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Original poster

An old friend from uni just got in contact with me from 20 years back and is saying risky things, what’s he doing?

84 replies

Whydothat1 · 18/08/2023 13:21

I haven’t spoken to him in 20 years. We shared a flat at uni and one night I remember having a cuddle and bit of a grope lol.

He has separated from him wide and has basically asked me how my sex life is and whether my partner gives me the attention I need. Then he asked if I remember the grope and if I would have wanted it to go further.

I’ve not spoken in 20 years what’s he playing at? That was a lifetime ago!

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 19/08/2023 09:58

I agree that it happens all the time.

I had a similar message from an old university friend a couple of years ago. Bit surprised as he was engaged to an absolutely beautiful woman. Like a better looking Liz Hurley (that's who sue reminded of anyway). Checked his profile - bingo - they'd just broken off the engagement and split up.

It's a bit like when you've split up with someone and their friends, who've never contacted you before, message at 2am (when their wives/partners are asleep) to tell you they always thought their friend was 'punching' with you; they always thought you could do better and how they often 'thought' of you...

Men can be so tiresome...

He has no respect for you. So just block him.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 19/08/2023 10:07

This isn’t about you and your situation, it’s about him and his situation (dumped and horny).

And desperate, if he's contacting someone from 20 years ago.

Original poster
Whydothat1 · 19/08/2023 10:43

I was honestly really surprised as I looked as his profile and saw married and a little boy. When he was at uni he did not come across sleazy but then that was ages ago. It’s my first experience lol!

OP posts:
KleineDracheKokosnuss · 19/08/2023 10:51

“Sorry mate, I’m unsubscribing from this conversation. Go look at tinder. Or only fans if you can’t get a date. But don’t contact me again. I don’t need to participate in your midlife crisis.”

then block.

ElizaWinter · 19/08/2023 10:53

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 19/08/2023 10:51

“Sorry mate, I’m unsubscribing from this conversation. Go look at tinder. Or only fans if you can’t get a date. But don’t contact me again. I don’t need to participate in your midlife crisis.”

then block.

Yes this ⬆️

BadBadDecisions · 19/08/2023 10:58

What is wrong with men?

If I find myself single I'll have a wank and go to the pub to see if there's anyone worth talking to.

Not hit up people I haven't seen for decades and about whom I know less than nothing.

Such a lack of imagination.

Original poster
Whydothat1 · 19/08/2023 10:59

Horny men are gross. I mean to start to talk dirty with a women who’s sat with her baby who won’t sleep in the night with a partner who she’s said she is happy with. Urghhhh

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 19/08/2023 11:02

Some men are gross, he’s hitting you up for an ego boost. You live far apart so he’s probably thinking he can have some over messages. He’s not bothered about you just having a baby.
This happened to me when my baby was 4 months old. An old friend added me online and I didn’t think anything of it. He seen I was online at 4am and started chatting. Even though I said I was awake due to the baby he still got flirty and asked for some fun, he was swiftly blocked .

Great you’ve shown your partner the messages, I’d just delete the guy now and probably block him.

SiobhanSharpe · 19/08/2023 11:05

That's easy. He wants a shag, my dear.
if you're not interested block his pathetic arse and don't give him another thought.

thatsn0tmyname · 19/08/2023 11:06

Ugh, he's probably trying it on with all his old flames, looking for a shag to massage his ego. Avoid.

Original poster
Whydothat1 · 19/08/2023 11:06

Yeah I wouldn’t hide anything from him, he’s easy going and had a laugh @Hiddenvoice. I’m happy and I’d not risk anything for some idiot.

OP posts:
JibbaJab · 19/08/2023 11:10

May not be but narcs often cycle exes and time means absolutely nothing to them, they just cycle through them. Hoover.

monsteramunch · 19/08/2023 11:40

Did you reply telling him to leave you alone OP?

BMW6 · 19/08/2023 11:40

Just tell him he's a sleazy sad twat and suggest he sits on his hand until it goes numb so it feels like another person is wanking him off.

That's what other sad lonely wankers do. He can join their club.

Then tell him to Fuck Off

strawberry2017 · 19/08/2023 12:05

If it was me I would block him and tell my partner what happened so it could never be used against me by the other party.

Original poster
Whydothat1 · 19/08/2023 12:06

Haha @BMW6 never heard of that b4 lol.

@JibbaJab I think he may be a narc. He told me one of his girlfriends was. He told me that I could tell him anything…..hahahah I don’t fall for them again, been there got the t-shirt!

