Where do I find men with a low sex drive?

[Kat19899]

Where/how do I find men with a low sex drive? I feel like these men must feel pressure to hide it, but they must be out there?

Background:
I have a low sex drive from medication that I can’t stop taking. I’m 30 and no menopause symptoms. I don’t really want to go on the pill because I’ve had horrible side effects. So I don’t think there are many options for me

I’m sick of feeling like I can’t simply exist without turning someone on. In my last relationship and with the last guy I dated for a few months I just felt so pestered which turned me off even more. It’s horrible to feel anxious and small, told you’re teasing someone when minding your own business, having someone’s hand on your crotch or yours put in their pants when you don’t want that. Things like that.

I’m fed up of it. Sick of feeling like there’s something wrong with me and trying to force myself to feel things (obviously doesn’t work) when it’s just a difference in needs. I want to be accepted as I am.

My ex suggested sex the day after I had a parental bereavement so you can imagine how the grief period was for me (should have ended it on the spot). I actually suggested an open relationship but he didn’t want to sleep with other people. I’ve been poly in the past but that’s not what I want for the future, I want to settle down tbh. The only people that I’ve dated recently who didn’t pester me were very open about their depression.

My friend suggested places like Feeld or Fetlife where you can list what you like (and apparently asexual people use them). It seems counter-intuitive to look on sex-based sites but is this the only option? Where are all the men who don’t want to have sex with me??? 😂

It feels like it sometimes ☹️. How do I screen them out, just break it off at the first signs of pestering? Perhaps I should create a multiple choice quiz for before I meet them to weed out the gropers and sulkers

I think you’re being unreasonable - not for wanting a sexless relationship in the future but for being critical of your past relationships where it’s completely reasonable to desire sex.
Did you tell your previous partners how you felt before beginning the relationships?
For goodness sake, these are partners who were young - presumably in their 20’s!

I think you do just need to lay your cards on the table from the start.

I'm a woman and in the early days with a new person I can want sex a few times a day, but it's just the initial flushes of excitement - that's fairly average among my friends. Once settled I'd say once or twice a week is ideal - I don't have a particularly high libido. I guess what I'm saying is it's more common that during early dating men will want to be touching you all the time. It's possible to have an average libido generally but to be swept away in the excitement of a new partner. Doesn't make them obsessed with sex, or unreasonable (although the one who touched you after a bereavement can absolutely take a long walk off a short pier). It's possible to settle into that once a week groove but you can't just time travel to it.

Your low libido isn't abnormal or wrong but it would be unreasonable to enter into another relationship with someone who has an average/high libido then complain about it

Perhaps you just need to make it clear early on that you have a low sex drive?

After a messy divorce, exh made very noisy threats. I was befriended by a woman. Together for 6 months or so but she became controlling so it ended. Now have a a loving and quiet lady lives with me. Calm and peaceful but ever so sensual.
Not for you?

Women and men want different things out of a relationship.

I was going to say - at 'once a week', I don't think that the OP needs to look for men with a 'low sex drive' but I think that could be somewhat age dependent.

The obituaries

I would have said OP is looking for an asexual partner, not a companion?
Asexuality is an accepted sexuality. Would you tell a gay man he just wants a friend?

And without kids... I wish I was that lucky.

It's a minefield though. Many men see it as a challenge. The "oh she just hasn't had it good before" sort of attitude.

My experience of dating post divorce is that the following men will have a low sex drive:

Those with depression and taking medication. This is probably the number one thing to kill a sex drive in my experience.

As a general rule, the older, the lower the sex drive but this isn’t always the case.

Heavy drinker/smoker more likely to have erectile dysfunction.

I try to avoid the above but they could be of use to you.

We never discussed it, when we first met we probably did it more regularly, as we were in that beginning phase and it was amazing! But we naturally fell into less frequency as life took over. We notice if we haven't done it for a while as we start to feel distant and one of us will say and we then make the effort. It is rarely spontaneous, but I guess we have teenagers in the house and busy lives!