Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My new bf is a monster

92 replies

Dontbedi · 13/08/2023 15:17

My bf is very intelligent. So when I tell you that there's been several occasions where he's made statements that have turned into arguments because of how IDIOTIC he can be, I'm at a fork in the road because of it.

One of the first ones that I can remember was about a tattoo I have on my wrist.
I got the tattoo when I was 21 in a friends garage, so needless to say, its not the most profound of tattoos.

But it was a semi colon before a semi colon then and a semi colon in this very moment.
So when I tell you that I'm a conversation with my bf about my tattoos, he goes on to say "I just don't know what you want to hide or why you don't just tell me the truth."

From there on we go back an fourth about this nonsense.

I ask him what he thinks it is then, he responded with "09"

🙄

It's apparently obvious that it "was " an 09 and I tried filling it in. .

When in reality it's just a shitty tattoo.
The guy dug me out and alongside the shitty tattooer there was also shitty ink and a shitty needle.
And i even agree it looks like it could very well be 09.
But the fact of the matter is it's not.

I haven't a reason to lie about something like this.

I'll include a picture below.

To this day it's a mystery why I don't just fess up to it.

Example #2

A few days ago I was getting dressed to grab some milk from the grocery store, and my daughter was not having a good evening at all. Shes throwing a absolute fit and he says he's gonna wipe her face since she's already freaking out.

I tell him please wait 2 seconds so I am not in the room to hear that commotion it makes me grind my teeth!

Instead of caring about how I felt. Or taking into consideration that's my baby.

He starts arguing with me whilst wipingherfa e anyways, and the words coming out of his mouth at the same time my daughter is crying so hard she's silent were,
That's retarded there's absolutely no logic behind your statement your an idot.
I said there's some things you just shouldn't argue with the mother of the child about.
And he took the baby wipes (the entire bag not one baby wipe.) And threw them pointblank pretty hard at my FUCKING FACE. in front of my daughter to make it even worse. .

This last week has been really heart wrecking for me, as I feel he isn't capable of Truelove at least not with me.

Because this isn't love.

I made him food the other night and he takes a bite and sighs and says it's cold.
No thank you. No itsgood.
It's cold. Thanks for half assing my dinner..

A different occurrence where I said why do you think it's ok to interrupt me like I don't matter. And he said "if what your saying is absolutely idiotic and retarded I will talk over you because your wasting my time I don't want to hear it. (how can an opinion of mine be wrong??)

Two nights ago I asked if he'd take the laundry hamper downstairs for me, and he said no to that as well.

Tonight I asked him to please kill a spider for me. And guess what.
He said no. Told me to do it. I said a relationship goes both ways equally. We both should put in parts of ourselves for the other one, and only them. That's part of being bf gf..

He told me he doesn't want me ending up like everyone we live with.
(He's the handy man in the house)
I said your GF is the only one that should be expected to ask you to do certain things here n there.

I said listen to yourself for real.
Your GF asked u to kill a spider. And your acting like i ask so much of you. As if I don't do your dishes mine and baby's.
Wash your clothes, the baby's , our linens and my own. Fold your clothes the baby's and mine. Put them all away (ORGANIZED TO THE T. TO THE Q. JEANS TO SHORTS TO GYM SHORTS ECT.)
He doesn't even take his boxers off his jeans, or the belt.

And it sucks because I truly love him. And I know that if he continues to think in this fashion I won't continue this.
I won't subject my baby to watch this toxicity grow.

What do u think. Is he a narcissist. Because he says I am.

My new bf is a monster
OP posts:
daisychain01 · 13/08/2023 15:39

You are putting your own selfish needs for a love life before your daughter. You've called him a new boyfriend and a monster and yet you're allowing him to have contact with your child.

you both sound unsuitable to be around children, and you should be focusing on your daughter's needs, not getting fixated on a bloody tattoo.

Andthereyougo · 13/08/2023 15:40

Why would you let your child be exposed to this behaviour? Why?
Leave or kick him out. Today.

UncleRadley · 13/08/2023 15:40

Don't kill spiders! Oh and everything else everyone else said...

daisychain01 · 13/08/2023 15:41

Seryse · 13/08/2023 15:32

He's a twat. You deserve better and you know it. Move on and be happy with your lil one.

The only person who deserves better is that poor little girl who has exposure to a couple of feckless adults without any choice in the matter.

The OP has a way to go before "deserving" anything.

HotPringles · 13/08/2023 15:41

The title of your post was spot on.
Why are you still hesitating?

