Page 2 | Where do I find men with a low sex drive?

Kat19899 · 2023-08-20T09:11:53+00:00

Where/how do I find men with a low sex drive? I feel like these men must feel pressure to hide it, but they must be out there? Background: I have a low sex drive from medication that I can’t stop taking. I’m 30 and no menopause symptoms. I don’t really want to go on the pill because I’ve had horrible side effects. So I don’t think there are many options for me I’m sick of feeling like I can’t simply exist without turning someone on. In my last relationship and with the last guy I dated for a few months I just felt so pestered which turned me off even more. It’s horrible to feel anxious and small, told you’re teasing someone when minding your own business, having someone’s hand on your crotch or yours put in their pants when you don’t want that. Things like that. I’m fed up of it. Sick of feeling like there’s something wrong with me and trying to force myself to feel things (obviously doesn’t work) when it’s just a difference in needs. I want to be accepted as I am. My ex suggested sex the day after I had a parental bereavement so you can imagine how the grief period was for me (should have ended it on the spot). I actually suggested an open relationship but he didn’t want to sleep with other people. I’ve been poly in the past but that’s not what I want for the future, I want to settle down tbh. The only people that I’ve dated recently who didn’t pester me were very open about their depression. My friend suggested places like Feeld or Fetlife where you can list what you like (and apparently asexual people use them). It seems counter-intuitive to look on sex-based sites but is this the only option? Where are all the men who don’t want to have sex with me??? 😂

Roselee1 · 20/08/2023 11:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

janicewithpictures · 20/08/2023 11:14

You will make some man very happy.
Make the search fun and enjoy it.

Original poster

Kat19899 · 20/08/2023 11:19

janicewithpictures · 20/08/2023 11:14

You will make some man very happy.
Make the search fun and enjoy it.

This is really lovely ❤️ thank you

OP posts:

Bbq1 · 20/08/2023 11:23

Problem is Op that you could well settle into a relationship with sex once a week but that won't happen at the beginning of a relationship and maybe not for a number of years into it . It's extremely unusual to begin a relationship from that level as most people naturally have sex a lot at the beginning of a relationship. It's normal, natural and human biology too. However, it's also unusual to feel "pawed at" at by a new partner. It's usually a mutual level of attraction. So yes, you can have the level of sex you want in time but I think you msy struggle to find a man who doesn't initially want it a lot more than weekly. I'm not joking when i say, would a ld rely suit you?

Bbq1 · 20/08/2023 11:24

Rely = relationship

BertieBotts · 20/08/2023 11:24

You just need someone who respects your boundaries and doesn't act like a gross pestering teenager!

I do know what you mean because some of my exes have been like this also. But DH is not. I can sometimes go weeks between feeling like it and no pestering.

I think you need to be more picky about men and maybe just say upfront that you have a low sex drive to weed out any sex pests from the start?

EarthSight · 20/08/2023 11:32

When it's right, not every intimate interaction turns full-on sexual, nor do sensual ones. You could share a playful kiss in the kitchen, a quick feel, a giggle, and then you go about whatever you were doing. People shouldn't really initiate when the atmosphere is bad or when another person is ill.

Screamingabdabz · 20/08/2023 11:33

Jeez some of the replies on here 🙄 she’s not a crazy cat lady or hurting men by only wanting sex once a week! I’d class that as rampant in our household, certainly not a low sex drive.

I think what you’re looking for op, is a decent respectful man whose brain isn’t in his pants. They do exist but clearly not in the lives of some of posters on here who exist solely to service their sex pest partners. Being groped and touched in an unwanted way constantly is not a sign of man who has a healthy attitude toward women.

Original poster

Kat19899 · 20/08/2023 11:58

Bbq1 · 20/08/2023 11:23

Problem is Op that you could well settle into a relationship with sex once a week but that won't happen at the beginning of a relationship and maybe not for a number of years into it . It's extremely unusual to begin a relationship from that level as most people naturally have sex a lot at the beginning of a relationship. It's normal, natural and human biology too. However, it's also unusual to feel "pawed at" at by a new partner. It's usually a mutual level of attraction. So yes, you can have the level of sex you want in time but I think you msy struggle to find a man who doesn't initially want it a lot more than weekly. I'm not joking when i say, would a ld rely suit you?

Yes you’re right. I think it’s been difficult to find a balance because I do feel a bit more attraction at the start but the pawing behaviour makes me feel the opposite of how people intend it. I don’t think long distance would suit me because I’m very cuddly and enjoy spending lots of time with a partner. However I’ve been single for a year and I’m finding right now that I don’t really miss it and I enjoy sleeping alone, so might be something for me to think about

OP posts:

GrannyGoggins · 20/08/2023 12:01

Hi OP

There are men out there that have a low sex drive. I also have a low one due to medication. I don't think me and DH have had sex for a year and a half or so but we still love each other dearly and have so much fun together.

liveforsummer · 20/08/2023 12:09

I don't know the answer op. I don't even have a low sex drive but the pestering certainly causes one. My last partner thought that pestering for sex when I'd just found out late at night that my 8 year old dd had been injured at her dads and had to go under general anaesthetic early in the am to repair it was doing me a favour 'to help me sleep' and he was one of the lesser pests I've come across. They all seem to be like it now, I've given up tbh. Maybe they are all single as everyone else for sick of it too!

