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Original poster

A relative invited me to live rent-free and is now advising me to buy a house

105 replies

dhiaxdk1278 · 15/08/2023 10:44

I (25M) I have a relative that knew I will be looking for a new apartment and invited me to live with him rent-free. He suggested giving me a small one room apartment next to his house and repeated it multiple times, even told our common friends about it so I agreed as I enjoy spending time with him as I visit him often( He always calls to invite me). At first he told me that I should only pays my bills then told me I can live for free.

Now, two weeks before moving to his place, I visited him as always, he invites me often btw, and out of no where he started talking about houses and how buying a small apartment is beneficial to me as I will paying the amount of rent to the bank so better own something instead of renting and losing my money. I got shocked as I counted on him and stopped looking for apartments so I asked him upfront what about the small apartment you told me about and he responded saying that as promised I can come and live there. I asked him many times wether he needs the apartment now ( as I thought perhaps he changed his mind) and he declined saying he does not need it and he just told me about buying out of giving advices nothing more as houses are getting more expensive and I can reduce taxes.

I called him next day by phone and brought the subject again , as people tend to be more comfortable by phone, then asked him again. I thought maybe he will tell me he changed his mind ..but he said no and that he rented it a couple of years to gain some money but now I can live there for a year or two as he will sell it afterwards( no information here,I didn't know about selling it)

From the start I suggested paying rent many times but he declined. I am confused. Why would he bring the subject of buying a house then tells me" no you can live there for a year or two". I could not understand wether he wants me to move in or doesn't anymore. My instinct is giving me bad signs. I don't want to take things for free or let others feel used by me and at the same time I can't find an apartment in two weeks as I am living in a big city.

Could you please let me know what do you think?

OP posts:
floribunda18 · 15/08/2023 11:11

I think he’s (politely) saying he’s happy to help but the money you are saving on rent should be saved towards buying a property of your own.

Yes I think so too. Sounds great to me.

Movinghouseatlast · 15/08/2023 11:12

Hemeans you can live there rent free but you should be saving the money you save to buy somewhere in the future as this is better long term.

Devilsmommy · 15/08/2023 11:14

Is he wanting you to buy his apartment after the 2 years of rent free there maybe? It doesn't sound like he's going to change his mind but just thought that he was helping you think about future

ImustLearn2Cook · 15/08/2023 11:17

I agree with pp, he is giving you an amazing opportunity to save whatever you would’ve had to pay to rent an apartment towards a deposit for a home loan in the future.

You are so lucky. Don’t let this opportunity pass.

Doopydoo · 15/08/2023 11:21

I think maybe he is hinting that you buy his small apartment.

GreyCarpet · 15/08/2023 11:26

Tbh, OP, I'm more surprised that it wasn't blindingly obvious to you what he was suggesting.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/08/2023 11:27

TheYearOfSmallThings · 15/08/2023 10:56

My guess is that he is happy for you to live there now, but doesn't want to (or has been warned against) making you dependant or making it look as if you have a claim to inherit. So if he knows you are making provision for the day when you can no longer live in his flat, he will be happy for you to live there, but if he knows he would be making you homeless in the future he would be uneasy with the arrangement.

And he is not wrong - if you decide to live there you should be actively planning to house yourself in the future.

Exactly this

IveHadItUpToHere · 15/08/2023 11:29

It's not confusing. You're going to live there rent-free but he's advising you that it's better to buy than rent when you eventually move out.
Basically he's nudging you to save for a deposit whilst you're living there rent-free. We've done this with relatives ie let them live rent-free so they could save up for a deposit for their own place. One of them did and ended up buying their own flat when they moved out. The other didn't and just spent the money they were saving every month.

DeeCeeCherry · 15/08/2023 11:30

He's just giving you sensible advice and advising you that you can't live in his rent-free apartment forever so after a couple of years, look into buying a place for your own security. Come on man you're 25, buck up your ideas you should know help and good advice when you see and hear it.

IhearyouClemFandango · 15/08/2023 11:32

CluelessHamster · 15/08/2023 10:55

Yes. He is hinting that he doesn't want you thinking you can live there, rent free, for ever and that he is offering it to you for a couple of years so you can save up for a deposit. Perhaps that is what he originally meant but realised he didn't make it clear so he's telling you now.

His offer is really generous and a wonderful opportunity for you. I would ask him clearly "are you still happy for me to move in on the 28th?" (or whenever you plan to move in). It sounds like he will say yes, so move in there and set up a savings account with the money you save on rent and you'll hopefully have a nice amount for a deposit on your own place before too long.

This.
I'm not sure what interpretation you were putting on it? He's clearly telling you that you have a couple of years, which is hugely generous. He's even paying your bills! Very odd. But regardless, get saving. Did you think he was going to give it to you forever? Surely you assumed it was a temporary measure?

Alpsx · 15/08/2023 11:33

Er, why is OP confused at all? Do you think your relative will/ must house you rent free forever? 1) He wats to sell in a year or 2. 2) He is being generous even if it was rent free for 6 months. 3) yes, whilst rent free most reasonable people will be saving HARD to be able to buy something small. 3. He is right to warn you that a life of renting may not be a good idea in the end. 4. You sound young, so if you can afford a deposit after living rent free- yes, buy. 5. You sound, I don't know.
5.He might now want to rescind this offer because he wants to help YOU to help yourself (by saving for a deposit even for something small.) 6.What can you not understand?

