GP's who are teachers not being remorseful for corporal punishment

[maratara]

I have recently found out that my MIL and FIL who were both primary school teachers ( so up to 12yo max) have both caned children who were badly behaved when they were teaching in the 70's and 80's. It has blown my mind. I burst into tears - I have left all my 4 children with them alone at various times . I had no idea. They think it was just the times, and I am overreacting and I don't understand how things were. This is not that long ago though really! And nobody had a gun to their head to hit a child.

I think they were bullies who used a power imbalance to hit a child with a stick.
Needless to say our relationship has taken a bad turn. I really liked them until now - been with their son for close to 20 years but only found out about this 2 days ago.
What would you do?
My youngest is 11 so it's easy to say he just doesn't want to stay at Grandma's anymore in the holidays for a night. Other children are adults so would never stay the night - just come to family gatherings and things.

What do other people think?

Have they ever done anything to your children? I'd be inclined to think it was the done thing back in the 70s and has no bearing on life now. If they have always been trustworthy with their grandchildren why would you think they would hurt them now?

No I don't think they will hurt my children. I have just lost all respect for them and their judgment.

I think you're over reacting. They're right in as much as it was (thankfully) a different time & children getting the belt at school was an accepted form of discipline

Thankfully times have changed now but I don't see why your feelings have changed or your worried about your children's safety. Presumably since this has come as a shock you're not recognising the people you know.

Don't stop your 11 year old staying. There's no reason to sour his (or your) relationship with them over something that happened 40 years ago.

You’re being ridiculous! It was a different time and rules have changed, it doesn’t mean they would ever hit your children. If you had been a teacher in the 70s you might very well have done the same

I was at primary in the 70s- went to a few schools- this was not normal. I never heard of it or experienced it thank god. And if I had my parents would have gone bonkers. So not normal.

They think it was just the times, and I am overreacting and I don't understand how things were.

I'd say they're right. You've known them for 20 years. You're talking about a period 30-50 years ago when what they did was widely acceptable. (More in the 1970s, to be fair)

If they've moved with the times and never hurt your children, bursting into tears is a very strong reaction.

I meant soooo not normal in an astonished tone- just reread and it sounds wrong-not saying my experience answers the question!

I think you're being hysterical. All schools had corporal punishment in the 70s, many countries still do. Don't get me wrong - I much prefer life without it and have raised my own children without it. But it wasn't some evil brutality exerted by "bullies", it was just a form of punishment. Children still get punished today, they get punished in schools and homes all the time. Does that make all their parents and teachers "bullies"? Why would it be bullying to punish a child with a stick but not to punish them with a parental telling off or a loss of privileges? Bullying is as much a psychological as a physical phenomenon.

The idea that someone simply having lived through that era and partaken in what were the accepted ways of adults disciplining children, makes them a danger to your 11-year-old now, is ridiculous.

Have your adult children said anything about being concerned by this? Or are you just whipping it up on their behalf?

Settle down.
Life is different now. Don't ruin your whole family because you don't agree with something that happened years ago.
Geez none of us are faultless.

Do they still condone it now? 80's was long time ago

It was more common at private schools by that stage @UnRavellingFast , if that makes a difference? Only banned in 1998 there, and this century in Scotland and Northern Ireland.

It was common at my school, but only ever administered to boys, never girls. Were you at single sex schools? It's possible many girls' schools never had it so children might not even have been aware of it.

It wasn't their fault , it was part of the job and the accepted best practice then.

Our kids will definitely think our views are outmoded when they're older.

They may be filled with contempt for us for (e.g.) eating meat, burning fossil fuels etc., God help us!

So I don't think you should cut them off

I think you need to get a grip. Utterly ludicrous response.

Nearly 50 years ago? I think you’re overreacting. In addition, a grandparent relationship is different to a school teacher-pupil relationship. If they’ve never physically punished your children, you know all you need to know, tbh.

I try and hold back on using the word hysteria but it seems fitting, what on earth would you do? if you are genuinely asking

I would think you're being a bit of a drama queen and are whipping up anxieties over nothing. It was best practise 40+ years ago but it isn't now.

What are you gaining from acting like these elderly people are suddenly a risk to your children? How pathetically dramatic.

It was normal in most schools. Most adults know this. And so do you.

I think you’re being ridiculous @maratara . No crime was permitted and no rule was broken. Attitudes change. It was utterly unremarkable to give your kids a coke and a pack of crisps and leave them in the car while you had a drink in the pub in the 70s. People also smoked in the office, in restaurants and in the car while driving their children about. Women were expected to stop working when they got pregnant. You seem utterly unaware that things change.

It was very different times and we know better now. We are talking, I assume, about predictable punishment for specific misbehaviours rather than random beatings. So not bullying but yes, very unpleasant. People were arguing that it was wrong and harmful to children in the 70’s, people are arguing now that excessive screen time for children or screens for under 2s are harmful for children. Perhaps hundred of thousands of parents will cut off by their adult children in 50 years time if the consensus has moved to horror at parents “doing that” to their children in the 2010s and 2020s. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Bursting into tears seems a very extreme reaction! Seems all a bit dramatic

More to the point how did they bring up their own children? That is what you need to focus on.

As others have said, things were different, the past is a different country, they probably drove their kids around in cars without seatbelts, if they smoked they will have smoked in cinemas and restaurants and on public transport , they probably laughed at Benny Hill and On the Buses, watched the Black and White Minstrel Show and thought Jimmy Savile was an eccentric but basically decent man who raised huge amounts for charity.

A retired teacher once told me she hated using the belt but had to do it at least once or you would be forever known as the "soft" teacher since you weren't doing what all the other teachers did.
I hope you have calmed down now OP

If you genuinely feel strongly about cruelty to children you could try vetoing most well known brands of trainers, many of which are assembled in underground overheated sweatshops for a wage of literally pennies to children, some as young as eight.
Or you could try vetoing clothes stores such as Primark who depend on Bangledeshi factories exploiting child workers in buildings which are rendered unsafe by flooding every year.
This is happening now, not fifty years ago, so you could shed far more relevant tears about that if you chose.