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Original poster

Engagement ring

54 replies

Amsooverthis · 22/08/2023 06:27

How 'normal' is it these days for a couple to shop together for a ring? My feeling is that many couples look together rather than it be a surprise.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 22/08/2023 06:30

We shopped together 30 years ago. I wasn’t trusting him with something I was going to be wearing !

Heyhoherewegoagain · 22/08/2023 06:31

DustyLee123 · 22/08/2023 06:30

We shopped together 30 years ago. I wasn’t trusting him with something I was going to be wearing !

Same here! Also 30 years ago

YouHoooo · 22/08/2023 06:32

I’d say it’s 50/50 with people I know.

Mindymomo · 22/08/2023 06:32

I got engaged over 40 years ago, we shopped together, my then bf wouldn’t have a clue what I would like. From the couples we know recently, only one man has got the ring before proposing, others got engaged then went to choose rings.

Pinkstuffs · 22/08/2023 06:37

My DH proposed to me with a family heirloom ring but it was about 8 sizes too big so we ended up going ring shopping together anyway!

Original poster
Amsooverthis · 22/08/2023 06:38

Thank you, we are planning to get engaged and my OH is doing a lot of research on rings, I do trust his taste but I also think I'd quite like to look together.

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Pancakebatter · 22/08/2023 06:41

No way I’d have been happy with OH choosing! We chose it together.

hulahoopqueen · 22/08/2023 06:45

Yep, we chose together! I'm very choosy about jewellery, and we knew we wanted to get married but he wanted the involvement of planning the proposal.
Best of both worlds for us!

nzborn · 22/08/2023 06:48

I let my partner know what I would like, a diamond solitaire which is what I got then he quietly quit the relationship and I had to ask him in couple counselling if we were still engaged and getting married, no was the reply.
What I am trying to say is that it is the love that's important not the ring.
I have a 4K ring that is as effective as glass and I now wear it on my " I'm not engaged any more finger " and you can guess what finger it is.

CreativeUsername1001 · 22/08/2023 06:53

We looked together for a few months to give him an idea as I wanted a very specific type of antique filigree ring. The actual design was moot to me, but the style and age was important. I had no idea that he’d gone back to buy one we’d looked at and he hid it for a few months in the house before he proposed.

Original poster
Amsooverthis · 22/08/2023 06:55

Yes, I'm not particularly fussy and infact it's him that has gone a bit into overdrive, but he's very much 'a planner'. He said he thought he should be doing it all because of convention, the 'tah, dah, and here's the ring I prepared earlier' moment but I have said many couples shop together ( even if it's to get an idea of taste) and he's happy with this

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Original poster
Amsooverthis · 22/08/2023 06:57

He'll then do the proposal 'tah, dah' at some point later, so to speak 😂

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ThisIsTrifficult · 22/08/2023 06:58

DH surprised me with mine. I'm not a ring wearer really but the one I DID wear at the time was vastly different.
He chose the most beautiful design and I love it still now 10 years on.

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 22/08/2023 06:58

We chose together. He didn't want to get something I didn't like!

sonflowers · 22/08/2023 06:59

I'd spent about a year sending him pictures of one's i liked before he proposed. He did pretty well on that basis.

Campervangirl · 22/08/2023 07:12

I hear ya!
It's all about the "moment", no real thought given by the soon to be df that you're the one that's got to wear it.
Exdp bought mine and did the tah dah moment, the ring was horrible (flame me if you wish)
It was cheap (I found the receipt), looked cheap and just not my style.
A solitaire so tiny that you practically needed a magnifying glass to see the stone, I know I sound ungrateful and grabby but I'm really not.
The setting was built up to make the stone look bigger, it looked lost on my hand.
I really hate to say it but I was embarrassed when people excitedly asked to see my ring and then had to put their glasses on.
The tah dah moment was on holiday in Greece on my bday which coincided with the world cup, ex got plastered and was laying on the bed after vomiting and pulled it out and said that's for you then fell asleep 😬
Complete disaster, I was actually glad when I lost the ring, it fell off as it wasn't my size.

Original poster
Amsooverthis · 22/08/2023 07:19

😂😂 Oh no, I have no concerns about the moment, though your post made me laugh. I'm more bothered that he seems to be spending hours and hours looking - he sent me a link to 'band styles' - I didn't even know that was such a thing. He's very invested in the whole process. I think it will be 2 carat, my fingers are small so anything bigger would be too much.

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IhearyouClemFandango · 22/08/2023 07:20

We got engaged 15 years ago now, and it was a complete surprise along with the ring. Luckily he chose very well 😂

Hungryfrogs23 · 22/08/2023 07:24

Of my friends who got engaged recently, some shopped together or alternatively, 2 couples I know the man proposed with a cheap argos "dummy ring", then they went shopping together for the real one. I don't know anyone for whom it was a total 'ta da' with no prior hinting or sending of lots of photos of rings they like!!

Orlandobaby · 22/08/2023 07:31

My DH said he didn’t want to deprive me of the shopping trip of a lifetime, so proposed with a plain silver band and then took me to a jewellers. He’d spoken to them in advance and given them a budget, so we got to choose together. I still love my ring 17 years on. Good luck!

RuthW · 22/08/2023 07:37

We shopped together in 1986. I'd say that was normal.

Original poster
Amsooverthis · 22/08/2023 07:39

Thank you everyone. Now he's done a lot of the ground work, band styles and carats, I'll jump on board and do the hard work of ummming and ahhing over a few rings 😂

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Zanatdy · 22/08/2023 07:42

Very common these days. My friend and her partner chose their ring together, but he hadn’t actually proposed as such, it was all a bit of a discussion around getting married. She told him that he had to actually propose though once the ring was ready, and it was a bit meh as he just asked her watching TV one night when he asked her, he just wanted to get it done. He’s not one for big romantic gestures, my friend said he has no feelings and some of the stuff she’s told me, I agree with her! She still hasn’t married him, 14yrs on! I can’t say I blame her really, I don’t think she actually wants to marry him as her mum is very unwell and if she was going to marry him she would have done it by now. I’d rather have a proper proposal and a ring I might not like 100% than that!

Original poster
Amsooverthis · 22/08/2023 08:00

Oh I know it will be followed by a 'proper' proposal, he's already on to planning that 😂. I have said a few things about that to be fair, nothing very public - down on one knee in a crowded place, no sudden violins appearing, no sky diving.... It sounds like a lot of what not to do, but I am relatively understated and would just like something relatively simple. He totally gets me so I'm not worried about that.

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FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 22/08/2023 08:00

I picked it. Even when I was very clear about what I wanted, they still tried to sell me something different. I imagine my husband would have found it really difficult!