Batalax · 15/08/2023 11:35

Definitely put the money you pay for rent into a savings account so that you have a deposit to buy your own place in a couple of years.

Do you earn enough to be able to get a mortgage for a small place with a decent deposit that you can save? In other words if you multiply what you earn by 4 (or perhaps 3.5, I’m not sure what the banks lend nowadays) is that enough to buy a flat or small house in the area you live in? If it is then you are very lucky to get the help from your uncle so that you can save a deposit.

A Lisa savings account will mean that the government will add 25% to anything you can save - BUT this is only useful if you earn enough for the bank to lend you the rest of money for a property. You can only use the money to buy property or it stays there until you take it as a pension.

Ask your uncle for help to understand deposits, mortgages and Lisa’s if you aren’t sure. He sounds financially savvy.

Viviennemary · 15/08/2023 11:36

He is saying you cant live there rent free for ever but for a year or two to give you a chance to save. I think a face to face conversation about this needs to be held before you make a final decision. Of course you need to know where you stand.

resilienceabloodygain · 15/08/2023 11:40

Shurleyknot · 15/08/2023 10:46

He is telling you that with the rent you will save by living there free you could save up for your own mortgage.

This! He didn’t mean live there rent free the rest of your life! He’s giving you a helping hand to save for your own place!

Original poster
dhiaxdk1278 · 15/08/2023 11:41

OP HERE
Guys thanks for your responses!
Noo ! I don't want to live forever for free! I am renting now since a couple of years but the landlord wants his house. I have self respect, not of the type of people who want free stuff.
I just felt he is hinting that I should instead cancel the plan and move out , meaning he changed his mind. Like "Why not buy a house now and move there "
Maybe him being polite and nice didn't say what he really meant. He never talked about this untill two weeks before moving out to his place! If he said it months ago when he suggested the rent-free It would have made sense like " why instead of renting you don't live at my place for a year or two then buy a house". I would have not been confused that way.

I hate letting wrong people doing favours for me then complaining about it to every common friend" we did this and this for him .."

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 15/08/2023 11:44

Have you enough money saved to buy a house now or would rent free for a year or two help you a lot to save more. A conversation needs to be held with this person.

strawberriesarenot · 15/08/2023 11:45

Your very generous relative is telling you:

  1. He is not prepared to give you a home for more than a year or so.
  2. He expects you to save during that time, not blow your income on extras.
  3. Although he is too good mannered to say it out loud, he does not entirely trust you not to do either/both of the above. Perhaps other people have warned him to put a limit on his generosity.
Staticgirl · 15/08/2023 11:45

Just bang out an agreement on paper and then you can both sign it. Both of you will then be clear about what is expected from the pair of you (especially as you seem so unclear) and you will be able to relax (and save like fury).

Overthebow · 15/08/2023 11:46

I agree he’s giving you a good opportunity to live rent free for a year or two, save up and then buy a house. Do this and don’t overthink it anymore .

SirChenjins · 15/08/2023 11:52

dhiaxdk1278 · 15/08/2023 11:41

OP HERE
Guys thanks for your responses!
Noo ! I don't want to live forever for free! I am renting now since a couple of years but the landlord wants his house. I have self respect, not of the type of people who want free stuff.
I just felt he is hinting that I should instead cancel the plan and move out , meaning he changed his mind. Like "Why not buy a house now and move there "
Maybe him being polite and nice didn't say what he really meant. He never talked about this untill two weeks before moving out to his place! If he said it months ago when he suggested the rent-free It would have made sense like " why instead of renting you don't live at my place for a year or two then buy a house". I would have not been confused that way.

I hate letting wrong people doing favours for me then complaining about it to every common friend" we did this and this for him .."

I think it would have been very difficult for him to say that - he’d then be setting conditions for your move into his apartment and telling you how to spend your money, which could come over as quite controlling. This way, he’s merely suggesting to you that buying a property would be a really good idea - and hinting that you might want to think about saving hard while you’re living rent free.

SirChenjins · 15/08/2023 11:53

Oh, and setting a bit of a time limit so you don’t inadvertently think you can stay there rent free for many years to come.

SoSad44 · 15/08/2023 11:54

strawberriesarenot · 15/08/2023 11:45

Your very generous relative is telling you:

  1. He is not prepared to give you a home for more than a year or so.
  2. He expects you to save during that time, not blow your income on extras.
  3. Although he is too good mannered to say it out loud, he does not entirely trust you not to do either/both of the above. Perhaps other people have warned him to put a limit on his generosity.

This

ItsNotRocketSalad · 15/08/2023 11:54

I hate letting wrong people doing favours for me then complaining about it to every common friend" we did this and this for him .."

If that's your attitude, don't take him up on his incredibly kind, generous, and non-confusing offer.

TrickleWell · 15/08/2023 11:57

ItsNotRocketSalad · 15/08/2023 11:54

I hate letting wrong people doing favours for me then complaining about it to every common friend" we did this and this for him .."

If that's your attitude, don't take him up on his incredibly kind, generous, and non-confusing offer.

I agree, this says more about the OP than the relative. Though if this attitude is based on his own past behaviours, it’s possible the relative thinks the OP will blow the money he’s not spending on rent, and the relative doesn’t want to let him stay rent-free if so. As is his/her right.

MrsMarzetti · 15/08/2023 11:57

He has told you many times that he is happy for you to live there for a couple of years rent free.