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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What's wrong with my husband?

210 replies

Redlegged · 27/08/2023 19:33

I really don't know which section to post this but I'm pulling my hair out and doctors are useless so I'm hoping someone will say "oh I know what that is..."

My husband has a history of mental health problems, but not since we met. He can't handle stress at all well and gets overloaded quite easily.

He had some kind of nervous breakdown a couple of years ago which seemed a bit abnormal to me. He got paranoia and behaved in some strange ways. I would say he seemed depressed but it seemed like more than that. It was some sort of episode.

He saw the GP at the time for numerous physical complaints - stomach aches and so on, but the GP found nothing. The GP said he felt he needed mental healthcare but DH refused (he's VERY anti this due to traumatic past experience as a teen).

This episode where he was very extreme seemed to go on for 3 months, then he was listless for months.

After that he got better but we had to change our life significantly to remove all stress. Then he got covid. Not sure if that's relevant but it might be so I'm putting it in.

Then about six after the episode he got joint pain and fatigue. That's escalated and escalated to a point where we don't do anything or go anywhere. He wakes up in the night in pain, he wakes up in the morning in pain, he is always exhausted.

He gets an extremely swollen abdomen. He's developed allergies to foods and pollen. Painkillers do nothing. It's worst in the morning. Stress exacerbates it.

Now he's developed a heart problem. He's only 41 and was a keen cyclist with exceptional fitness and we eat like vegans! His heart has always been fine.

We've seen doctors and had every test and everything comes back negative. They're not really helping us, we just get passed from pillar to post.

Does anyone have any ideas?

I'm at my wits end. He doesn't even have energy to speak to me.

OP posts:
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Dodie66 · 06/09/2023 12:52

Re the test for fibromyalgia. I saw a rheumatologist and he basically did what the physio did for your husband. Moved joint and pressed on my body in certain pressure points and then said I have fibromyalgia. There are no specific tests for fibromyalgia. They just ruled out everything else first

Redlegged · 06/09/2023 13:24

Thanks @Dodie66 my problem is that they haven't ruled out everything else. The private GP we saw on Monday evening said all the suggestions on here were valid, as well as a number of viruses, MS and other things and he said fibromyalgia was after we ruled all that out.

OP posts:
Dodie66 · 06/09/2023 13:35

They didn’t rule everything else out in my case either. Had blood tests, heart checks etc. didn’t have as many symptoms as your DH though.

DonnaBanana · 06/09/2023 17:45

All of those symptoms that began after unresolved significant psychological problems? Somatoform disorder would be top of my list and psychotherapy the treatment. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_symptom_disorder

Somatic symptom disorder - Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_symptom_disorder?wprov=sfti1

TheJoyousExpert · 15/08/2024 10:54

Hi @Redlegged
I wondered whether you’d got any answer at all?
do hope your husband is feeling better

blackpooolrock · 20/09/2024 16:22

ask for him to be tested for SIBO. Small Intestinal bacterial overgrowth. It can cause stomach issues but also cause issues like agrophobia and other mental health issues.

Washingforweeks · 20/09/2024 18:13

I could have wrote this myself about me.
I was at my wits end with it feeling seriously suicidal. It was mainly the pain I could no longer tolerate, the stomach issues which led me to all sorts of wrong conclusions- gps diagnosed IBS, lactose intolerance and gluten intolerance. My body ached the lot. And it suddenly all came on out of the blue. My mental health nose dived and this march I had a full blown breakdown.

I found online a very random chat site and a man on there told me to ask for a H-paloris test from gp. I had a facking parasite!!! They are so common and many live with them with out knowing and with out symptoms.

I may be wrong, but it sounds like he’s at his wits end so what’s to loose xx
I hope you both get answers 🌷

Absolutelydonewithit · 30/07/2025 18:03

StorminanDcup · 27/08/2023 20:08

Lyme Disease

there was a post on here the other day by a lady who had been basically bed ridden for a couple of years and suffering all sorts of pain and medical issues. Sorry I can’t remember the thread so I can’t link it. But Lyme disease is an autoimmune condition and can also cause serious mental health issues when not treated.

Might be worth the tests to rule it out.

Edited

Came in here to say this - especially as you say he hiked a lot.

slightlydistrac · 30/07/2025 18:08

Take your spam and eff off.

BeElatedPeachLion · 30/07/2025 21:41

Have you done any research about PANS?

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