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Original poster

A relative invited me to live rent-free and is now advising me to buy a house

105 replies

dhiaxdk1278 · 15/08/2023 10:44

I (25M) I have a relative that knew I will be looking for a new apartment and invited me to live with him rent-free. He suggested giving me a small one room apartment next to his house and repeated it multiple times, even told our common friends about it so I agreed as I enjoy spending time with him as I visit him often( He always calls to invite me). At first he told me that I should only pays my bills then told me I can live for free.

Now, two weeks before moving to his place, I visited him as always, he invites me often btw, and out of no where he started talking about houses and how buying a small apartment is beneficial to me as I will paying the amount of rent to the bank so better own something instead of renting and losing my money. I got shocked as I counted on him and stopped looking for apartments so I asked him upfront what about the small apartment you told me about and he responded saying that as promised I can come and live there. I asked him many times wether he needs the apartment now ( as I thought perhaps he changed his mind) and he declined saying he does not need it and he just told me about buying out of giving advices nothing more as houses are getting more expensive and I can reduce taxes.

I called him next day by phone and brought the subject again , as people tend to be more comfortable by phone, then asked him again. I thought maybe he will tell me he changed his mind ..but he said no and that he rented it a couple of years to gain some money but now I can live there for a year or two as he will sell it afterwards( no information here,I didn't know about selling it)

From the start I suggested paying rent many times but he declined. I am confused. Why would he bring the subject of buying a house then tells me" no you can live there for a year or two". I could not understand wether he wants me to move in or doesn't anymore. My instinct is giving me bad signs. I don't want to take things for free or let others feel used by me and at the same time I can't find an apartment in two weeks as I am living in a big city.

Could you please let me know what do you think?

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 15/08/2023 13:13

Tbh, OP, my son is the same age as you and, had this been offered to him, his first thought would have been saving for a deposit. He'd have assumed that's why the offer had been made even if it hadn't been made explicit.

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 15/08/2023 13:15

dhiaxdk1278 · 15/08/2023 10:44

I (25M) I have a relative that knew I will be looking for a new apartment and invited me to live with him rent-free. He suggested giving me a small one room apartment next to his house and repeated it multiple times, even told our common friends about it so I agreed as I enjoy spending time with him as I visit him often( He always calls to invite me). At first he told me that I should only pays my bills then told me I can live for free.

Now, two weeks before moving to his place, I visited him as always, he invites me often btw, and out of no where he started talking about houses and how buying a small apartment is beneficial to me as I will paying the amount of rent to the bank so better own something instead of renting and losing my money. I got shocked as I counted on him and stopped looking for apartments so I asked him upfront what about the small apartment you told me about and he responded saying that as promised I can come and live there. I asked him many times wether he needs the apartment now ( as I thought perhaps he changed his mind) and he declined saying he does not need it and he just told me about buying out of giving advices nothing more as houses are getting more expensive and I can reduce taxes.

I called him next day by phone and brought the subject again , as people tend to be more comfortable by phone, then asked him again. I thought maybe he will tell me he changed his mind ..but he said no and that he rented it a couple of years to gain some money but now I can live there for a year or two as he will sell it afterwards( no information here,I didn't know about selling it)

From the start I suggested paying rent many times but he declined. I am confused. Why would he bring the subject of buying a house then tells me" no you can live there for a year or two". I could not understand wether he wants me to move in or doesn't anymore. My instinct is giving me bad signs. I don't want to take things for free or let others feel used by me and at the same time I can't find an apartment in two weeks as I am living in a big city.

Could you please let me know what do you think?

Are you in the UK OP?

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 15/08/2023 13:17

Dery · 15/08/2023 10:48

This does sound very confusing. Could you offer to pay rent to your relative for now and look for somewhere else to move into in the future?

It's not confusing. He's offering the rent-free accommodation, but also advising the OP to save their money to buy a house. Which is sound advice for a young person who will be living cheaply in rent-free accommodation.

