeey · 03/09/2023 21:38

there must be other things making you question

He cheated on his ex who he has a kid with, alot.
I know I shouldn't have stayed with him when he told me this.
I believed I could be enough for him, that it would be different for us blah blah blah

But it's there in my head, I know he's capable

OP posts:
Daffodil18 · 03/09/2023 21:43

A lot of men don’t know about the implant in the arm unless their partner has it. It’s strange how he didn’t just reply that an ex had it or a friend had it. The defensiveness is what is making me suspicious. Are you thinking an affair partner may have it?

gillygeey · 03/09/2023 21:44

you've been together for 9 yrs though, did you suspect cheating before this comment?

Truemilk · 03/09/2023 21:46

Did he think the coil goes in your arm?

I would imagine some men have no idea about female contraceptives.

He might have been embarrassed that he got it wrong.

Pulling at straws here..

Overthinkin · 03/09/2023 21:50

No he knows where my coil is, definitely. He said he can't remember what contraception his previous sexual partners had.
That he simply cannot explain it.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 03/09/2023 21:51

Honestly, the most important decision you could never make in your life is about the man who decide to have children with. He cheats on his previous wife and now he sounds well dodgy. I wouldn't have a baby with him.

AutumnCrow · 03/09/2023 21:54

Truemilk · 03/09/2023 21:46

Did he think the coil goes in your arm?

I would imagine some men have no idea about female contraceptives.

He might have been embarrassed that he got it wrong.

Pulling at straws here..

he knows I have the coil, it's been mentioned many times, he's joked about pulling it out himself.

... he told me to fuck off.

From the OP.

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