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Original poster

Started seeing a new guy after break up for a month and he blocked me after numerous dates

55 replies

Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 16:06

Hi everyone,

I'm just looking for other women who have been in similar situations. I've been very silly recently.

I got out of a long term relationship a few months ago. I started speaking to this guy on OLD, we hit if off straight away and agreed to go on a date on the Saturday the sane week we started talking. We'd talk loads, video chat etc, seemed to want the same things and shared the same values and culture. Im 25 and he was 34.

He took me on a very lavish first date, spent 8 hours together he was so keen arrived to pick me up from a location near my home 3 hours before the date was arranged. He seemed very infatuated with my looks, he was very attractive too. Immediately, when we sat down he told me he wanted to be with me. After a few glasses of wine he started saying things like he wanted to give me babies etc. I told him steady on, but he made it clear he wanted children, wife and all the rest of it.

We saw eachother twice more. Then by our 2nd date he asked me to be his gf. I was dubious but went with it. By our 4td date, we were all loved up and I agreed to go him with him, we had sex... this is when I noticed a change. Suddenly
, he had issues with his business and he seemed distant but still engaging. He had arranged to see me on a Friday last week, he then suddenly had to stay back late at work and asked to rearrange for Saturday. Saturday came and in the morning he messages saying he's going work (he's a contractor in steel engineering) I asked about seeing him later, no response. I then messaged him later that evening sftrr mo hearing from him to blurt my feelings saying I feel like after we had sex he lost interest. He reassured me to say its just stress etc.

By this point, I decided to ignore him to gain perspective. I told him I feel like he likes the idea of having a gf more than the reality etc. It was Wednesday when he messaged saying he wanted to talk and meet me to "sort things out" he said he was sorry and he missed me. He also mentioned he had a situation with his ex where she turned up to his house over the weekend (when we were supposed to meet) then the police were called and he didn't want to tell me, as though it'd put me off. Alarm bells started ringing. As there's always a new excuse with him.

Despite my gut telling me not to trust me, I agreed to meet after work. He picked me up and we were supposed to go for coffee, but he said he had been on a building site so wanted to shower first. Long and behold, we didn't go for coffee we ended up having sex... seems that was his motive all along. We then went yo get food, watch TV and then he told me he loved me.

I know it was all outlandish but when the next morning came around. All fine, he dropped me back home abs he went to work and kisses me goodbye. Throughout the day he messages me saying how nice the night had been and general chit chat. I then go to respond to his message and I recall him saying he wanted to spend this bank holiday weekend with me. So I asked him if that's still the plan. Withing seconds he blocked me on whatsapp and from calling him. I don't use social media. So text and calls are our only form of contact.

I haven't spoken to him since. But jow I'm nervous as we had unprotected sex and I haven't taken any precautions. I just pray I'm not pregnant....

I get I've been played now. But I'm confused why he'd go to the lengths he has just for sex? Also, he told me strabfe things like wanting to get me pregnant and get married etc

What do you think was the reason for this behaviour. Why not just end it or not see me again? I am Hury but realise its my fault :(

Thanks to anyone reading!

OP posts:
ShellySarah · 26/08/2023 18:24

He isn't single. I'd put money on it

Whattodowithit88 · 26/08/2023 20:08

That “ex” that came the weekend was his girlfriend I bet. They just say what they think you want to hear. Men can be quite cruel really.

Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 20:43

beatrix1234 · 26/08/2023 18:09

OP you really need to wisen up a bit before going into OLD, you sound a bit green with all my respects. OLD is the Wild West, not for the faint hearted. I wish there was a manual for young women (and not so young) as to how to navigate OLD. Something that would save you lots of time, money and heartbreak.

I think I will steer well clear from OLD, this experience has not only made me cynical of the whole process, but I feel quite traumatised. I wish there was a manual for dating 😕

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 20:44

samestyle · 26/08/2023 18:00

The situation with the ex is concerning, he didn't want you to know much about that. I wouldn't take it personally he sounds like a right dickhead with any woman he's with, and by the sound of it it's best it's ended before it even properly started. He's selfish, lies to get what he wants, and will say anything, doesn't care how he cuts you off.

A lot of guys like this OLD, all you can do is go at your pace in future don't get pressured into anything you find too soon, such as marriage/love chats, after a few dates? They def won't mean a word of it and sleeping with them before you feel ready, it should feel natural. A lot of the players will simply be bored going on dates without sex and drop off like flies.

