For context, my partner and I have been together a year, but have known each other for a long time. He was in therapy for over a year after his 10 year relationship ended and in this time, worked on understanding himself better. I was in therapy for a few months at the beginning of our relationship to try and work through trauma caused my a previous relationship. I found it very difficult to trust my partner, but he did everything he possibly could to make me feel safe with him. Since then, we’ve had a healthy relationship and I trusted him wholeheartedly. I’m 13 weeks pregnant, and we’re moving in together this weekend. He’s got two children already, and I’ve really come to love them both.
I was planning a surprise with his friends for his birthday and so yesterday I opened up his WhatsApp to get one of their numbers while he was in the shower. He’s never been secretive with his phone and I know his passwords. There was a group chat on there called ‘Takeaway Night’. I clicked on it, assuming he’d planned something and hadn’t told me (he’s got a habit of telling me last minute). In there, there was a message from his best friend asking if he was up for some fun again. He said he was, and then his friend sent two pictures of my partner and another woman (his best friend’s wife), one with him going down on her and another of him standing over her. He said something along the lines of “Don’t cover your face insert name” in response to one of the pictures. His friend then said “I bet you can’t wait to slide back in her again”, and he said he wanted to. She replied saying she felt embarrassed, and didn’t really engage anymore. His friend said that she still had a question to answer, and my partner said “Yes you do, don’t be shy”. There was nothing after this.
At the same time, my partner and I had been texting and talking about the future. There had been nothing that had happened between us to warrant that. We’d been having regular sex throughout the pregnancy, and I would’ve said we were in a really positive place. I confronted my partner and he was ashamed, he didn’t try and make excuses for it or beg me to stay. He said there was nothing to justify it, other than it was a moment of stupidity and he was just placating his friend who has this ‘kink’. He explained that shortly after he’d broken up with his ex, he engaged in this threesome with them and they’d tried a few times since to get him to do it again and he’d turned them down.
I didn’t know any of this until yesterday, and my partner has gone round maybe two, or three times to this friends when his wife has been there. He says there was no intent to act on it, but I don’t know what to think. Deep down, I don’t believe he has ever cheated on me. I don’t believe there was any intent. He barely goes out, his idea of a ‘night out’ is board games over a friend’s house and he’s been an amazing partner up until yesterday. I’ve never found anything that would make me question him, and he’s been very honest throughout out relationship. He seems absolutely devastated and ashamed. I want to forgive him and move past it, but I don’t know if I’m just being naive. I want to do what’s best for me, and my baby. I just feel it’s so unfair.