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Original poster

Started seeing a new guy after break up for a month and he blocked me after numerous dates

55 replies

Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 16:06

Hi everyone,

I'm just looking for other women who have been in similar situations. I've been very silly recently.

I got out of a long term relationship a few months ago. I started speaking to this guy on OLD, we hit if off straight away and agreed to go on a date on the Saturday the sane week we started talking. We'd talk loads, video chat etc, seemed to want the same things and shared the same values and culture. Im 25 and he was 34.

He took me on a very lavish first date, spent 8 hours together he was so keen arrived to pick me up from a location near my home 3 hours before the date was arranged. He seemed very infatuated with my looks, he was very attractive too. Immediately, when we sat down he told me he wanted to be with me. After a few glasses of wine he started saying things like he wanted to give me babies etc. I told him steady on, but he made it clear he wanted children, wife and all the rest of it.

We saw eachother twice more. Then by our 2nd date he asked me to be his gf. I was dubious but went with it. By our 4td date, we were all loved up and I agreed to go him with him, we had sex... this is when I noticed a change. Suddenly
, he had issues with his business and he seemed distant but still engaging. He had arranged to see me on a Friday last week, he then suddenly had to stay back late at work and asked to rearrange for Saturday. Saturday came and in the morning he messages saying he's going work (he's a contractor in steel engineering) I asked about seeing him later, no response. I then messaged him later that evening sftrr mo hearing from him to blurt my feelings saying I feel like after we had sex he lost interest. He reassured me to say its just stress etc.

By this point, I decided to ignore him to gain perspective. I told him I feel like he likes the idea of having a gf more than the reality etc. It was Wednesday when he messaged saying he wanted to talk and meet me to "sort things out" he said he was sorry and he missed me. He also mentioned he had a situation with his ex where she turned up to his house over the weekend (when we were supposed to meet) then the police were called and he didn't want to tell me, as though it'd put me off. Alarm bells started ringing. As there's always a new excuse with him.

Despite my gut telling me not to trust me, I agreed to meet after work. He picked me up and we were supposed to go for coffee, but he said he had been on a building site so wanted to shower first. Long and behold, we didn't go for coffee we ended up having sex... seems that was his motive all along. We then went yo get food, watch TV and then he told me he loved me.

I know it was all outlandish but when the next morning came around. All fine, he dropped me back home abs he went to work and kisses me goodbye. Throughout the day he messages me saying how nice the night had been and general chit chat. I then go to respond to his message and I recall him saying he wanted to spend this bank holiday weekend with me. So I asked him if that's still the plan. Withing seconds he blocked me on whatsapp and from calling him. I don't use social media. So text and calls are our only form of contact.

I haven't spoken to him since. But jow I'm nervous as we had unprotected sex and I haven't taken any precautions. I just pray I'm not pregnant....

I get I've been played now. But I'm confused why he'd go to the lengths he has just for sex? Also, he told me strabfe things like wanting to get me pregnant and get married etc

What do you think was the reason for this behaviour. Why not just end it or not see me again? I am Hury but realise its my fault :(

Thanks to anyone reading!

OP posts:
EggOverEasy · 26/08/2023 16:09

"But I'm confused why he'd go to the lengths he has just for sex? Also, he told me strabfe things like wanting to get me pregnant and get married etc"

He told you what he thought you wanted to hear to get what he wanted. The getting you pregnant and marrying you are 🚩🚩🚩🚩.

Learn from this and move on.

MrJi · 26/08/2023 16:10

The “I love you” after a few dates was a red flag on its own, but marriage and a baby ? He was telling you what he thought would get you into bed. Sorry.

Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 16:13

@EggOverEasy thanks for you reply. Yes deffo naivety from my part, still feel silly but won't repeat this

OP posts:
Deathbyfluffy · 26/08/2023 16:14

Just move on and pray you’re not pregnant - you’ve not done anything wrong apart from having unprotected sex.
There are lots of nice men out there, he just wasn’t one of them.

