A relative invited me to live rent-free and is now advising me to buy a house

[dhiaxdk1278]

I (25M) I have a relative that knew I will be looking for a new apartment and invited me to live with him rent-free. He suggested giving me a small one room apartment next to his house and repeated it multiple times, even told our common friends about it so I agreed as I enjoy spending time with him as I visit him often( He always calls to invite me). At first he told me that I should only pays my bills then told me I can live for free.

Now, two weeks before moving to his place, I visited him as always, he invites me often btw, and out of no where he started talking about houses and how buying a small apartment is beneficial to me as I will paying the amount of rent to the bank so better own something instead of renting and losing my money. I got shocked as I counted on him and stopped looking for apartments so I asked him upfront what about the small apartment you told me about and he responded saying that as promised I can come and live there. I asked him many times wether he needs the apartment now ( as I thought perhaps he changed his mind) and he declined saying he does not need it and he just told me about buying out of giving advices nothing more as houses are getting more expensive and I can reduce taxes.

I called him next day by phone and brought the subject again , as people tend to be more comfortable by phone, then asked him again. I thought maybe he will tell me he changed his mind ..but he said no and that he rented it a couple of years to gain some money but now I can live there for a year or two as he will sell it afterwards( no information here,I didn't know about selling it)

From the start I suggested paying rent many times but he declined. I am confused. Why would he bring the subject of buying a house then tells me" no you can live there for a year or two". I could not understand wether he wants me to move in or doesn't anymore. My instinct is giving me bad signs. I don't want to take things for free or let others feel used by me and at the same time I can't find an apartment in two weeks as I am living in a big city.

Could you please let me know what do you think?

okay let's suppose what you say guys is true. I am not spending too much money and I live a minimalist life, I didn't even buy a car I use public transporation.
There's no reason or past behaviour showing that I spend too much money.
So I don't think he thinks that way.

yes , this seems patently obvious

He is telling you that with the rent you will save by living there free you could save up for your own mortgage.

This.

If he wanted you out he'd tell you - he's making it clear this isn't an endless rent free situation but an opportunity to save up and do something like buy a house/flat in the future to help set yourself up - even if you don't buy immediately having a sum to add to will be a help when you are ready to.

I wonder if hes raising it now a lot if he got real concerns you haven't grasped this and is worried he made your situation long term much worse as you get used to more disposable income and is worried he'll feel trapped into needing to continue this rent free situation long after he intended to with financial implications for himself.

Thank the relative, say you appreciate his advice about living free in his apartment and saving fir your own place. Sounds an ideal plan to help get you on the property ladder.

You live their rent free, you save money, money is a deposit to buy house... its hardly rocket science.

Although my gut is thinking he might want you to buy his apartment at the end of it (benefit to both of you).

He is telling you 'I'm helping you to get yourself stable and in a position to buy somewhere in a couple of years, so don't assume this is for life and spend every penny you would have spent on rent on things you haven't been able to afford until now because you had rent to pay'. Because people do that - they find they've got spare cash due to the lack of rent and develop tastes they didn't have before.

There are plenty of cases where people are caught out by that, whether it's through the owner dying, a job with tied accommodation coming to an end, living with relatives becoming a nightmare but not having savings to find somewhere else...all through a failure to forward plan for making their own permanent arrangements.

Basically 'Don't be a fool, use this opportunity I'm giving you to be secure in the future, rather than going off at the deep end and spending your future'.

Can you start paying into a monthly saver account the amount you are saving in rent?

I yhink what is indirectly saying I'd use he opportunity wisely.

There's no reason or past behaviour showing that I spend too much money.
So I don't think he thinks that way.

How you act and other people fears for your future IME don't always tally.

I save a huge amount to get on housing ladder - we had a lot go against us just bad luck - many older family member started making comments like were we feckless idiots - though they couldn't when asked point out any reckless behavior only bad luck.

Say thankyou - and that you are saving hard for your future - probably just wants reassurance of this especially if others are aware and may have their own views and concerns even if it's not their business and are worrying him.

I think he's basically giving you some really good advice. You will be saving on rent in the apartment and ideally use this spare money to save up and secure a property of your own
Do you expect to live for free for the rest of your life?

Hmmm I disagree with PPs and agree with OP. It's weird he is giving OP a housing lecture now and not when he first made the offer

I agree he is only seeking reassurance that you won’t waste the money he is saving you.
Say “Thank you. I will be saving the rent money so I might be able to buy somewhere in the future”

I think he's just looked at himself and his position and looked at the position of a lot of 20somethings trying to get onto the property ladder and rather than being full of advice on cutting down on Avocado toast and criticisms, he's considered what he could actually do to help you and this is it.

Honestly, if someone had done similar for le at hour age, my life would look very different to it does now!

Why are you trying to find negatives?

He has said you can live there for a couple of years rent free, and seems very happy to be offering that

But I agree with everyone else : he is saying save your money over those rent free years to set yourself up for the future , either with a deposit for your own flat, or for future rentals. Which is good advice.

It sounds as if values your company as much as you do his.

Please do pay your own bills though.

Is there any reason or past behaviour for you to think he's a wrong person who does favours for people then complains about it?

Unless you are really down on your uppers getting involved with friends/relations over housing always ends in tears. Stay independent.

That's what I thought!

Come to think of it, OP, there was nothing in your original post about "I had this great opportunity to save a deposit", only comments about having the place for free

Did you intend to use it to save, and if so did you express to him what a great chance to do so this would be? Because if not I'm wondering if he's thinking "errr, hang on a minute ..."

He is saying that you can live there rent free. But maybe suggesting that you can buy to rent, so that you are also saving money?

Instead of trying to find hidden meanings, try taking him at face value. When you questioned him he said he is still offering you this place to live rent free. He explained that he was only trying to give you advice.

Give him the benefit of the doubt and believe him that he is being upfront and honest with you.

Sometimes it can make us feel uncomfortable to accept help and this is when doubts and anxiety creep in.

Be appreciative, be grateful, be helpful in return and take his advice and save for that deposit. He would probably appreciate that.

I think your relative cares about you a lot and is giving you an amazing opportunity to save up a ton of money! Make the most of it and save every penny. They are probably being a bit vague because they don't want to seem rude by outwardly telling you what to do.

Stop asking him to confirm that you can live there.

Pin down the details - ie when you will move in. Ask how long you can be there for. If you like, send him an email reiterating these details and expressing great thanks, including the fact you’ll use the opportunity to save up towards future housing. Send him. Lovely card and flowers ir another gift.

Move in.

Keeping asking over and over isn’t helping. Is there a language barrier or some other communication barrier between you? If not, acccept his offer and move in.

If you are in doubt and think he doesn’t mean it or will boot you out with short notice, then avoid it. You have to feel comfortable.

With this kind of thing,even amongst friends ir family, I’d always email with what I think has been agreed. That way, somethings written down and if there’s anything you’ve misunderstood it isn’t clear, it can be corrected. Lack of communication and people making assumptions is often the root of later problems. So pin down the details of what he’s offering and move in. Don’t keep going over the general principle of him letting you live there, but focus on when you will move in and for how long.

They are hinting it's not forever and you should use the opportunity to save for a deposit
Agree they could be a bit more direct but maybe are trying not to tell you what to do with your money so are doing it as a discussional hint.

Probably nothing in it but there’s no chance he wants to bum you?

I think he's hinting that you could buy his apartment.