Hardly123 · 15/08/2023 13:17

I did this for a relative who didn't have a high income, thinking that they would save the rent money to get themselves in a more financially stable situation, or at least pay off their debt. I even offered to be their guarantor for a mortgage. I could see they didn't have much support in life. Anyway they didn't save anything, they just reduced their working hours as their income was lower! We looked at studio flats they could buy but they felt they were too small for them. Up to them of course but it's very dispiriting to watch. He probably wants to feel that his help will have a positive long term impact on your life and not just be temporary.

TellingBone · 15/08/2023 13:20

Prouddoggieparent · 15/08/2023 13:08

Probably nothing in it but there’s no chance he wants to bum you?

Do bots get bummed? 😂

MintJulia · 15/08/2023 13:22

Shurleyknot · 15/08/2023 10:46

He is telling you that with the rent you will save by living there free you could save up for your own mortgage.

This.

He's offered you a place to live free and is advising you to save the money you would otherwise spend on rent, so that you will have a deposit in future.

You cannot expect to live with him rent free for ever. If he dies you will be homeless. If his circumstances change you will be homeless.

So he is giving the good advice that a family friend would give. Take this opportunity to save for the future.

Original poster
dhiaxdk1278 · 15/08/2023 13:25

TellingBone · 15/08/2023 13:20

Do bots get bummed? 😂

Show quote history

you think i am a bot :\ would bots be looking for housing LOL
@Prouddoggieparent you scared me! please don't say that again! what made you say that? Please don't tell me someone offered you hosing then tried that.
@Helpmepleaseimbusy NO but in a big city , pretty much the same as in UK where rent is expensive

OP posts:
TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 15/08/2023 13:27

Batalax · 15/08/2023 11:35

Definitely put the money you pay for rent into a savings account so that you have a deposit to buy your own place in a couple of years.

Do you earn enough to be able to get a mortgage for a small place with a decent deposit that you can save? In other words if you multiply what you earn by 4 (or perhaps 3.5, I’m not sure what the banks lend nowadays) is that enough to buy a flat or small house in the area you live in? If it is then you are very lucky to get the help from your uncle so that you can save a deposit.

A Lisa savings account will mean that the government will add 25% to anything you can save - BUT this is only useful if you earn enough for the bank to lend you the rest of money for a property. You can only use the money to buy property or it stays there until you take it as a pension.

Ask your uncle for help to understand deposits, mortgages and Lisa’s if you aren’t sure. He sounds financially savvy.

The OP refers to the fact that buying a house will save taxes, so I think it's pretty clear that they are not in the UK and therefore LISAs won't be relevant.

Mortgage interest is tax deductible in the US, so I'd guess the OP lives there.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 15/08/2023 13:29

OP - I think you are finding confusion where most people would not. It is abundantly clear from your post that the relative is offering time-limited assistance in order to help you save to buy. He is happy to offer free accommodation, but not forever - and that's fine! There's no hidden agenda here, and his actions aren't confusing at all.

Are you neuro-diverse, as that might explain your confusion?

Theunamedcat · 15/08/2023 13:32

He mentioned selling it afterwards? Maybe he is saying save up and you could buy it off him

EweGotToGrooveIt · 15/08/2023 13:34

Like others I think he is

a) trying to make it clear this is not a permanent deal - you need to be ready to move on in a couple of years
and
b) helping make sure that happens by trying to get you to link the great opportunity right now to saving for your own place, so he doesn't feel rotten turfing you out in 2 years to go back to renting

Original poster
dhiaxdk1278 · 15/08/2023 13:36

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 15/08/2023 13:29

OP - I think you are finding confusion where most people would not. It is abundantly clear from your post that the relative is offering time-limited assistance in order to help you save to buy. He is happy to offer free accommodation, but not forever - and that's fine! There's no hidden agenda here, and his actions aren't confusing at all.

Are you neuro-diverse, as that might explain your confusion?

No. I agree with his advice regarding rent Vs buying a house except that I am afraid when I'll live at his place it'll will start to get uncomfortable and I will be forced to rent any apartment just to move out. I knew people in my life that prefer to not say what they really mean then I only found out later. Like one time a friend kept on inviting me over then I was not feeling welcomed once I was there.