Please try and be more safe with sex in future too; some men don’t care about contraception (I do, but some stories from my friends in their younger years are fairly grim) so it’s important to protect yourself.

Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 16:14

MrJi · 26/08/2023 16:10

The “I love you” after a few dates was a red flag on its own, but marriage and a baby ? He was telling you what he thought would get you into bed. Sorry.

But we had sex twice before he blocked me. I would have thought he would have done this after the first time. But yes you're right...

OP posts:
Acornsoup · 26/08/2023 16:15

Sounds like love bombing. Be careful he doesn't keep setting you aside and then looping you back in OP. Best to block him and move on Flowers

Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 16:17

Deathbyfluffy · 26/08/2023 16:14

Just move on and pray you’re not pregnant - you’ve not done anything wrong apart from having unprotected sex.
There are lots of nice men out there, he just wasn’t one of them.

Please try and be more safe with sex in future too; some men don’t care about contraception (I do, but some stories from my friends in their younger years are fairly grim) so it’s important to protect yourself.

Thanks deathbyfluffy. It's true, but not sure I'm ready for dating anyone after this. Really makes me cynical

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 16:19

Acornsoup · 26/08/2023 16:15

Sounds like love bombing. Be careful he doesn't keep setting you aside and then looping you back in OP. Best to block him and move on Flowers

Thank you, yes it definitely was love bombing... I have blocked him and intend to keep it like that. I doubt he will come back anyway, probably found a new victim!

OP posts:
VictoriaVenkman · 26/08/2023 16:19

He love bombed you to get you into bed. He then tried the 'I must go back to my place' trick and it worked for the second time (you're not the first and not the last to fall for that). He now has no interest. Best to block and move on. Sorry this happened to you Flowers

Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 16:23

VictoriaVenkman · 26/08/2023 16:19

He love bombed you to get you into bed. He then tried the 'I must go back to my place' trick and it worked for the second time (you're not the first and not the last to fall for that). He now has no interest. Best to block and move on. Sorry this happened to you Flowers

I do see that now and had my doubts from inception. But I've never been in a situation where I felt like I was actually in a relationship... thank for your kind words. X

OP posts:
Thelonelygiraffe · 26/08/2023 16:24

Oh, come on. Why have unprotected sex with a stranger? Take the morning after pill.

Also, look up lovebombing. This guy has more 🚩 than a Scout jamboree...

beatrix1234 · 26/08/2023 16:33

Lover boy wanted a couple of shags and a nice massage ego so he loved bombed you. You provided him with both things pretty fast, he had no intention to have a relationship with you. Once his mission was accomplished he moved on to his new victim.

This man had more red flags on that first date than a Putin convention. You need to learn to read red flags, one of the biggest is love bombing.

Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 16:35

Thelonelygiraffe · 26/08/2023 16:24

Oh, come on. Why have unprotected sex with a stranger? Take the morning after pill.

Also, look up lovebombing. This guy has more 🚩 than a Scout jamboree...

Yes, I know very silly... I guess this is a lesson learned. I took the morning after pill quite late in the week so I hope it's still affective. I have looked up love bombing and I realise this 8s what happened to me and I fell for it sadly.

OP posts:
Goldcircle · 26/08/2023 16:38

Of course it was just for sex! Learn and move on

Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 16:42

Goldcircle · 26/08/2023 16:38

Of course it was just for sex! Learn and move on

Yes I know that. But why lie about the relationship, why not say that's what he's looking for? I guess the answer is self explanatory. I'm just very inexperienced with dating. Only ever had 1 boyfriend for many years so I wasn't sure ... I've learnt my lesson now though

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 16:42

beatrix1234 · 26/08/2023 16:33

Lover boy wanted a couple of shags and a nice massage ego so he loved bombed you. You provided him with both things pretty fast, he had no intention to have a relationship with you. Once his mission was accomplished he moved on to his new victim.