Is he the father of your dd?

Luna42 · 13/08/2023 15:41

You and your child are in danger from a man who is definitely abusive.
Even if you think you love him please get some help and advice about how to end the relationship safely.
Please call or message www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
Talk though everything, confidentially and without him knowing as I think if you try to end the relationship without help you could be at more risk.

HotPringles · 13/08/2023 15:42

Oh you might ‘love him’(or probably more the man you thought he is).
But he certainly doesn’t love you.

He certainly sees you below him, and a maid.

multisurface · 13/08/2023 15:42

Why haven't you got rid of him?

Premfove · 13/08/2023 15:43

My new bf is a monster

Your daughter will be saying the same thing about you if you don't get her out of this situation. Assuming he's not her dad get her the hell away from this man.

porridgeisbae · 13/08/2023 15:46

I'd say that's really obviously a semi colon OP. And the quality isn't that bad at all.

He's verbally and physically abusive, please leave him. There are loads of guys out there that aren't like this. Being single is so much better than living like this, too x

Beaverbridge · 13/08/2023 15:47

Hes a wrong un and you know it. Get rid before he harms you or worse still your child.

OhYouSweetSweetFool · 13/08/2023 15:47

pointblank pretty hard at my FUCKING FACE. in front of my daughter to make it even worse.

I don’t understand why you are at a fork in the road. He should have been booted out on his arse the moment he did that.

CuppaCoffeeandCake · 13/08/2023 15:47

LakeTiticaca · 13/08/2023 15:38

I can't actually believe what I have just read. Why the fuckity fuck are you even anywhere near this piece of shit?
How can you like, let alone love, someone who behaves like this? Please God, for the sake of your daughter's safety, and yours, get away from this vile and disgusting specimen

Literally this. My god OP. How many red flags does this guy need to wave in your face whilst verbally abusing you in front of your (not even his!!!) impressionable young daughter for you to end this.
Now I’m sorry, abusers rarely start out showing their true colours, but this absolute idiot is at least giving you the decency of showing you what an absolute piece of crap he is at the start, so you really have no excuses here.
He’s been on the scene two minutes. Get rid. You say you love him, maybe try loving yourself first and foremost, and if you can’t do that then at least love your daughter enough to get this abuser away from her.

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/08/2023 15:51

LTB

webster1987 · 13/08/2023 15:51

Belladonna56 · 13/08/2023 15:30

I really hope he isn't your child's father

From the OP's post, I am guessing that this man is not the child's father.
Many cases of child murder have been perpetrated by the woman's boyfriend. I would hate for this to have a terrible outcome.

As concerning as his behaviour is, that's one hell of a leap!

Meatus · 13/08/2023 15:51

Poor child.

She had a mother who’d prefer to score points posting on the internet about a stupid tattoo than actually doing something about the abusive situation she’s being brought up in.

Do better, OP. There’s no reason for you to be with this idiot.

webster1987 · 13/08/2023 15:52

How is this even being questioned? He is a new boyfriend and is aggressive in front of YOUR daughter. You have no option but to end it.

Pinkbonbon · 13/08/2023 15:53

You call him a new boyfriend but then mention he LIVES with you and you LOVE him. What the.fuck.

Just get rid. Like, yesterday.

tsmainsqueeze · 13/08/2023 15:53

'And it sucks because I truly love him.'
I knew i would find these words or similar in a post like this - you're a mother and your child's needs are more important than yours ,put them 1st and get out of this chaotic and potentially dangerous situation.
Then use a bit more common sense when getting involved in any future relationships.

GG1986 · 13/08/2023 15:53

It all sounds very toxic and he is an arse who thinks he is intelligent. He sounds like my ex and he is an ex for a reason. Get out now before he grinds you down, this isn't how a new relationship should be, protect yourself and your child.

Fenellapitstop · 13/08/2023 15:54

Who's name is the tenancy in? Is he on it? Does anyone else live there with you? You know this is not a good relationship or environment for your baby to grow up in. What's keeping you there with him?

Jl2014 · 13/08/2023 15:55

Do you think anyone is going to tell you to stay with this twat? Do yourself a favour.

GameOverBoys · 13/08/2023 15:55

I didn’t even need to read the post. For the title alone is clear you should just move on and leave him.

Utereusbegone · 13/08/2023 15:58

Does it matter what labels you can put on each other? The relationship is clearly toxic and I'd be ending it

Toottooot · 13/08/2023 15:58

Why do you think it’s appropriate to have a man like this who is not your child’s father around her?