Started seeing a new guy after break up for a month and he blocked me after numerous dates

[Notsuregirl123]

Hi everyone,

I'm just looking for other women who have been in similar situations. I've been very silly recently.

I got out of a long term relationship a few months ago. I started speaking to this guy on OLD, we hit if off straight away and agreed to go on a date on the Saturday the sane week we started talking. We'd talk loads, video chat etc, seemed to want the same things and shared the same values and culture. Im 25 and he was 34.

He took me on a very lavish first date, spent 8 hours together he was so keen arrived to pick me up from a location near my home 3 hours before the date was arranged. He seemed very infatuated with my looks, he was very attractive too. Immediately, when we sat down he told me he wanted to be with me. After a few glasses of wine he started saying things like he wanted to give me babies etc. I told him steady on, but he made it clear he wanted children, wife and all the rest of it.

We saw eachother twice more. Then by our 2nd date he asked me to be his gf. I was dubious but went with it. By our 4td date, we were all loved up and I agreed to go him with him, we had sex... this is when I noticed a change. Suddenly
, he had issues with his business and he seemed distant but still engaging. He had arranged to see me on a Friday last week, he then suddenly had to stay back late at work and asked to rearrange for Saturday. Saturday came and in the morning he messages saying he's going work (he's a contractor in steel engineering) I asked about seeing him later, no response. I then messaged him later that evening sftrr mo hearing from him to blurt my feelings saying I feel like after we had sex he lost interest. He reassured me to say its just stress etc.

By this point, I decided to ignore him to gain perspective. I told him I feel like he likes the idea of having a gf more than the reality etc. It was Wednesday when he messaged saying he wanted to talk and meet me to "sort things out" he said he was sorry and he missed me. He also mentioned he had a situation with his ex where she turned up to his house over the weekend (when we were supposed to meet) then the police were called and he didn't want to tell me, as though it'd put me off. Alarm bells started ringing. As there's always a new excuse with him.

Despite my gut telling me not to trust me, I agreed to meet after work. He picked me up and we were supposed to go for coffee, but he said he had been on a building site so wanted to shower first. Long and behold, we didn't go for coffee we ended up having sex... seems that was his motive all along. We then went yo get food, watch TV and then he told me he loved me.

I know it was all outlandish but when the next morning came around. All fine, he dropped me back home abs he went to work and kisses me goodbye. Throughout the day he messages me saying how nice the night had been and general chit chat. I then go to respond to his message and I recall him saying he wanted to spend this bank holiday weekend with me. So I asked him if that's still the plan. Withing seconds he blocked me on whatsapp and from calling him. I don't use social media. So text and calls are our only form of contact.

I haven't spoken to him since. But jow I'm nervous as we had unprotected sex and I haven't taken any precautions. I just pray I'm not pregnant....

I get I've been played now. But I'm confused why he'd go to the lengths he has just for sex? Also, he told me strabfe things like wanting to get me pregnant and get married etc

What do you think was the reason for this behaviour. Why not just end it or not see me again? I am Hury but realise its my fault :(

Thanks to anyone reading!

I really loathe it when people say “what were you thinking,” as If they’ve never made mistakes. It’s not helpful to throw rocks at someone who is already hurting, and came on here to be helped. Ffs.

OP. Huge huge hugs. This man was a predator, and they’re good at what they do. Indeed: why would he go through all that work? Maybe he believed what he said in the moments he said it - sometimes they do.
he could even be married, trying to have a fantasy life.
you are young and have far more to offer than he does.

Im wishing you healing, and please, as others said, don’t beat yourself up. The ones who are wrong and sick are the people who prey on trusting people.

give yourself time to heal. Future faking and love bombing are emotional abuse, and it might take longer to heal from this than the time you spent with him, because he did this utter shit to you. It gets under your skin and stays a while. They do it to gain power over someone , and generally also there’s already a power imbalance when he’s that much older.

Check out loverobinclark on Instagram- she has so many helpful things to say; you deserve your own most fierce protection moving forward in life, but you did absolutely nothing wrong - this predator is a horrid person, and believe me, he’s got karma coming to him.

wishing you well

@Newnamehiwhodis I actually think sometimes what were you thinking (in a kind way) is needed. The OP has addressed this thread in the manner that the silly thing she's done is falling for this man's lies, which lots of people might have done, and results in a sore ego, but in the long term probably no harm done.

But until it's been brought up, she doesn't seem to think that the real issue is that she's risked being a single parent and sexual health- probably because that's not the bits that's hurting right now, the fact he's played her is. But that's the bit that can have life changing repercussions.

Sometimes we need a bit of a life check from those who have been there before (speaking as someone who was a single parent at 18, and whose ex gave her multiple STDs). What I've learnt is in a year's time, I wouldn't have thought twice about that guy, but the potential side effects aren't worth risking!

Men would say things they think women want to hear to get sex.

But - come on! You are 25. You know about bird and bees. You also know about STDs.

Forget about why he did/say what he did.
Why are YOU putting your health and future at risk???

This seems to be what internet dating has become now. It's just a tool for getting women into bed/having a wank courtesy of a stranger you've no intention of meeting. Not that I do that but it seems to be a thing. I find the men all try and get me into some sex chat almost straightaway - which I won't do so then I don't hear from them again. I can't be bothered with it. Men on dating apps are just ghastly, I'd rather die alone!

Sorry you've been played OP. A friend of mine has had this a few times now. It's horrible.

Which is why I stopped doing OLD, I for the life of god could not deal anymore with the fuck boys, the married, the future fakers, the weirdos and the akward first dates. It started to feel like an unpaid job. Sorry for sounding bitter but I believe that OLD caters mostly to mens needs, brings out the most predatorial types and promotes awful behaviour just because they're hiding behind a screen.