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Original poster

Experienced partners of coke users

56 replies

Pickles699 · 02/09/2023 07:42

No idea what to do. I am going on gut feelings. Several signs over several months and I'm being greeted with 100% denial. Do people deny using drugs even when they have been busted? I am well aware the list below is screamingly obvious but he is insisting I've got it all wrong. He's turning it around and saying I'm going on at him and starting. To the point he's saying he's done with me. Which is fine..because I don't want this pain.

Just to make you aware i know he does weed.

So signs.

Pipe in bag
Foil always in bag.
Badge in bag.

His bracelet disappeared around 3 months ago.
Our fire stick disappeared aswel, he said he left this in the hotel we was at. Clearly hadn't.

He earns good money. He earns £3500 a month. His rent and bills come to around £460 a month. Yet he's always skint. Often he owes me money.. but he owes others money too. He gets around it by saying he spends loads working on the road on food. Weed he admits too etc.

He goes through weeks when he's moody and weeks when he's more focused on us. In the better Weeks he tends to be on repeat making promises of what we are working towards and insisting we will get there. But it's always one day! Never now!

Money has been stolen from me in recent months. He does return it. But its happened 2 times now and I'm disgusted.

This last week he's borrowed money for certain items around the home that he clearly didn't buy. He has paid me back.

Today he was meant to be getting his passport copied for his new landlord. I slept at my own house last night because he's got problems with his phone and was stressy I really didn't want to be around him. He's been awake all night. The plan was very early today we were going to sort out him coming up or us meeting or me going down with his passport. It was looking likely I'd go down with it and meet him.

I phoned him at 6.30 this morning when he text to say he was up. He said he was gunna try sleep for another hour because he's knackered. I said well can you tell me a plan then as if I'm meant to be meeting you etc I need times etc.

He started getting irritable and said oh are you wanting to come down first thing then. He also said he hadn't thought about anything other than going to the bank.

I get the impression he thought I'd walk half way then he'd go off and I'd come back home. I tried to explain I've gotten up early thinking I was helping him out and now he's being difficult.

The long story short he said he's done with me because he's sick of me kicking off.

I really wasn't kicking off. I expected a coffee at his flat for walking half an hour with his passport!

I'm so confused by him. The last few months I've found him going from one extreme to the other. He's not the person he was. I found two drug bags in his drawer recently and he denied they were his.

This morning I said to him that the shopping he had been to get wasn't even in the flat so shat had he spent the money on. He said whatever and hung up.

This is going to read very childish. But this has been my life now for a few months and its completely thrown me.

I need the obvious stating. What do people think? Why is he still denying it when I've seen enough?

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 02/09/2023 07:53

You don't need to be the partner of a coke addict to add all of the below up ffs.
Open your eyes.
Walk, no run in the opposite direction and save yourself from further misery.

Thankfully you don't live together so you are free to walk away! Thank your lucky stars you have no kids together. He won't change. Drugs will always come first. He has lied to you, stolen from you.

budgetingnovice1993 · 02/09/2023 08:03

You think he is smoking crack cocaine? (Pipe and foil?) or you think he is sniffing powdered cocaine? Bit of a leap going from weed straight to a crack pipe. Regardless of the substance, it is ok to break up with him. Why are you still putting up with erratic behaviour? You don't live together, should be easy to end the relationship. You cannot save someone who is spiralling with multiple addictions and in denial.

Original poster
Pickles699 · 02/09/2023 08:06

Hi. Basically he has tripled what he's spending. I dont believe it's always. But I found 2 clear bags in the drawer under the tea spoons with a white flake type thing In. Not sure if I think he's smoking it or snorting. He has metal pipe and these pipe ventilator covers for smoking. I know that might be weed.

But his moods are allover. Staying up all night. He was lovely for a week. Then the day after he was up all night and had pinched £80 I found the two bags with white stuff stuck to the bag. He says they are his work mates. But why an earth would they be there. He had never been in his flat.

OP posts:
Cinnamope · 02/09/2023 08:10

Run away, as fast as you can.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 02/09/2023 08:10

Run, don’t look back.

needanotherhol · 02/09/2023 08:25

Please leave him. He is holding you back
From finding a decent partner and will cause you a lot of heartache and problems in the meantime.

the fact that he has got a pipe and metal foil suggests he isn't sniffing it in the toilets! Imagine your grandparents or future children seeing him with his crack pipe!

No amount of help and advice will stop someone from using drugs if they won't/can't give them up. I grew up witnessing the fall out of a family member using drugs- they were well off at the start so it was 'party time' at first but their lifestyle went very downhill over the years and it was devastating to see the impact it had at on everyone else with all of the lies, selfishness and pain caused.

