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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My new bf is a monster

92 replies

Dontbedi · 13/08/2023 15:17

My bf is very intelligent. So when I tell you that there's been several occasions where he's made statements that have turned into arguments because of how IDIOTIC he can be, I'm at a fork in the road because of it.

One of the first ones that I can remember was about a tattoo I have on my wrist.
I got the tattoo when I was 21 in a friends garage, so needless to say, its not the most profound of tattoos.

But it was a semi colon before a semi colon then and a semi colon in this very moment.
So when I tell you that I'm a conversation with my bf about my tattoos, he goes on to say "I just don't know what you want to hide or why you don't just tell me the truth."

From there on we go back an fourth about this nonsense.

I ask him what he thinks it is then, he responded with "09"

🙄

It's apparently obvious that it "was " an 09 and I tried filling it in. .

When in reality it's just a shitty tattoo.
The guy dug me out and alongside the shitty tattooer there was also shitty ink and a shitty needle.
And i even agree it looks like it could very well be 09.
But the fact of the matter is it's not.

I haven't a reason to lie about something like this.

I'll include a picture below.

To this day it's a mystery why I don't just fess up to it.

Example #2

A few days ago I was getting dressed to grab some milk from the grocery store, and my daughter was not having a good evening at all. Shes throwing a absolute fit and he says he's gonna wipe her face since she's already freaking out.

I tell him please wait 2 seconds so I am not in the room to hear that commotion it makes me grind my teeth!

Instead of caring about how I felt. Or taking into consideration that's my baby.

He starts arguing with me whilst wipingherfa e anyways, and the words coming out of his mouth at the same time my daughter is crying so hard she's silent were,
That's retarded there's absolutely no logic behind your statement your an idot.
I said there's some things you just shouldn't argue with the mother of the child about.
And he took the baby wipes (the entire bag not one baby wipe.) And threw them pointblank pretty hard at my FUCKING FACE. in front of my daughter to make it even worse. .

This last week has been really heart wrecking for me, as I feel he isn't capable of Truelove at least not with me.

Because this isn't love.

I made him food the other night and he takes a bite and sighs and says it's cold.
No thank you. No itsgood.
It's cold. Thanks for half assing my dinner..

A different occurrence where I said why do you think it's ok to interrupt me like I don't matter. And he said "if what your saying is absolutely idiotic and retarded I will talk over you because your wasting my time I don't want to hear it. (how can an opinion of mine be wrong??)

Two nights ago I asked if he'd take the laundry hamper downstairs for me, and he said no to that as well.

Tonight I asked him to please kill a spider for me. And guess what.
He said no. Told me to do it. I said a relationship goes both ways equally. We both should put in parts of ourselves for the other one, and only them. That's part of being bf gf..

He told me he doesn't want me ending up like everyone we live with.
(He's the handy man in the house)
I said your GF is the only one that should be expected to ask you to do certain things here n there.

I said listen to yourself for real.
Your GF asked u to kill a spider. And your acting like i ask so much of you. As if I don't do your dishes mine and baby's.
Wash your clothes, the baby's , our linens and my own. Fold your clothes the baby's and mine. Put them all away (ORGANIZED TO THE T. TO THE Q. JEANS TO SHORTS TO GYM SHORTS ECT.)
He doesn't even take his boxers off his jeans, or the belt.

And it sucks because I truly love him. And I know that if he continues to think in this fashion I won't continue this.
I won't subject my baby to watch this toxicity grow.

What do u think. Is he a narcissist. Because he says I am.

My new bf is a monster
OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 13/08/2023 15:59

You say he's your new bf so I'm not sure what he's doing in your home, I hope he doesn't live there. Way too soon to be introduced to your DD.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 13/08/2023 16:00

You've said in your OP title that this is a new boyfriend, so I'm going to assume he isn't the father of your daughter...

... in which case:

  1. Why is he wiping your face and why are you expecting him to wait until you leave the room? The child's personal care is your responsibility.
  2. Why is this man, abusive or otherwise, in your daughter's company and in your daughter's home if he is a new boyfriend?
Iamclearlyamug · 13/08/2023 16:00

Good lord why the heck are you letting your child live in this environment?

