Is it ok to ask if I can join the trip

[karlaka]

The company I work for is fully remote and my colleagues are spread across Europe. In March they were planning a trip to Rome and asked me if I wanted to come. I said yes. Some of us were meant to sleep at one of our colleague's place the rest was getting an Airbnb. The colleague offered me to stay at his place. Then I moved apartment and was busy with the move. So I told the group that I might not be able to make it. I then changed my mind and said I would come, but return back home earlier. Eventually, I decided the trip was getting too expensive, so I decided not to go. I let my colleague know who lives in the same town as I do. I never messaged the rest of the group (yes I feel bad about it).

Now they sent a message in the group talking about going to Lisbon in November. I'd be keen to join, but I'm not sure if it's appropriate to ask, after having ghosted them last time.

What do you guys think?

I'd think you were flaky and would assume you'll drop out again

Normally I'm not, I was super busy with the move and things were just busy. So you would suggest not texting them back?

I'd think same as above, but I'd also give you one more chance. If you say upfront you're really interested and make it known that as soon as it's planned you'll transfer money to whoever, it'll restore some faith 😁

But do you think I should apologise for the last time? I feel really bad, I didn't give people a heads up and didn't let them know I wasn't able to make it.

Did all your messing about have negative affects on the rest of the group last time? Did it cost them money? If so, I’d be unimpressed at you asking to come along this time.
If it had no impact then I can’t see a problem really.
It does sound a bit flakey and immature to be honest though.

Yes you should apologise.

No, it did not have an impact on the group.

You can ask but only if you really think you will stick to it and own your behaviour from last time.

You were flaky with your back and forth on it and then only telling one person you weren’t going so they will likely think you’re unreliable and perhaps a bit rude and inconsiderate. But we all make mistakes and we all let people down sometimes (God knows I do, in any case).

So if and when you ask to join, it would be appropriate to acknowledge that you messed them about a bit last time and apologise for it but confirm that you’re all in this time round.

What would you say? I don't want to be over apologetic, but def good to say sorry and explain why

How would you write that message? I'm really bad with this, since they're my coworkers and I don't know them well tbh

To be fair, if you apologise now it looks like you are only doing it because you want to be on this trip. Not because you think you should.

You messed people about a lot. Then just didn’t deal with the situation when you decided you weren’t going. And didn’t apologise.

If you ask if you can go they are unlikely to say no. Wether they want you there or not is a different situation. You probably have a better sense of how they feel or wether they do want you to go than we do.

You didnt apologise for messing them around??

I wouldnt be happy about you trying to join a new trip -

No I wouldn't want you to ask after ghosting everyone

No, I did not. I was in the midst of moving house and I feel really sorry

OP, it's fine to ask. They sent the trip info in the group chat you're in. If they were that bothered about you trying to find they'd have created a 'Lisbon!!! 💃🏽 🍹' group and not added you to it.

You're overthinking a bit.
'I'm really sorry I had to drop out of the Rome trip because of the house move, I'd love to join you in Lisbon if that's ok'.

I'm really surprised by some of the responses on this thread tbh, making a big deal of it, as it didn't really have any impact on the others. My reaction would be 'great, glad you can come this time'

Perfect response.

The other replies on the thread don't surprise me as on MN no one answers the phone (or owes anyone their time to respond to messages), the door, or talks to neighbours or family members.

I wouldn’t apologize now. It’s a bit too late now!!

Can you speak to the one you know best about this - and I mean speak, not message? They might be able to give you a sense of how things stand with the group.

Overall, it shouldn’t be so difficult to apologise that you need guidance on what to say. If you’re not sure how to word your apology, then you may not know these people well enough to take a trip with them.

However, I think the best thing is to be open and direct. Say - you realise you let them down over the last trip and you’re sorry that you did so. Say you’d really like to join this trip and you are able to commit to it and would really appreciate it if they would let you join them.

In fact, @ErrolTheDragon has given you good words for this. That approach sounds good.

Best response. Also surprised at the responses, not going didn't affect the group and if I was in the group and knew you were moving then you would understand why you didn't. Try not to overthink it and send the message

This is work colleagues, not a bunch of school friends. I doubt they've given it much thought. If they're grownups the extent of it was probably:
'Oh, where's Karlaka?' (Colleague from same town ) 'She told me she couldn't make it after all'. 'Oh, shame, maybe another time'.

Don't overthink it, they would have dropped you from the whatsapp or created a new one if they didn't want you there. Just send a brief cheery message about sorry you didn't make it last time but would love to join on this occasion as life has calmed down a bit.

I don’t think last time it sounds like you actually let anyone down so I don’t see the need for an apology other than maybe an explanation like ‘ would have been great to come last time but I had a lot on and would love to join you all now’.

Its not like you didn’t tell anyone and just didn’t turn up - how big is the group?

Well i only told the colleague from my town. But I didn't reach out to the guy who offered me to stay at his place. So yeah. not a great move there...