Take care x

DosCervezas · 02/09/2023 08:40

It doesn't look good, whatever it is you've found isn't looking completely innocent and coke users always become compulsive liars in my experience.
You genuinely can't believe a single word they say.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/09/2023 08:43

Yes I think lying and coke use absolutely go hand in hand.

sodthesodoff · 02/09/2023 08:48

Honestly. Read everything you've written.

This isn't any way to live.

Get out now.

IdealisticCynic · 02/09/2023 08:59

Even if he isn’t using drugs (though he definitely is and carrying foil and a pipe suggest it’s crack or even heroin) why would you want to be with someone who treats you as he does? If you think you don’t deserve to be treated better than that, then you need to work on your self esteem.

You must leave this relationship. Don’t make the (worryingly common) mistake of staying to help him. Addicts have to want to stop or it will never happen. He isn’t even admitting his problem. He is way off getting over this addiction - if he ever does. And it is addiction because if he is stealing and getting into debt, then it means he is unable to regulate.

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/09/2023 08:59

I wouldn't know or care what drugs he's taking but the fact is he is taking them, he is lying to you, he is stealing from you, he's creating arguments with you and he's got you running all over the place with this passport etc. Just dump him. You can write off anything he owes you now as you won't get it.

RhymesWithTangerine · 02/09/2023 09:01

What did you think we were going to say? That it sounds fine?

You know what you have to do.

BadHairBae · 02/09/2023 09:02

The pipe and foils could be for weed, an ex of mine smoked weed like that years ago. But, he's definitely doing coke and trying to hide it from you. Coke is insanely expensive and he could be putting that money to good use. He's a selfish loser and you deserve way better, OP.

frozendaisy · 02/09/2023 09:05

Honestly OP. Cut your losses now, calmly walk away before you get any deeper.

Ofcourseshecan · 02/09/2023 09:08

As well as thieving from you, he presumably doesn’t give a damn about the violence and misery caused by the drug industry in the countries that export cocaine. So at the very least he’s selfish and irresponsible. What a prince. Drop him now, OP, before he ruins your life too.

makeminealargeoneagain · 02/09/2023 09:08

OP you know deep down that he's no good for you. You don't trust him. That's no life for you going forwards. He'll always put drugs before you. He's an addict. Walk away and build a much better life for yourself. He's a loser. Don't let him drag you down.

LumpySpaceCow · 02/09/2023 09:10

Sounds like he is smoking crack - I'm no drug expert (my knowledge probably stems from Trainspotting!), but you don't need spoons or foil to smoke weed. The evidence is there yet he is gaslighting you when you're questioning him.
Run for the hills. If he can't admit he has a problem, then there is no way he will stop.

Lilithlogic · 02/09/2023 09:14

Aggressive, unreasonable, paranoid, suspicious, violent - just some of the words to describe my ex who came across as plausible most of the early years. Until it gradually became a nightmare and I was afraid to breathe. Didn't have a clue he was on anything till I woke up to him and got rid. I was so stupid and naive.

PollyPeep · 02/09/2023 09:17

I think the question you have to ask in any relationship is, would I be ok to live like this for the next thirty years. If the answer is no, get out of there, today! Don't waste any more time with this guy when you could be either happily and freely single or with someone who makes you happy. This guy sounds like a waste of time, effort and money!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/09/2023 09:19

You could walk in on him headfirst in a flour sack sized bag of Coke and he'd deny it, he was just doing a bit of baking as a surprise for you and could you lend him £50 for 6 eggs and a packet of butter please.

Stay done. Cut him off. Never speak to him again.

slopsan · 02/09/2023 09:25

Stop engaging with him and block him.

You don't need him to explain (and he'll lie anyway)

Careerconfused · 02/09/2023 09:25

Take away the is he/isn't he about coke for a minute

He is crap with money
He is argumentative and unreliable
He lies to you
He blames you for everything
He is moody

Why would you want to be with someone who treats you like that? Whether he's doing coke, whether it's another drug or anything else - that isn't behaviour you should put up with, and enough to get rid of him on its own.

Maray1967 · 02/09/2023 09:26

Careerconfused · 02/09/2023 09:25

Take away the is he/isn't he about coke for a minute

He is crap with money
He is argumentative and unreliable
He lies to you
He blames you for everything
He is moody

Why would you want to be with someone who treats you like that? Whether he's doing coke, whether it's another drug or anything else - that isn't behaviour you should put up with, and enough to get rid of him on its own.

This nails it. I am very opposed to drug use but in this case it’s basically neither here nor there. The rest is bad enough.

Dolores87 · 02/09/2023 09:28

I know other people have said this but he isn't taking coke with a pipe and foil. That is not how you take cocaine. He is either smoking crack or tbh with the foil likely heroin. He is lying to you. End the relationship nothing good is going to come of this for you. Honestly. I am very liberal with my opinions on drug use and this situation absolutely won't go well for you.