YOU are allowing YOUR CHILD to live with abuse! WHY?

In unrelated thoughts, your tattoo looks like a semicolon to me 🤷‍♀️

Melonportal · 13/08/2023 16:01

Read this back and ask yourself what the hell you're doing

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 13/08/2023 16:01

Why the fuck are you subjecting your child to this?

Wake up woman

NancyPickford · 13/08/2023 16:02

Why are you musing about whether or not he is a narcissist when all the evidence is in front of you that he's an abusive twat of the highest order. Why are you subjecting your daughter to a life like this? You say you love him - why don't you tell us all the things about him that you love? Is it the name calling, the violence (baby wipe throwing), the bad temper? What? Please tell us, cos I'll bet that 100% of the people reading can't fathom what is so loveable about him.

Feverly · 13/08/2023 16:02

Yeah, I gave up halfway through, you need to do huge amounts of work on improving as a mother. Never again inflict your abusive scumbag sex partner on your child, you had no right to do this to her.

Youwho2 · 13/08/2023 16:03

Fuck that. He's a wanker. Don't subject yourself or your kid to this bell end. Thus us not love. I reckon your moving way to fast and need to slow things down next time.

ScottishIceCream · 13/08/2023 16:04

Totally perplexing why you're at a fork in the road and not miles down the route that doesn't have him in it.

Chowtime · 13/08/2023 16:04

God you must be absolutely desparate for a man to tolerate that.

Where on earth did you meet him?

ChrisPPancake · 13/08/2023 16:05

From the pic he kind of has a point and it looks like 09 or 60.

Other than that? You're worth more. Bin him off.

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 13/08/2023 16:06

He doesn't love you..
He doesn't love your dd..
He should have no place in your lives.

ChampagneLassie · 13/08/2023 16:08

I didn’t get past the stuff with your baby. Just get rid of him he sounds violent and controlling what are you waiting for?

JustCheckingUp · 13/08/2023 16:09

Are you really that desperate? Get real

maratara · 13/08/2023 16:17

Lost track in your OP. Somebody is definitely awful.

cosmosy · 13/08/2023 16:18

Why did you even start by rambling on about that bizarre and pointless semi colon story? Yes it shows his arrogance, but the rest of your post is a million times worse and on a different level.

To be brutally honest OP you don't sound entirely normal with your grasp of what is proportionate either. Obviously, leave him if you love your child.

Shakirasma · 13/08/2023 16:20

Wtf are you dithering at a fork in the road with this horrible piece of trash? Theres nothing to love!

Your poor daughter.

ExtraOnions · 13/08/2023 16:22

The tattoo … suppose he has a point

The rest is batshit, you need out of this relationship immediately

MolkosTeenageAngst · 13/08/2023 16:22

You both sound awful. What kind of mother tells her partner to wait until she’s out of the room to wipe her baby’s face because she knows the baby will cry and the ‘commotion’ makes her ‘grind her teeth’? That’s your daughter! How can you speak that way about her as if she is an inconvenience?

The relationship is toxic. Both of you are letting your daughter down. You need to leave.

whynotwhatknot · 13/08/2023 16:25

i dont understabd the tattoo thing but hes absuive just leave

Trinity65 · 13/08/2023 16:26

I think you need to grow the Hell up... and Him.

CurlewKate · 13/08/2023 16:30

Using the word retarded would be the end for me even without all the other stuff. Get him out.
Oh, and when he told you how intelligent he is? He's lying.
And for the love of god use contraception.

TellingBone · 13/08/2023 16:32

'...But it was a semi colon before a semi colon then and a semi colon in this very moment.'

🤔

MrsMarzetti · 13/08/2023 16:33

Why is this man near your child? Be a grown up and protect your Daughter.

salsmum · 13/08/2023 16:37

I really wanted to read the whole story but as soon as you use offensive words like 'retarded' I didn't want to read any more 🤬

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