New Man travelling and away from home - deal breaker?

[Wanderingtraveller]

Im 49, met DP, 55 about 8 months ago through friends.

Things have been going well and he has been very loving and attentive and let me know from the start that it was his plan to retire by the end of this year. He has now communicated this to his employer and will he retiring in 3 months.

Despite his age he does lots of ‘off the beaten track’ travel - Everest Base camp hiking, skiing in Argentina etc. He has planned this for years, has no kids and a retirement pot that I could only dream of!!

Things have been going really well, he has supported me through a family illness, and we have been talking about the future ie that we both see that there could be a future for us.

I know he wanted to travel on retiring but its now becoming clear that he is planning to be away for 2 weeks of every month for the forseeable future, he will both the finances, the time and friends scattered all over the world. This is in line with a 2 year ‘mid career’ Gap year he did with his now ex-wife.

He has had a couple of preplanned break’s recently and Ive missed him when he has been away and wondering how we can nurture a relatively new relationship in this way.

would this be a dealbreaker for you?

It wouldn’t be for me but I love having time by myself. Has he indicated that he’d like to go on a trip with you as well somewhere?

I guess it just depends if you would feel happy with it

No. He has planned this for years, and you knew it going in. Depends what you want in a partner, but it would suit me perfectly.

Yes we do actually have 2 holidays planned before Xmas and we have been on a short break too. I dont doubt that we would have more holidays together but the 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off dymanic is a bit unsettling.

The locations he has visited eg Sahara (!) have been very remote so its not always been possible to speak or even text.

I do like him very much but know that this was the reason this has last partner split up with him - he only had 28 days annual leave then, now he will be permanently off work!!
Things feel difficult but also slightly bittersweet as its always so nice to see him when he returns

@readbooksdrinktea Thanks for this, its good to hear the other perspective too. Would this not bother you as you have a full life, interests, family etc?

I can see how it might be unsettling but my goodness, how lovely to meet someone who is financially so independent. I never managed that in years of internet dating!

Only you can know if this works for you. I wouldn't mind it at all (I travel one week a month for my job). I find my travelling actually makes my relationships stronger because we miss each other and after the next 3 weeks, we could both do with a break!

No, I'd be fine with it. Supportive even. Good on him for having these plans and going ahead with them rather than just dreaming, It'd be different if he was away for a year but two weeks on, two weeks off sounds ideal. You won't combust if you can't speak or text for a few days.

Any chance you can go too? If not I would be jealous as this is my plan too. My oh knows this and we have said we may have to split up if it comes to it.

No I would be pleased to have someone so independent and have lots to talk about!

Despite his age he does lots of ‘off the beaten track’ travel - Everest Base camp hiking, skiing in Argentina etc.

He's 55 not 90! I know men in their late 70s doing this. 55 is not in the "despite his age" category

LOL at 'despite his age'. He's only 55 - 12 years off retirement age.

If you want a bloke whose going to be there 24/7, this isn't your guy

Oh wow! Its so great that you are all so supportive of his plans!! Maybe I need to take my soppy head off and think practically

Also im sorry for the ageist 55 comment, he is actually 58, was trying to be discreet 😂.
But understand your points

I wouldn't mind this at all, it would give time for my own interests, work and relationships which is a struggle to balance in a relationship. Lots of people work away and manage to maintain relationships so it can definitely work.

I'm early 40's and have known for years that when I retire I will spend a good chunk of each year travelling, it's my dream and always has been. I wouldn't be willing to negotiate that for a relationship but that's just me.

I also liked travelling on my own (when I was able), and I enjoy time away on my own and with friends. I write, so time on my own suits me, and he sounds interesting. I'd look forward to hearing about his experiences. If you go away together as well, it sounds pretty ideal. But you're me, and if you have doubts, it's something to discuss. But it sounds like it is a lifestyle to him.

This sounds perfect! Tbh I would prefer to be the one actually travelling but he's basically living my dream life. I travel a lot for work and absence makes the heart grow fonder etc.

@Wanderingtraveller
You lost me at "despite his age".
He's 55!!!

*you're not me that should be.

I met my former husband just before he went to Iraq for 9 months.

After we got married he was away frequently, sometimes weeks, sometimes months. Generally uncontactable, regularly in danger. He was a soldier.

If you want it to work, it can.

We divorced as friends after 17 years, and after he'd left the army, so the being away wasn't a factor.

Time apart isn't an issue unless you make it one.

He has been upfront from the beginning it seems. It may not be what you want, in which case you are perfectly entitled to end the relationship. It would not be a deal breaker to me but we are not all the same.

I would LOVE this. Two weeks or excitement, dinners out and shagging, and two weeks to myself - reading, swimming, work, beach, puttering, painting. This sounds perfect.

I love time to myself sounds perfect but we’re all different

the one thing is this is him he’s planned it for years
ether accept it or go your separate ways
but don’t try and change him or his plans

The time away would not be a dealbreaker, but I would wonder if we were financially compatible. If there is a future there and he wants to do expensive holidays/general lifestyle, I would worry if I could keep up. Obviously I don’t know what your finances are like but it would be my worry.

Despite his age?! Good grief. I didn’t realise I had to stick to a week in Dorset now I’ve reached the grand old age of 56. 🙄

no it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me. I’d love the space and time to myself.

It wouldn’t be for me.
Marvellous to have a friend who did this, but not a partner. I love space too, but I would feel like a stop gap. Being honest, I think I would also feel boring or pressured to be able to do big exciting things too.

If it is for you then it is for you and that's all that matters. Just please don't try and get this guy to pull back from fulfilling his retirement dreams because you don't like him going away - you knew the score here quite early on.