Tell me what your evenings look like with your DP

[becauseicanthatswhy]

I'm all over these threads just lately.

I'm not trying to compare but I am trying to figure out the normality of my relationship is ( which I'm gathering to be rather toxic having been in threads on here).

Particularly for those of you who live together or have been together for a while, what do your evenings with your husbands and wives/partners look like.

What do you do once the kids are in bed? Or even if they're aren't yet in bed but the day is generally over and it's wind down time...
Do you talk? Is there any fun? Do you cuddle? Put the world to rights? Talk about your day? Watch TV together? Go out?

My evenings are utterly, utterly boring. He complains he's bored but doesn't want to do anything? Doesn't want to chat, doesn't want to watch a film or play a game of any kind. Everything I suggest is turned down. He's bored but doesn't want to change it, so of course I'm bored. If I complain that he won't engage in conversation he tells me he isn't down for talking shit for the sake of it.

So what's it like at your place? Is my evening the norm?

Our evenings are very boring and are pretty much always the same. DS does to bed between 7.30 and 8. DH and I have dinner and watch an hour or so of TV to switch off. We then normally go our own ways - DH to the study, me to the bedroom - where we both normally finish up some work. I might watch some TV in bed or read. About half the time, I'm asleep by the time he comes up. It sounds a bit shit but it's very peaceful and we're both happy with it. I mean, we'd prefer not to have to work but we both have demanding jobs and have a small child so we need to catch up when we can.

That does sound really difficult.
In the week it's a bit hectic getting kids back from childcare and bath then bed. But after that we cook some quick dinner, either together or one will while the other does jobs like dishwasher, emptying airers but we chat too. Then we usually watch a tv series or film.

But on a Friday night we usually have a nicer meal together and a few drinks, listen to some music. Offload about work, family etc... Put the world to rights, as you said!

Sat and Sun we eat earlier with the children and then on the evening we might play a game, have a few wines, chat.

We're on the same wavelength which helps. Does he tell you what he'd like to do? Do you have shared interests?

We both have a couple of evenings off childcare a week when we go and do our respective hobbies out of the house.

If we're both in together we might be in our studies working, or watching a bit of TV together, maybe sit in the garden with a drink if it's warm. We tend to chat in bed and sometimes we'll have a bath together.

In your position, I would just get on with my life. See your own friends or pursue a hobby. Don't wait around for him.

@Loub55 it's always crazy in the week for us too but there's never a day where he wants to chill out with me and have a nice time.

What he wants to do is go his mates house and play Fifa, he's 52!!

It's awful because he often says the evening are the worst part of his day which is a shame as it's the only part of the day we are together!

We're both off tomorrow, he wanted to go his mates drinking at his mates not in. So instead he's going to bed! And his excuse is he's bored. I've suggested a drink but he said no (he would have at his mates and will any other time it suits). Film - no! Game - no! Deffo no to any conversation! He will sit there and watch you tube or play phone games all day though!

I think this is the thing, it doesn't really matter what you do but you both need to be happy with it. Which OP out sounds like you aren't. I think the PP suggestion of a night each out is a good one, esp if you aren't spending time together anyway

At the moment we’re rewatching Buffy The Vampire Slayer in the evenings.

Sometimes we watch a movie.

Two nights a week he plays nerd-games with his friends. Sometimes here, sometimes at a friends house.

When he’s out I catch up with the people I follow on YouTube and relax.

We mostly just chill out.

we get the kids to bed by 8pm, then eat together, watch a bit of tv, or he watches tv and I read or something. Have a cuddle, chat about our days.. go to bed together. We’ve never complained we’re bored in the evening

It can be boring. That's part of it sometimes, but what's more worrying is he's declining your suggestions. With my previous partners, it's usually been TV, chatting, board games, drink, cuddles, and if we don't have kids we are out of the house as much as we can so we have things to speak about. We also do our own things.

I'd go out if I was you, and get a hobby, and have something to bring back to the table. Recapture why you got together in the first place. There must have been some fun times doing something!

It sounds like he’s doesn’t actually want to second anytime with you, so do you actually have a relationship as a couple at all?

My husband likes a lot of time alone and I don’t but we’ve found a compromise.

I cook. We eat dinner together and clean up the kitchen together every night. Following that:

Monday-Thursday we do our own thing. I go to yoga classes, watch tv in bed, read books, get a bath. He watches tv in the living room, reads books or plays on computer games.

Friday he cooks us a meal, we eat it at the table, chat, have a glass of wine and watch tv together.

Saturday-Sunday evening we go out for dates or takeaway and movie at home.

DD goes to bed about 9. Sometimes one of us goes out but if both home, we watch Eastenders together, and chat for a little bit afterwards. He then potters off to do his ironing, shave, make lunch for next day etc, whilst I stay on the sofa and watch TV. Often he's asleep when I go up.