The signs were all there... and thank you for your comments. I think I've been far too naive and trusting. I am beating myself up about it. I'm hopeful no real damage has been done

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 20:45

ShellySarah · 26/08/2023 18:24

He isn't single. I'd put money on it

I'm starting to think he probably had a girlfriend but no point in speculating I suppose. He was just a jerk and I was just a fool 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 20:47

Dery · 26/08/2023 18:14

“Can I ask you why on earth you had unprotected sex with him, and then didn't get the morning after pill straight away, when you say your gut was telling you things were off? Or even if your gut wasn't telling you that, you still would consider it after a handful of dates and feeling used already?

I'm not being harsh, but you really, really need to look at why you were willing to potentially get pregnant (as well as STDs) from someone you just met. It's one thing to make a rash decision, and not use protection, but it's another to not try and sort it the next day- I think you need to think about why you're putting yourself in that situation at 25 years old.”

This with bells on. What were you thinking, OP? If he’s having unprotected sex with you, he’s having unprotected sex with other people. You really need to work on your sense of self-preservation because it let you down very badly here.

Also - I’m afraid many men will lie to get you into bed. NEVER trust a man who says he loves you on a first date. Trust must always be earned. As PP have said - learn to recognise love-bombing and work on your shark cage also.

All of the above is 100% accurate. I'm not sure what I was thinking, I don't think I was thinking at all. But I must take this as a huge life lesson. Sometimes, we have to accept wheb we have made mistakes, in order to grow and make wiser decisions. It's just unfortunate I had to learn the hard way!

OP posts:
beatrix1234 · 26/08/2023 20:53

@Notsuregirl123 I wish there was a manual for dating.

me too, believe me, I'm much older than you and did my fare share of stupid naive stuff, however... the sex without protection with this guy crosses the line from "stupid" to putting your health (mental and physical) at stake, never do that again.

WunWun · 26/08/2023 20:59

He lied about the relationship etc to get you to sleep with him. It's called love bombing. That's precisely why they do it, for sex

OLD is mostly this kind of nonsense tbh. You occasionally hear a positive story, but it is the needle in the haystack

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 26/08/2023 21:02

Ok I’ll go against the grain a bit. Years ago when OLD was just starting to be a thing I found myself single after a long term relationship ended. I was 31 and was undecided on the marriage and kids thing but didn’t want to be by myself (probably would’ve been the best thing for me!). So the guys I was meeting actually weren’t sure about the OLD thing as it was all new to them.

Over the years I had one guy say “I can’t wait to fill your belly with babies” on the first date and I ran a mile from him. Another first date I was 33/34 and the man told me on the date and on our way to the tube station that “time was running out for me and I was his best option”. I got a bit down after that on my tube journey home. Another guy before told me on the second date that he wasn’t marriage material. Yet I ended up dating him for 2 years!

What men say to you on a first or second date is usually a good indicator of what they’re like/want.

Some men do play games and lie too. The ones who don’t aren’t rare though, you can find them even on OLD.

I’m currently dating a guy from Happn who’s a nice guy. Since January. I’m not sure if he’s the one by any means and I’m actually chatting with 2 other men from the site by text as friends. A previous ex of mine was great but I always knew he wasn’t sure if he really wanted a relationship or not, wE dated for just over a year (but was happy to date me).

Anyway at 25 you shouldn’t in my view be messing around with men who are F boys (as an ex younger colleague of mine said). Have fun. Avoid men like this idiot like the plague.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 26/08/2023 21:04

After a few glasses of wine he started saying things like he wanted to give me babies etc.

This was where you should have walked out & blocked. What kind of loser says that to someone he just met?

Maybe it's too soon for you to be dating. Do the Freedom Programne.

ShellySarah · 26/08/2023 21:04

Notsuregirl123 · 26/08/2023 20:45

I'm starting to think he probably had a girlfriend but no point in speculating I suppose. He was just a jerk and I was just a fool 😞

Show quote history

You're not a fool. Please don't say that.

Don't blame yourself for his bad behaviour

Copperoliverbear · 26/08/2023 21:05

He got what he wanted and left, probably does it all the time.

YoSof · 26/08/2023 21:19

It’s really concerning that you either didn’t see or chose to ignore all the red flags he was waving.

Mugworttea · 26/08/2023 21:20

Hey OP, sorry this happened to you. Please try to not beat yourself up or think any of this was your fault. You sound kind and genuine and there are just people out there that are not. You've definitely dodged a bullet but do not let this be something you use to beat yourself with. I've been there with a man like this and it does feel awful. Hopefully he will crawl back under that rock, but be prepared for him coming back for more. Sounds like you've put a barrier there with blocking him, good for you. Some woman can be a vulnerable stage were they think they deserve his sort of treatment, so just be glad you've seen early!
Regarding people shaming the whole sex thing, go easy...it sounds like you've learned something positive from this. Don't let people put you down for being human!