This man had more red flags on that first date than a Putin convention. You need to learn to read red flags, one of the biggest is love bombing.

Very true Beatrix. I guess I have to put this down to character building now.

OP posts:
Notlongnow01 · 26/08/2023 16:47

Well you know he wanted sex as on the first date he said he wanted to get you pregnant. Now you are wondering if you are!

Jibbi · 26/08/2023 16:51

You've been love bombed and that's how it works, they also future fake to seal the deal. The intensity at the beginning right from the off draws you in because it's so unbelievably good and the idea of something more long term you're hooked.

Doesn't matter what story it was or what was promised, it worked and because it worked once it would likely work again. Which it did.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 26/08/2023 17:14

Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 16:42

Yes I know that. But why lie about the relationship, why not say that's what he's looking for? I guess the answer is self explanatory. I'm just very inexperienced with dating. Only ever had 1 boyfriend for many years so I wasn't sure ... I've learnt my lesson now though

Show quote history

Because a lot of women aren't interested in having casual sex unless theres a relationship on the cards. Men know this, which is why the ones who are looking for a quick shag will love bomb to start with, to try and get the woman into bed ASAP.

SaturdayGiraffe · 26/08/2023 17:20

Spending any time wondering why he did anything is a waste of time. Get yourself STI tested, this won’t be his first rodeo.

anon2022anon · 26/08/2023 17:26

Can I ask you why on earth you had unprotected sex with him, and then didn't get the morning after pill straight away, when you say your gut was telling you things were off? Or even if your gut wasn't telling you that, you still would consider it after a handful of dates and feeling used already?

I'm not being harsh, but you really, really need to look at why you were willing to potentially get pregnant (as well as STDs) from someone you just met. It's one thing to make a rash decision, and not use protection, but it's another to not try and sort it the next day- I think you need to think about why you're putting yourself in that situation at 25 years old.

samestyle · 26/08/2023 18:00

The situation with the ex is concerning, he didn't want you to know much about that. I wouldn't take it personally he sounds like a right dickhead with any woman he's with, and by the sound of it it's best it's ended before it even properly started. He's selfish, lies to get what he wants, and will say anything, doesn't care how he cuts you off.

A lot of guys like this OLD, all you can do is go at your pace in future don't get pressured into anything you find too soon, such as marriage/love chats, after a few dates? They def won't mean a word of it and sleeping with them before you feel ready, it should feel natural. A lot of the players will simply be bored going on dates without sex and drop off like flies.

beatrix1234 · 26/08/2023 18:00
  • @anon2022anon I think you need to think about why you're putting yourself in that situation at 25 years old

The above 👆

imagine getting pregnant from this waste of oxygen 😢

beatrix1234 · 26/08/2023 18:09

OP you really need to wisen up a bit before going into OLD, you sound a bit green with all my respects. OLD is the Wild West, not for the faint hearted. I wish there was a manual for young women (and not so young) as to how to navigate OLD. Something that would save you lots of time, money and heartbreak.

Dery · 26/08/2023 18:14

“Can I ask you why on earth you had unprotected sex with him, and then didn't get the morning after pill straight away, when you say your gut was telling you things were off? Or even if your gut wasn't telling you that, you still would consider it after a handful of dates and feeling used already?

I'm not being harsh, but you really, really need to look at why you were willing to potentially get pregnant (as well as STDs) from someone you just met. It's one thing to make a rash decision, and not use protection, but it's another to not try and sort it the next day- I think you need to think about why you're putting yourself in that situation at 25 years old.”

This with bells on. What were you thinking, OP? If he’s having unprotected sex with you, he’s having unprotected sex with other people. You really need to work on your sense of self-preservation because it let you down very badly here.

Also - I’m afraid many men will lie to get you into bed. NEVER trust a man who says he loves you on a first date. Trust must always be earned. As PP have said - learn to recognise love-bombing and work on your shark cage also.