OP posts:
JibbaJab · 19/08/2023 12:23

Whydothat1 · 19/08/2023 12:06

Haha @BMW6 never heard of that b4 lol.

@JibbaJab I think he may be a narc. He told me one of his girlfriends was. He told me that I could tell him anything…..hahahah I don’t fall for them again, been there got the t-shirt!

Mine did the same, randomly contacted one from 20 years ago and picked up like nothing ever happened that was before we separated.

Yeah no thanks one round is one too many!

QueenBitch666 · 19/08/2023 13:21

Any hole is a goal 🙄
Just tell him to fuck off

AgentJohnson · 19/08/2023 15:44

think he may be a narc

Grrrrrrr. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a thing and I never get the MN obsession with labelling every opportunistic fucker as a narcissist.

Ilovelurchers · 19/08/2023 16:28

In honesty nothing particularly "disgusting" has happened here.

This bloke obviously remembers you as somebody he fancies. All this "any hole's a goal" stuff people are saying to you is designed to insult you and put you down if you dared feel flattered by it for a second....

Nobody can know that he purely views you as a piece of meat. It is possible for him to like you (or what he remembers of you anyway) and ALSO see you as someone who he would like to have sex with. In the real world this does happen - we can like people and at the same time desire casual sex with them.

You are even allowed to feel flattered by it if you like, you know! In the real world sometimes people find it flattering when someone finds them attractive, even if they don't reciprocate. Wouldn't make you aberrant. Fairly normal human response.

You aren't interested so all you need to do is tell him this, and/or block him, depended how offended you are by it.

But you are both adults. He has tried it on, you are not interested. Nobody needs to be degraded by this - it's not "perverted" behaviour. It's just somebody making a sexual approach that isn't reciprocated.

Both men and women do it. As long as they immediately back off when the person shows they aren't interested, it's ok.

FoodCentre · 19/08/2023 16:49

He's clearly not interested in op for anything but sex...

Probably all of us here have been in this position. A man who is recently single or needs an ego boost hits up a so-called ""friend"" or old gf/date for sex.

How anyone can be flattered by someone who's almost certainly sent the same initial text to 5 other women hoping one is foolish enough to fall for it, I do not know.

Someone calling you beautiful on the street is flattering. Someone texting you (sounding like he's 16) hoping for sex and nothing more is not

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 19/08/2023 16:54

Come on, @FoodCentre it's male attention. Of course it's flattering. OP ought to be prostrating herself with gratitude that he's remembered her. 🙄

He has separated from him wide and has basically asked me how my sex life is and whether my partner gives me the attention I need. Then he asked if I remember the grope and if I would have wanted it to go further

Nope, not treating her as a piece of meat at all. Nor even 'hi, how are you, long time no speak, how's your life been?' just 'you up for it?' but that's flattering, apparently.

Some people couldn't limbo under their bar for male behaviour.

luckylavender · 19/08/2023 17:14

Whydothat1 · 18/08/2023 13:26

I got talking but now I want out of the conversation. I’m happy in a relationship.

Just tell him that

Original poster
Whydothat1 · 19/08/2023 17:14

He actually asked if my partner saw me as more then a mum now and whether he saw me as a sexy women…so cringe.

OP posts:
thisisyourwife · 19/08/2023 17:20

OP this is typical behaviour from men at this age, they are suddenly single 40ish and thinking back to all the women they hope might still shag them or wish they had shagged back in the day and so he is casting is net far and wide hoping for a bite. He'll also be on apps and potentially other seedy sites. He will probably be thinking that now is the time he can have some fun and hopes to sleep with lots of women with the thought that if someone hot and young enough comes along he might take them more seriously, but these men typically do not want women their own age / same age as their wife especially not when he's the sort sniffing around looking to get his dick wet.

These men often string women along, let them think the relationship might be going somewhere when he is just looking to have some fun and at this point would only settle for the 32 year old he imagines he is is due. He then may or may not wise up in his 50's but even then he will still aim at women younger than himself. Hell he might even end up back with his poor wife.

At this point you need to block him and lock your profile down so these men cannot contact you, if they do ignore and block them. You haven't seen him in 20 years what is the point of getting reacquainted now?

If I had a pound for every newly single guy from the past that had come creeping out of the dark with his dick in his hand to me or my female friends I'd have, well a lot of pounds!

Just block and ignore him he only cares about his dick, not you.