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Relationships

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Original poster

How to turn off feelings for someone I shouldn't have feelings for...

80 replies

curtainsandpillows · 02/09/2023 19:22

How do you stop having feelings for someone you shouldn’t have feelings for?

He’s married and so I am.
I would have thought it was just a harmless crush at first, however it’s been 2 years I’ve felt like this.
He’s certainly not my type looks wise, it’s the personality!

How do you just turn the feelings off? Stop thinking about them?

I do have to see them on a semi regular basis through work but we don’t work together or even at the same workplace which I thought would make it easier!?

The way I feel is like when you split up with a boyfriend, a kind of heartache that nothing can or will happen.

Any advice please?

OP posts:

StinkyWizzleteets · 04/09/2023 20:26

Imagine the smell of his poo after a night on the Guinness. Every time you think of him, think of his poo face and the stench.

Humanising is a great way of going off someone

JustKen · 04/09/2023 21:23

I've fancied a couple of blokes over my time married to DH. Only now I can see what I was looking for was missing in my marriage, like kindness, and compliments. I'm now separated. I kept my feelings for these men to myself. One still pops up occasionally but I can now laugh at why I was so obsessed with him. He's a fair-weather friend who sometimes likes to catch up on the phone but that's all. I have so much emotional baggage to sort through right now it's best to keep all men at arms-length for now.

MsRosley · 05/09/2023 19:26

NotMadeOfStone · 04/09/2023 20:09

I don't think it's as easy as just dismissing these feelings are not real. They are devastatingly and cripplingly real, and often totally out of our control.

Show quote history

I think you're missing the point, @NotMadeOfStone . Yes, the feelings feel real, but they are not connected to anything actually real. In reality, if you were to get together with your crush, it would be nothing like you imagine. Plus real love is a two-way process, unrequited love is just an erotic obsession.

NotMadeOfStone · 05/09/2023 20:08

Maybe, maybe not.

When you go through a lot of shared experiences it certainly brings you very close, and you get to know each other very very well. I don't equate that to living together but 50 hours a week for years on end, traveling together a lot etc, isn't nothing either.

Ihatepickingausername3 · 06/09/2023 01:03

When you’ve found out please let me know. I know the feeling :(

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