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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Its over.....

56 replies

Lizzer · 22/11/2002 09:20

Please help...Couldn't face posting on the dating game thread cos it has such wonderful things about the start of the relationship. But basically he called it off last night saying that he didn't want a girlfriend right now loads of crap about work is his priority at the moment. There were lots of tears from us both and he told me he loved me but felt he couldn't give me what I needed, so had finished it because if it went on then he would only treat me worse andworse...
Ifeel so awful. I knew we had problems and I wanted to talk them through, was also thinking that he might not be right for me but its only been 7 months surely that 1st year is full of differences cos you are getting to know someone. I thought it would be ok if we worked out where we were going, maybe took a little break for a while but not THIS!!!!
It feels like my heart is ripped into shreds, can't eat, sleep. My eyes hurt so much from crying and dd keeps saying 'are your eyes sore mummy?' Its bad enough having split up with people in the past, esp. dd's dad but this is different. Ever since I moved back to this hideous little town 3 yrs ago I fancied him, he kept me going, through everything there was always him... I can't believe its gone, I can't believe anything anymore. It feels like its not happening to me, that its just a dream. Why????
What am suppose to say to dd when she asks why we can't stay at A's anymore???????? /what am I supposed to do now, please someone tell me????

OP posts:
prufrock · 22/11/2002 09:29

Lizzer I can't help I'm afraid but just wanted to give you lots of sympathy. It might not be the end of it all - he hasn't said that he doesn't love you anymore. And even if it is all over, you will get through it. You still have dd, and you are still you. It WILL get better. You will stop feeling quite so awful.

Ghosty · 22/11/2002 09:37

I am so sorry Lizzer ... have no advice ... just try to be strong if you can ...

Thinking of you ...

roxie · 22/11/2002 09:41

oh Lizzer
they woo us, they love us and then they break out hearts...
I'm so sorry for you. I'm sorry i'm not the one with the wisest of words for you, but you will get through it. You will!! Believe me, i know.
Keep your chin up, head in the air. Let him see that you're stronger than he thinks. Get out and about meeting people and going on dates again, and make sure he finds this out. It sounds like you loved him passionately, but he let u down. Do you really want a long term relationship with a man like that. He sounds selfish to me. And the reason he gave u about work sounds just like a cop-out. You're better off without him, you won't realise that now, but in time you will.

Take care & thinking of u...

Roxie xx

Original poster
Lizzer · 22/11/2002 09:47

Thankyou, I might not be able to get back online today but I'll post tomorrow morning if possible. Sorry, I know that there is nothing that can be done or said -and that's the worst thing ever....

OP posts:
Joe1 · 22/11/2002 10:10

Oh Lizzer, if he had told you he didnt love you anymore it would probably be a little easier, not a lot, a little though. But to say he prefers his work over you is a poor excuse.

You will be fine in time and your dd will have enough love to keep you going for a long time. Pecker up

pamina · 22/11/2002 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LiamsMum · 22/11/2002 10:19

Lizzer I'm so sorry for you. I agree with Roxie - I know it's VERY hard but I think it's a good idea to try to keen your chin up. Before dh & I got married (he was separated and had lots of "baggage", he called it off a couple of times with similar cop-out reasons. I went on as if everything was ok (I didn't feel that way), I went out with friends and I also told a friend of his that I was seeing someone else. To cut a long story short, dh suddenly realised he'd made a mistake and started pursuing me again. We've been married 10 1/2 years now and he tells me that he didn't really know what he wanted at that stage of his life. I truly hope it works out for you, I know what the heartache is like. Best wishes xxxx

Amanda1 · 22/11/2002 13:09

Message withdrawn

Bobbins · 22/11/2002 13:17

Gutting Lizzer!

