His best friend kissed me. Do I move on? How do I make it right?

[Cosmoslove]

I did the most awful thing. I have been with my partner for five years. I love him so much, I was happy, we had our bickers and ups and downs but it was a great relationship still. I recently got very drunk, too drunk. His best friend kissed me and said he had feelings for me. I kissed him back in my drunken state (not an excuse), and I shut down his comments about feelings and told my boyfriend what had happened. It wasn’t long and didn’t mean anything, but I did kiss him back.
He has cut off his best friend completely, he’s furious and doesn’t want anything to do with him. He’s broken up with me in an upset rage. This happened about two weeks ago. I want him back, I love him, I feel sick to my stomach about what I’ve done. How do I show him I’m sorry? I’m beating myself up about it so much that I’m becoming ill. I also don’t want to keep dragging myself through this if he doesn’t want to be with me, I need to forget it and move on, and somehow try to forgive myself.
Do I accept it’s the end and move on, or do I try to keep fighting it and accept I’m going to feel this way for a fair while?
I’m honestly not a bad person, I just made a really bad decision and it’s unforgivable.

Sorry about all the typos

Just to add, I still think you did the right thing being honest - in general but also becayse mate would forever be wondering if you'd tell him; and might decide to get in there first with a narrative flattering to himself. And then you'd have even less chance of the relationship continuing than you do now.

Give it time, OP. It's utterly horrifying when you wake up hungover and have made a huge mistake. Please don't beat yourself up. You told him and that was absolutely the right thing to do. Give it time, give him space, try to keep yourself busy and don't continuously beg for forgiveness.

An unsolicited and completely out of order kiss that was planted onto you whilst drunk? In your position i'd be raging with this 'friend' for doing it.

I was trying to think if this was my own DP, what would I do? I'd feel hurt and betrayed, but also I think i'd recognise that it was uninitiated, whilst drunk, momentary, and then stopped, and then the full truth was given immediately. That would go a really long way for me. The friend would be a gonner...what they did was deliberate. Whether I could actually - get past it entirely? I'm not sure. All that to say, your bf might never recover from this betrayal, but hopefully he recognises that your part in it was momentary human fallibility, not practised deceit. And you conducted yourself honourably afterwards.

As usual, @billy1966 has put it all beautifully.

And also raised some good questions. 5 years is a long time to be together and it’s clearly not all been plain-sailing. Before this kiss, what were the long-term plans? Were you growing together or just drifting along? Your BF is entitled to be pissed off but you were very honest when you could have kept this from him and 5 years is a lot to throw away over a drunken mistake. Do you think he might have been looking for a way out of your relationship? Do you think deep down you might have been?

It’s also worth considering how your boyfriend has talked about your relationship when he’s with his friend. Has he been enthusiastic about you or a bit dismissive? Has he said anything that made his friend think “I’m in with a chance here because her boyfriend isn’t that invested in their relationship”

My advice is to leave him well alone, he deserves better than someone that reciprocated a kiss with his best friend and actually admits to liking it?! And no, you can't move past anything like this as a couple, betrayal is awful (speaking from experience!)

Exactly!

My advice is to leave him well alone, he deserves better than someone that reciprocated a kiss with his best friend and actually admits to liking it

I have a friend who used to end up in bed with men she normally found repulsive under the influence of drink.

I wouldn't write him a letter just yet, just give him time for the anger to diminish, then maybe call or text him. If you really want him back, be prepared to wait for a while.

Jesus!

@Cosmoslove ive found out tonight my husband had kissed my best friend 4 months ago. I’m beyond broken so any advice welcome