Saturday nights once DD has gone up we make pizza together whilst listening to music and having a dance around the kitchen, and eat it in front of a film or box set. Invariably one or both of us fall asleep on the sofa afterwards.

Very boring but we're happy with it.

Aww a dance around the kitchen ❤️ this sounds lovely!

Agree with previous responses, it sounds like a cliche but being friends as well as a couple - so socialising together (be it usually in the house due to lack of babysitter like us) is important.

I mean we go out separately with our friends a lot, but I'd hate to think my partner wanted to spend time with friends but not me.

When dc were little one of us would cook whilst the other settled them in bed then we'd eat together and watch a TV series.

As dc git older we all eat together then everyone splits off and does their own thing. We're currently all in seperate rooms and do won't go to bed til 9ish and still need to be settled (SN) after which I'll prob have a bath and read whilst he games :watches TV.

We don't spend any time together on a daily basis but often go out for lunch and havechats during the day between meetings.

Neither of us are bored, we both have hobbies and the dc are exhausting so when we're home it's chill time.

Still happy together and have same retirement wishes for if/when dc leave home.

We always eat dinner at the table together, then whoever didn’t cook cleans up. Often DP goes for a walk after dinner, and then we watch TV/read/potter on phones in the living room, sometimes he goes and does stuff in the spare room which is also his office. We rarely go to bed at the same time as he’s an awful snorer.

Per pp it sounds boring but works for us!

We're the same age and have the same appreciation for 90s dance music 😂

We watch a film all together or just me and dh if ds8 is upstairs or we might catch up on a series.
It's tv related as everyone's tired from work/school

I don't expect it to be fun all the time, during the week he's exhausted from work and I'm usually bringing work home. But there is just nothing, even during meal times -nothing other than conversations with the kids.

I'm just evaluating my situation and seeing what others do in reality. There is a lot more going on in the background but this is just something else I wanted to explore.

And it's lovely to hear what you all do :)

If I were you op, and you want to stay with this man (you haven't said otherwise), I'd just make the most of the fact that he just stays in all the time. Free babysitter. For it's not like you haven't tried and tried already to do something with him. He's not interested, nor interesting. So, I'd go out. A swim, a sauna, get a hobby,go out with friends, go for a hair cut (often they do late nights), the cinema, even just a walk.

As to what I do,I'm not sure you want my answer, because im single, but I do whatever I want. And I'm not bored, because there's a freedom and a bliss to doing what you want without a niggling resentment in your head.

We’re boring, but we’re both okay with that. Usually we read a book, as we’re weird and overly reliant on each other we read the same book and just take it in turns to read out aloud, if it isn’t a book night we’ll usually game instead. My husband is not a night owl, so come 9pm he lays on me and goes to sleep as he doesn’t want to be alone, so I then watch TV, play on my phone etc until I want to go to bed.

OP the problem isn't what you're doing or not doing in the evening. The problem is that your husband is making it very clear that he doesn't enjoy your company or want to spend time with you. He's being mean and unkind.

My evenings in with my husband are pretty dull, but it's a calm and happy atmosphere. Even if we're both off doing our own thing at opposite ends of the house, there's no sniping or meanness.

DP and I just moved in together. Previously it was cuddling in the sofa and lots of chats. Spent lots of quality tons together.

Now it’s tv on separate chairs and little chats. We do our own thing, but I moved to his area so getting to know people and social things. He still goes out with friends as I am at home.

my life is boring at the moment. He says we don’t need to be on top of each other but it’s boring as I know no one and he is still living his life

We get the kids to bed, which usually isn’t until 9:30pm. Then we tidy the kitchen and let the dog out. And then I make a cup of tea and we go to bed.

Honestly, that’s as exciting as it gets. Maybe once every 2 weeks, there might be a night where we watch something on Netflix for an hour and then go to bed.

Before kids, when we had whole evenings to ourselves, it used to be different. We’d cook together, watch box sets, go for a walk, go out for a drink/meal, but now honestly, there isn’t much I have enthusiasm for after 9pm other than going to bed!

Glass of red wine, dinner and cuddle up on the sofa and watch netflix. We go out for a couple of drink once a week. We spend all our downtime together, I love being with my dh. We will usually have a chat and usually be silly and immature. That is we like to roll x

We watch TV together, or play a game like Exploding Kittens. Or just chat. Sometimes we just sit together and look at our phones. Or he'll watch TV and I'll read.
It's nothing too exciting but we are usually together and sometimes the eldest DC will grace us with her presence.

Weeknights we have our tea and sit down in front of the tv for the evening. If there's a series we're watching we will watch that, stick YouTube on or watch a movie while DD sleeps on one of us.
Weekends are pretty much the same, however at least one Saturday a month we will go out for a meal either with DD or in laws will watch her for us so we can spend some time together.