Is it ok to ask if I can join the trip

[karlaka]

The company I work for is fully remote and my colleagues are spread across Europe. In March they were planning a trip to Rome and asked me if I wanted to come. I said yes. Some of us were meant to sleep at one of our colleague's place the rest was getting an Airbnb. The colleague offered me to stay at his place. Then I moved apartment and was busy with the move. So I told the group that I might not be able to make it. I then changed my mind and said I would come, but return back home earlier. Eventually, I decided the trip was getting too expensive, so I decided not to go. I let my colleague know who lives in the same town as I do. I never messaged the rest of the group (yes I feel bad about it).

Now they sent a message in the group talking about going to Lisbon in November. I'd be keen to join, but I'm not sure if it's appropriate to ask, after having ghosted them last time.

What do you guys think?

This happens all the time in my school mum group. I always organise the event about 20 say they'll go and only 15 actually attend. They generally just message me to apologise and say something has cropped up. It's not mentioned amongst those who do attend. I can't actually remember a time when somebody who has gone has asked after someone who wasn't present.
Don't feel guilty, don't apologise, just say you'll go. It's not a big deal at all.

I think you acted quite poorly last time especially to the guy that offered you his place to stay. Not even emailing him to let him know was very rude. Takes 2 seconds. You can’t blame a house move on that.

But I didn't reach out to the guy who offered me to stay at his place. So yeah. not a great move there...

You should apologise to him separately, not on the group chat.

But if I do it now, it would be super awkward no?

Ask them as @ErrolTheDragon had suggested. If I were from them team I would respond ok, glad you can come this time however to avoid further miscommunication, (here is implied you joining, dropping multiple times) you will book your own tickets and accommodation.

Basically I would reply you can come but I don't want to have anything to do with your planning/cost etc.

I would probably say:
hey guys, apologies for me dropping out last time and being the least communicative human on earth - I was moving house last minute. But would love to come this time 100%. What do you think?

But if I do it now, it would be super awkward no?

Yes, but that's the consequence of not doing it when you should have. It may be more awkward if you don't apologise before you see him on the Lisbon trip.

What are your thoughts on this apology:
hey guys, apologies for me dropping out last time and being the least communicative human on earth - I was moving house last minute. But would love to come this time 100%. What do you think?

you sound like an absolute nightmare!!! on off on off!!

This. I might amplify the apology slightly by saying ‘Sorry about dropping out the bad communication last time — the house move was absorbing my every waking hour. Would love to come to Lisbon.’

Would you apologise to the guy who offered to stay at his house separately though?

Hyperbolic tosh.

I would probably wonder if you would bail on this trip again but I would be open to giving you another chance.

But didn’t you apologise at the time?

No, that's the issue :( I feel really bad about it. I only told my colleague who lives in the same town as I do that I won't be able to make it

Yes, but I’d do that separately. Otherwise it makes it sound as if you’re only apologising now to wiggle back into the collective good books so as to be allowed to join the Lisbon trip.

Which, in fairness, does appear to be the only reason you’re apologising now, months later.

But if I apologise to him now separately, it also looks like I'm only apologising for that reason or?

I think you can always ask - but be prepared to be disappointed and to understand if your colleagues aren't keen .

Well, I think all you can do is try to sound sincere, say you felt awkward about contacting him after you flaked out of the trip, especially as he’d been kind enough to offer you accommodation, and it’s been on your mind since.

These are work colleagues, surely you've had communications with them over work matters since Rome? So hasn't it ever come up in conversation?

Why not drop Rome apartment guy a personal text or how ever you communicate, maybe say, the Lisbon plans are making me reflect on my poor communication last time, I just wanted to apologise for not being in touch about the accommodation, I'm very sorry.

Then go ahead and go to Lisbon and make friends.

This, exactly.

Then what are you apologising for? You let the organiser know, you said?

No, I let my coworker know who I know best because we live in the same city.

So you would apologise in one chat and simultaneously message the group, saying you'd be keen for Lisbon?

Apologise to the guy in Rome first. That may inform how you then proceed re Lisbon.