But I really agree, the best thing for you now is to keep your chin up and start getting out there again soon. I know that might seem ridiculous cliche at the moment, but it really is the best medicine. I broke up with my partner in September too and thought it was the end of my world sometimes. A few good nights out and realising the new avenues open to me (IYKWIM!) and I feel twenty times better! Good luck.

megg · 22/11/2002 13:34

I can't really say anything to make you feel better but my mum used to tell me that I should think of all the horrible points about the man and the bits that drove me nuts as it makes you feel better about being without him. Take care.

cerys · 22/11/2002 14:56

Lizzer - poor you. Can't think of anything to add the the others' advice, but am sending you a big hug.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lizzer{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

xx

Tillysmummy · 22/11/2002 15:03

No more wise words here Im afraid, the others have said it all and I agree, chin up and be brave if you can even though it feels like your world's falling apart. As has already been said, you have your wonderful dd. It will hurt for a long time but it will get better. You just need to give yourself time to lick your wounds and when you feel you can face the world -go get 'em - there are plenty of more deserving men by the sounds of it. You'll be fine hunni. Chin up xx

aloha · 22/11/2002 15:23

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I have felt EXACTLY like this and I know it is hell - physically, mentally and emotional agony. Please treat yourself really nicely and gently now. I am probably very, very shallow but I really do think a massage and a new haircut can work wonders for battered self-esteem and lack of tlc. Talk to your friends, love yourself as much as you can. Think about how gorgeously slim you are getting. And remember you have your lovely dd. As you said yourself, you didn't feel it was going so well. It would have got worse. There is somebody better out there for you, definitely, with no game playing, no doubts and no unanswered questions. I suspect all this thin-making agony is nature's way of making you even foxier for your real Mr Right.

Batters · 22/11/2002 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bobbins · 22/11/2002 16:19

that's funny...through all the crap I've been through lately I have lost loads of weight and lots of people have commented. Rosemary Conley...Geri Halliwell ...are you really just depressed? Now I've started to cheer up I've started to eat again. Jeezus.. what kind of sadistic world is this?

Tinker · 22/11/2002 16:22

Lizzer, heartache is truly the most exquisitely awful pain in the world. But you will get thorugh it, you will. But just wallow and get it out of your system for now - difficult when you have a child, I know. Take care.

tigermoth · 22/11/2002 17:06

Lizzer, so sorry. Big hug. No time to post much now. Will come back! And is there any chance of you making the 30th November meal?

ScummyMummy · 22/11/2002 17:18

Oh Lizzer, I'm sorry to hear this. It really is his loss, hon. But I know you'll feel it's yours too for a while. All my love. x

Marina · 22/11/2002 20:04

I know how a broken heart physically hurts. I know what it is to have to explain a horrible situation to an inquisitive toddler. I know that even though no-one can make it better, online support and cyberhugs can make the saddest of times seem just a bit less lonely and wretched.
So sorry it didn't work out for you Lizzer, thinking of you and the better times ahead that you and dd so richly deserve. Any chance of revisiting those uni plans when you feel strong enough?
Lots of love to you both.

ks · 22/11/2002 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bossykate · 22/11/2002 22:51

nothing to add to the excellent comments already here - but just to repeat...

his loss, lizzer, his loss...

WideWebWitch · 22/11/2002 23:10

Lizzer, sorry to hear this. Repeat (using the same tone you use for "it's a phase, it's a phase" ) "HIS loss, I will get better, he wasn't right anyway (or whatever makes you feel better)" Recommend some girly nights out and in, some good novels, early nights and time passing. Lots of sympathy.

SueW · 22/11/2002 23:21

Oh Lizzer, I'm so sorry to hear it hasn't worked out.

I hope you stop hurting soon. Lots of hugs. You're a gorgeous woman - don't ever forget it

jessee · 23/11/2002 00:03

lizzer i really feel for you. there is nowt worse than a broken heart but IT WILL MEND.
If he does not care enough for you it is best for you to know now. Sorry this sounds harsh but I know guys who get kind of cajoled into marrying their (keener) wives and noone is ever really happy in the long run and the men end up having affairs etc.
Go for a big long walk in the fresh air tomorrow and take your dd somewhere special - whatever your budget allows, even if its just for fish and chips.
Before long you'll be back to your cheery self, you'll see.
Sending you a hug x

SueDonim · 23/11/2002 06:45

Lizzer, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so sad. I echo everyone else's comments and add that I hope the sun soon shines again for you. Love, Sue.

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