OP posts:
Wowokthanks · 15/08/2023 13:37

Your relative is giving you a hand up, a year or two in this apartment, rent free so you can save to buy a property of your own, then he can sell his property and release funds for himself.

Massive hand up, I'd discuss once more, to clarify, then I'd be really thankful. May the odd meal for your relative and every few months share progress of your savings, they're being incredibly thoughtful to you and thinking of your future.

debbrianna · 15/08/2023 13:38

dhiaxdk1278 · 15/08/2023 13:25

you think i am a bot :\ would bots be looking for housing LOL
@Prouddoggieparent you scared me! please don't say that again! what made you say that? Please don't tell me someone offered you hosing then tried that.
@Helpmepleaseimbusy NO but in a big city , pretty much the same as in UK where rent is expensive

Show quote history

Your responses are weird, to be honest.

Original poster
dhiaxdk1278 · 15/08/2023 13:42

debbrianna · 15/08/2023 13:38

Your responses are weird, to be honest.

Show quote history

Maybe you need to accept others like I accept others feedbacks.
We all have not gone the same life so it's normal to see things differently based on our past.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 15/08/2023 13:43

VeridicalVagabond · 15/08/2023 10:50

Perhaps he's saying, a little clumsily, that you can live there rent free so you can save the money you would be spending on rent for a deposit on a house in a couple of years?

I think that too and he is absolutely right. If you put away most of what you would otherwise be spending on rent it will mount up considerably and you will be able to buy a place of your own. If he is thinking of selling the flat in a couple of years, and you like it there, you may even be able to buy that.

It sounds good to me. I wish you every good fortune.

Original poster
dhiaxdk1278 · 15/08/2023 13:43

Theunamedcat · 15/08/2023 13:32

He mentioned selling it afterwards? Maybe he is saying save up and you could buy it off him

Perhaps but I don't think so as he mentionned new buildings under construction near his house. He also suggested to check other cities as well.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 15/08/2023 13:44

I would set up a specific bank account that you put at minimum the amount you would have been paying for rent and utilities into every month. Then mention this account and what you are doing to your host. Thank your host for giving you the opportunity to save aggressively towards you future housing.

CherryMaDeara · 15/08/2023 13:54

Take them up on the offer, save your money, and be a good free tenant.

Keep the apartment clean.
Offer to contribute towards bills (broadband, gas, water etc)
Cook for them to show appreciation
Give gifts

Towdalinenow · 15/08/2023 13:55

The big question OP that everyone wants to know - including your relative - is are you going to save the money you would have spent on rent?

Your relative just needs to hear you say that you will save the rent you do not need to spend. He needs reassurance that you won’t fritter it away.

It’s really simple and you do seem to be over complicating things!

Carpediemmakeitcount · 15/08/2023 13:55

dhiaxdk1278 · 15/08/2023 13:42

Maybe you need to accept others like I accept others feedbacks.
We all have not gone the same life so it's normal to see things differently based on our past.

Show quote history

Ignore those types of posts people love to post weird it makes them look more stupid.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 15/08/2023 13:59

I think it's a good offer I understand your concerns. You don't sound like the type of person who would take the piss. As long as you are respectful and give him his space then you should be okay. Don't be held to ransom by his offer or made to feel guilty to you have other family members who you can stay with?

Sugarfree23 · 15/08/2023 13:59

Op set up a savings account so your 'rent' or the money that would have been spent on rent is tucked away. Tell them that is your plan.

I agree the person is giving you it rent free to help you get on you feet and be able to get on the housing ladder.

I'm assuming it's a grandparent or Uncle who's letting you say. They might also be thinking they could give the same offer to your siblings or cousins when the time is right. So don't want you there for the next 10 years.

TequilaNights · 15/08/2023 14:18

Maybe he wants you to buy the apartment.

Alpsx · 15/08/2023 19:42

Sorry, but OP clearly has some issues. Anyway, so what if you get kicked out in 6 months (which he won't do until you have secured another rental anyway, as he is the one who has invited you and has shown nothing but care towards you, not to mention generosity- why are YOU imagining things of him/ for him which aren't there?!? ). Are you really arguing over free rent for 6 months?! Don't be ridiculous.

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