Where do I find men with a low sex drive?

[Kat19899]

Where/how do I find men with a low sex drive? I feel like these men must feel pressure to hide it, but they must be out there?

Background:
I have a low sex drive from medication that I can’t stop taking. I’m 30 and no menopause symptoms. I don’t really want to go on the pill because I’ve had horrible side effects. So I don’t think there are many options for me

I’m sick of feeling like I can’t simply exist without turning someone on. In my last relationship and with the last guy I dated for a few months I just felt so pestered which turned me off even more. It’s horrible to feel anxious and small, told you’re teasing someone when minding your own business, having someone’s hand on your crotch or yours put in their pants when you don’t want that. Things like that.

I’m fed up of it. Sick of feeling like there’s something wrong with me and trying to force myself to feel things (obviously doesn’t work) when it’s just a difference in needs. I want to be accepted as I am.

My ex suggested sex the day after I had a parental bereavement so you can imagine how the grief period was for me (should have ended it on the spot). I actually suggested an open relationship but he didn’t want to sleep with other people. I’ve been poly in the past but that’s not what I want for the future, I want to settle down tbh. The only people that I’ve dated recently who didn’t pester me were very open about their depression.

My friend suggested places like Feeld or Fetlife where you can list what you like (and apparently asexual people use them). It seems counter-intuitive to look on sex-based sites but is this the only option? Where are all the men who don’t want to have sex with me??? 😂

Sounds like you're looking for companionship, not a relationship?

I would look more on friendship sites/meet up sort of thing rather than a dating/sex site. Make it very clear that you aren't looking for a sexual relationship and you should be fine.

Feeld or fetlife is an ok place to start

filter like mad though
but it’s also a chance to talk about it with people as Feeld whilst kinky is friendly overall

make the post funny and brutally honest

they exist ! Many do
it’s just finding one x

I’m not asexual so I do want a sexual relationship. But I want to have sex maximum once a week and not be constantly pestered

Older guys with some erectile dysfunction?

But I am, I just only want sex maybe 3 times a month. But I guess at least in a companionship relationship I wouldn’t get harassed

Thank you, this is really encouraging. I think I should be honest from the outset but I worried it would scare people off (although that’s actually probably a good thing at this point!)

I feel you op. My dh is 59 and I'm 50, his sex drive has definitely reduced with age, we have sex now one a fortnight which is perfect for me. I still fancy him, but sex just isn't import to me, we are quite tactile, loving and can be romantic without having sex.

I already have several 😆. Are men really all like this and will pester you if you only want to do it like every 10 days?

For most married couples with kids, the man would jump for joy to have sex as much as once a week 🤣

Why, can she have sex with her cats once a week?

This sounds perfect! I love being tactile and touch is my love language but like you say sex just isn’t very important. Perhaps I should look for older men

🤣 so true

Wanting once a fortnight isn't asexual or a kink. But it's true it would be unusual early in a relationship for some people.

So yes, I wouldn't rule out older men and I'd be very clear about what you are looking for.

Tbh I am very keen on sex but your ex would have totally turned me off.

This is what’s so confusing, I don’t feel like 3 times a month is really all that low and definitely not asexual. But it’s all the pestering in between. On a recent date we hadn’t had sex for a week and I had stomach pain so told the guy I wasn’t in the mood but he was running his hands over me, touching my boobs, telling me I was making him crazy. I was just on the sofa rubbing my stomach

To be honest, your sex drive isn't drastically low imo, low end of normal I'd say... Does sound like you've had some inconsiderate arseholes for partners though. Grabbing your crotch, shoving their hands down your pants, wanting sex a day after bereavement.
I don't think you need to seek particularly low sex drive men(though probably best avoiding really high drive guys), I think you need someone really on your wavelength intellectually/emotionally whose basic approach to life is respect for others. If someone really 'gets' you and is genuinely respectful by nature you'll enjoy being together and the frequency of sex won't loom as such a massive issue because you'll be connected with as a person not just a sex object.

Ha, cross post!

I think it’s the individual guys you’ve met that have the issue here. Once a week or fortnight is fairly normal imo!

Your ex sounds like a general nob

Honestly I would just something in your profile about the fact you are looking for a committed relationship, you are warm amd affectionate, but physically you are a once a week not a once a day girl (quality not quantity) and looking for the same.

I don’t see why you can’t do that on a mainstream site, and while I think there are fewer young men with low sex drives than women, they certainly do exist. Plus as PPs say, once you have young kids that’s not half bad

I wouldn’t actively go looking for older men, big age gaps in relationships come with problems and they aren’t something to seek out

Dating is always a numbers game, but be upfront and I think you’ll be fine

Well not early in a relationship - it’s not asexual but it is low. The OP just needs to be clear from the start.

Are you willing to sleep naked with a man and be cosy and tactile or willing to 'help' him to orgasm?

Compared to some people, this is not that low. I'd still say you are in the realm of average. The issue you have is that you haven't found someone yet that you gel with sexually. If you did find them, you wouldn't feel pawed at. It would feel easy, natural, sexy and flirty, not someone breathing down your neck all the time.

Yes, happy to do all of that. I’m a very tactile person, enjoy cuddling, spooning and all types of non-sexual touch. Unfortunately it seems like non-sexual touch turns people on. I’m also happy to give frequent handjobs but just sometimes don’t want to be touched below the waist myself.

It seems like maybe I am just dating an insatiable bunch of guys. I offered frequent handjobs to my ex but he wasn’t happy with that and said it was one sided because I wasn’t receiving anything (kind of the point)

Yes maybe you’re right! I guess I feel like if I haven’t found it in my thirties then there must be something wrong with me. Someone breathing down my neck is exactly how I feel, like the fear that this nice situation/cuddle/whatever will turn into touching when I’m not horny at all, then there will be rejection and resentment