BigButtons · 20/08/2023 12:29

I’ve never had a partner with a high sex drive . Not helpful- would love to know what it felt like to have someone who wanted sex a few times a week.

TippledPink · 20/08/2023 12:34

Not at all! My husband doesn't pester me for sex ever. We do it maybe 3 times a month? That's enough for me! I'm. 38 and he is 54. Sex Just isn't a thing for him, he enjoys it but doesn't think about it all the time. He went 8 years without sex when with his ex wife! There are men out there.

Original poster

Kat19899 · 20/08/2023 13:03

liveforsummer · 20/08/2023 12:09

I don't know the answer op. I don't even have a low sex drive but the pestering certainly causes one. My last partner thought that pestering for sex when I'd just found out late at night that my 8 year old dd had been injured at her dads and had to go under general anaesthetic early in the am to repair it was doing me a favour 'to help me sleep' and he was one of the lesser pests I've come across. They all seem to be like it now, I've given up tbh. Maybe they are all single as everyone else for sick of it too!

I’m so sorry you had to deal with that from your ex and I hope your dd is ok. I don’t understand how people can be so focused on their desires that real life goes completely out of their head

OP posts:

Original poster

Kat19899 · 20/08/2023 13:06

TippledPink · 20/08/2023 12:34

Not at all! My husband doesn't pester me for sex ever. We do it maybe 3 times a month? That's enough for me! I'm. 38 and he is 54. Sex Just isn't a thing for him, he enjoys it but doesn't think about it all the time. He went 8 years without sex when with his ex wife! There are men out there.

Wow, eight years really is a long time! Was frequency something you talked about when you met or did you just naturally find that you were compatible?

OP posts:

NP101 · 20/08/2023 13:24

That level of sex sounds ideal to me so we do exist! I totally get the frustration of not being able to cuddle etc due to the fear of it leading to more when you don't want that.

Riapia · 20/08/2023 13:31

When you say you would be happy with sex once a week, surely you don’t mean every week?
😉😁😁😁

AllSoComplicated · 20/08/2023 13:44

I'm in my late forties. I was married to a man who pestered me for sex. He was controlling and abusive in other ways too. He used to call me a nun and told me I needed fixing...frigid...etc. Utter charmer. Unsurprisingly, I did not ever want sex with him after a while. He would grab me and paw at me, made comments about owning my body.

I had pretty normal interest in sex before him. A long distance relationship which meant periods of very little sex. At one point, a fwb but not regular. So I guess quite sporadic. All of that was early 20s. Relationship with exh started late twenties and marriage ended when I was 40.

I didn't see anyone for several years after my awful marriage. Then I met someone and he did not initiate. It took months of gradual relationship building but then eventually we fell for each other and omg, did I want it. Just loads. Was madly in love and I wanted it far more than he did. But I never pestered him! I was respectful of what he wanted and the pace he was comfortable with. It very sadly didn't last, but I still miss him and the sex we had though wish there had been more.

So from my experience, I would say sex drive is very subjective. It's about who you're with and how they make you feel. You might have no sex drive with men who are these gross sex pests.... But that is understandable. Your issue isn't about finding a man who had a low sex drive. You need to find a man who respects you and you want to have great sex with.

Tldr... There is nothing wrong with you !

supercali77 · 20/08/2023 13:49

Ideally finding someone with the same sex drive is better but actually a large part of this is the men involved not reading alllll the signs of disinterest and firing straight in.

MaxTalk · 20/08/2023 13:55

An affair with a married man

Mari9999 · 20/08/2023 13:57

@OP, I would imagine if you a brutally honest up front, your prospective partners will opt out if they are not interested .

Oneweektogo2023 · 20/08/2023 13:58

I’ve never been with men that act like this I think you need to screen them better from the outset. Sounds like you’ve dated complete sex pests.

JacobKrisMyLoadAndXavier · 20/08/2023 14:03

Would a man really bother splitting his money and assets with a woman who he has no kids with and hardly has sex with just to sit and chat in the few hours after work? I think men are more invested in relationships because of sex. I can't see a low libido straight man wanting a full time live in relationship so maybe a man who lives further away to meet once a week or every 2 weeks.

Original poster

Kat19899 · 20/08/2023 14:03

Riapia · 20/08/2023 13:31

When you say you would be happy with sex once a week, surely you don’t mean every week?
😉😁😁😁

Once a week every six months 😆. I mean maximum once a week, so every 10 or 14 days would be better. But after being single for a year sometimes I don’t even think about it for weeks

OP posts:

Original poster

Kat19899 · 20/08/2023 14:10

JacobKrisMyLoadAndXavier · 20/08/2023 14:03

Would a man really bother splitting his money and assets with a woman who he has no kids with and hardly has sex with just to sit and chat in the few hours after work? I think men are more invested in relationships because of sex. I can't see a low libido straight man wanting a full time live in relationship so maybe a man who lives further away to meet once a week or every 2 weeks.

In all of my relationships I’ve been the one with money and assets. I guess why would I bother splitting that or having kids with a guy who doesn’t want to chat with me or have non-sexual intimacy after work? I do want kids but that’s a sex problem for another day 😆. I don’t know where these post-work chat men are but they must exist. I only need one 😆

OP posts: