Dating reluctant men

[Bluemaid3]

Could someone explain to me why men are behaving so weirdly when dating through apps?

I've been on an app for a few months, and I've got 500+ likes, but it's really difficult to get a date and actually meet in real life! I've had everything, from the one who texts me with kisses every morning and night, but is too afraid to meet (going on 3 months now), to the one who agreed a date and then disappeared from the app without explanation, to the one who cancelled the date and unmatched because we didn't agree on where to meet early enough (?), to one who was very promising, we had 3 classic dates which went well, but he only dared to kiss me on the third and since then we have texted sweet things, but he never suggests a date and is always too busy when I ask about it, so now we haven't seen for over a month... The only one who actually dated 'normally' and was keen to see me, seemed to be mainly in it for sex, and possibly money, since he was always broke and started asking me to pay for things (and I'm not well-paid!). But I haven’t even heard back from him since I got back from holiday... Now I have a new match who also seems not to be that interested, didn't even ask me how I was last time, let alone asking me out!

Why do they seem so uninterested to actually see me? I'm in my early 40s, healthy, nice-looking, normal weight/slim, fairly active, sex positive, quite intelligent, well-educated, have my own interests, only one teenage child part-time, and I own my own flat. I'm not fussed about their age, so anything up to 60 is fine by me. I would have thought I was quite a catch but apparently not?

That's what I mean, men need to stop liking women they wouldn't actually want to go out with! The whole match-making thing is based on the swipes/likes, what's the point of swiping right people you don't want to get to know?

If I ask about meeting he'll say let me think about it, and then never gets back. He's done that a few times. I think he's too shy. He does sound lonely.

The answer to this and the central question of the thread is: Married/catfish/obese/unemployed/ill.

. @Bluemaid3 If I ask about meeting he'll say let me think about it, and then never gets back.

A guy who states “he needs to think about meeting me” gets unmatched right away because it’s obvious he’s looking for a pen pal. why do you keep entertaining him? I think you need to set that bar higher OP

@Bluemaid3 The dodgy ones will go younger, plenty who go for their own age.

Just because someone likes your profile it doesn’t mean they are going to actually like you !

I always think if something is free it’s a free for all. Time wasters and knobs. However if men and women are paying for something they are likely to be far more serious. Two friends met their husbands through dating agencies. I know they can be expensive but if it does the job…

@Bluemaid3 That's what I mean, men need to stop liking women they wouldn't actually want to go out with! The whole match-making thing is based on the swipes/likes, what's the point of swiping right people you don't want to get to know?

That’s a bit naive mentality OP (with all my due respects), just because some guy looks good on a headshot doesn’t mean I like him, it only means “he’s good looking in that picture” which means nothing. The same criteria applies to men swiping left, plus these guys don’t read women’s profile, they just look at the picture. I’ve had plenty of guys matching me then once I message them and they get to read my profile they will unmatch
me (Not that there’s anything wrong with that). “Liking” someone on tinder means nothing.

Interesting Tracker1234 I heard mixed things about dating agencies. Which one(s) did your friends use?

@Sandra1984 @myNewName21 Obviously that may happen, but you should at least read the profile, and look at all the photos, and not just blanket like everyone, and then you might have a better chance of matching someone sensible. Ultimately you can never know until you meet someone. I blanket dislike everyone, unless I like all their photos and the whole profile. If there's one thing wrong in the bio (smoker/married/wants kids/Gemini), that goes left... otherwise the whole system doesn't work.

OP, you just need to raise your bar and stop entertaining losers and time wasters.

There are plenty of great men on OLD. Be discerning, be very clear what you're looking for, and ruthlessly discard any that don't fit your criteria.

Stop trying to control other people ("they should do this and that") and work on yourself. You haven't had good boundaries with any of the men you described so far, so work on that. E.g. don't keep trying to make a date with someone who says they'll think about it! Why would you keep pursuing a man who isn't keen? Stop investing in men who aren't investing in you.

And don't take it all so personally. It's a game. You need a strategy and a thick skin.

Sara Eden I believe. I also personally joined Dinner Dates. No idea whether they are still around but you get the idea. Whilst I didn’t meet anyone it was a nice idea. Meet in a city centre restaurant and sit next to two men either side then swap around after main course. They had equal number of men and women and sorted by age. There were hosts who kept things going.

Hosts call you next day and ask whether you want to meet anyone and you can swap numbers and then arrange date privately. I was far too fussy in those days but would definitely do something like that again if I was out there