Let me first start off saying I am 32 and I have 4 kids , 1 when I was 18 to my first boyfriend, 2 to my x partner and 1 to my current partner who I'm taking a break from.
I split from my x in 2016 due to falling out of love with him I was only 25, I had 3 kids I didn't feel happy and didn't want to stay in am unhappy relationship for my kids sake , he took on my 1st born when we got together when he was 4 weeks old and promised he would always be his child! Long story short when we split he took me to court for 6hrs a week access for his own 2 and left my other son who he promised to always love so I get it I do it's not nice and it was selfish of him.
A few months After we split I rekindled a relationship with my current partner who I had known from i was 16, he took on my 4 kids and everything was great , untill it wasn't we began to argue there was times we would physically fight and argue, then things got better but my oldest son has never got along with him and its became worse over time. I feel like he is always singled out, my bf always strips him of all his belongings my son says he feels like he's living in jail and he just can't do it anymore. My bf has a short temper when he asks one of my kids to do something he wants it done there and then or else, it's always his way or noway and I never feel like I have a say and if I don't back him up then I get it on the chin. I am always stuck In the middle between him and one of my 2 older boys fighting and shouting at eachother and its always over something stupid like them saying ill take the bins out after this game but it's never good enough for my Partner it needs to be done when he says so.
I'm such a laid back parent , my view is if I say dinners ready and they say I'm just finishing this game off give me 2 mins I say ok but make sure it's 2 mins I don't sweat the small stuff I'm a very positive happy person I never make a big deal out of something so small, as long as it gets done like I've asked (put ur washing away or clean ur room.
But when my partner asks its like a full war zone going on he doesn't communicate very well and his anger gets the better of him I should agree its no wonder my oldest son doesn't like him. I know kids need disaplined I'm not saying I don't agree but when I go to work I have them both texting me he's shouting in my face he's took my phone he's grabbed me by the arm he's done this . It's a very very draining relationship and not a very nice situation to be in.
We broke up last year over this situation nd after 3 weeks my partner promised me the world he told me he swore he would make a better effort to bond and he would think before he acts and he would spend more time blah blah all the usual stuff we all want to hear as girls. But it's just going in circles i went to work on Thursday and I got home to my sister on the phone shouting at my partner she has a very very short temper and isn't afraid to put anyone in their place because my son had gone to my mums stressed over my partner shouting at him and again stripping him of his belongings . My mum is the same kind of parent as me and her and my sister said my partner is nothing but a bully and he won't stop and never change untill my son finally cracks or harms himself he told his granny he didn't want to live here anymore.
I'm at my wits end , I have been thinking about this for a year now after we got back together but my partner hasn't changed his ways i just want him to love my kids the way I do I want to have family days but he never wants to take my oldest son , my partner is never happy unless it's just us 2 , I feel like one day he's in a good mood and the next I'm getting my face chewed off because one of the kids hasn't listened!
After the incident on Thursday I told him I think it's best if we take some space I need to make sure my kids especially my son is OK i don't want him to feel like he's living in jail i want my kids to know this house is their safe space and I'm here for them. I want them to live a happy life and I feel so bad for my partner but nothing is ever going to change.
It's draining me , I just feel like I've lost love for him over the last year , my home is not a happy home it's constant arguments and when we go out and argue over something silly tondo with one of the kids he publicly humiliates me and screams at me all over the pace for everyone to hear i feel like I need to put myself first I did it before I can do it again !!!
But why do i feel like I'm in the wrong and I see threads saying ur partner should always come before your kids.
I dont think the relationship is ever going to work I can't live in an unhappy home even if when we are good we're good but the arguing over my son will never stop and i don't want them to feel like I'm picking my partner over them I will always put my children and my happiness over some aragont grumpy selfish man who brings me and my kids down with negativity and toxic behaviour please say I'm doing the right thing ?