Good luck, and there will be a time this will be just a distant memory xxx

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 26/08/2023 21:22

YoSof · 26/08/2023 21:19

It’s really concerning that you either didn’t see or chose to ignore all the red flags he was waving.

It’s not that helpful to the OP not long out of a serious relationship and 25 years old.

I knew about this at this age but when I was dating in my 30s assumed most men had matured and stopped playing games, wrong!

xyz111 · 26/08/2023 21:32

Op, I don't know all the details about the morning after pill, but if you took it, then had unprotected sex again, I would check whether it would still "cover" you. I personally wouldn't to risk being a single mum because of this man.

cosmos4 · 26/08/2023 21:36

I look back to my time in all this, well before internet dating. I still made some huge mistakes despite things perhaps being more 'straightforward' then and I can see how you could be flattered and taken in, particularly if you hadn't met men like this before. My experience of men was generally just before and during uni and they were good people. It was only after that time that I came across some men like this and really hadn't had experience of them. This led to some bad mistakes. Don't beat yourself up about this OP - you can move on and be clear to raise your standards now and establish clear boundaries for yourself. Maybe it will be a turning point and be for the positive when you look back in years to come.

Purplecatshopaholic · 26/08/2023 21:39

God, some men are just such low-life shits. I’m sorry this happened to you op.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 26/08/2023 21:54

cosmos4 · 26/08/2023 21:36

I look back to my time in all this, well before internet dating. I still made some huge mistakes despite things perhaps being more 'straightforward' then and I can see how you could be flattered and taken in, particularly if you hadn't met men like this before. My experience of men was generally just before and during uni and they were good people. It was only after that time that I came across some men like this and really hadn't had experience of them. This led to some bad mistakes. Don't beat yourself up about this OP - you can move on and be clear to raise your standards now and establish clear boundaries for yourself. Maybe it will be a turning point and be for the positive when you look back in years to come.

Yep me too which is why I gave my experiences.

not only internet but men I’ve met in real life through friends. One classic was an Irish guy, professional accountant but whinged about his boss the entire time. So much so that I ended it on this basis. We then got back together but he had a weed and drink issue and blamed his mother for everything including sending him to boarding school. After that I ran in the opposite direction! His friend who I knew said “oh he’s lovely”.

LondonLovie · 26/08/2023 22:05

You need to get fully tested for STDs. You literally don't know anything about where this guy has been.

YoSof · 26/08/2023 22:09

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 26/08/2023 21:22

It’s not that helpful to the OP not long out of a serious relationship and 25 years old.

I knew about this at this age but when I was dating in my 30s assumed most men had matured and stopped playing games, wrong!

Show quote history

But it is concerning.

It’s not a criticism of the OP, I don’t think she did anything wrong and I’m sorry she’s hurting but if she didn’t see a man telling her on the first date that he wanted children with her, second date asked her to be his girlfriend, and told her he loved her in days then there is a problem. They are not minor red flags that could take a while to spot, they’re major and it puts the OP at risk of finding herself in an abusive relationship.

Newestname002 · 26/08/2023 22:37

@Notsuregirl123

But why lie about the relationship, why not say that's what he's looking for?

Because you might have said No - and that wasn't on his agenda. He charmed you and moved fast and he got the answer he wanted each time.

Hope the morning after pill works for you, but as it's unlikely you're the only person he's playing this game with perhaps you should consider getting and STI test also. 🌹

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 26/08/2023 23:09

YoSof · 26/08/2023 22:09

But it is concerning.

It’s not a criticism of the OP, I don’t think she did anything wrong and I’m sorry she’s hurting but if she didn’t see a man telling her on the first date that he wanted children with her, second date asked her to be his girlfriend, and told her he loved her in days then there is a problem. They are not minor red flags that could take a while to spot, they’re major and it puts the OP at risk of finding herself in an abusive relationship.

Show quote history

Oh I know it is concerning. When I had that with this guy I was in my 30s and I knew then that it was an instant turnoff and red flag for me but I was more mature.

Maybe because OP is out if I think an abusive relationship she didn’t spot the signs.

OP if you haven’t been scared off this thread. Honestly you can turn it around at 25, just a bad situation and you can get better at reading the signs. Maybe therapy or a relationship book could help.

Frogger8395 · 26/08/2023 23:31

Immediately, when we sat down he told me he wanted to be with me. After a few glasses of wine he started saying things like he wanted to give me babies etc.

This is where you should have wrapped things up and gone home. What a weirdo.

ClaraBourne · 26/08/2023 23:34

He loved bombed you to get into your knickers. Lesson learn and a few of us have been there.