Tell me what your evenings look like with your DP

[becauseicanthatswhy]

I'm all over these threads just lately.

I'm not trying to compare but I am trying to figure out the normality of my relationship is ( which I'm gathering to be rather toxic having been in threads on here).

Particularly for those of you who live together or have been together for a while, what do your evenings with your husbands and wives/partners look like.

What do you do once the kids are in bed? Or even if they're aren't yet in bed but the day is generally over and it's wind down time...
Do you talk? Is there any fun? Do you cuddle? Put the world to rights? Talk about your day? Watch TV together? Go out?

My evenings are utterly, utterly boring. He complains he's bored but doesn't want to do anything? Doesn't want to chat, doesn't want to watch a film or play a game of any kind. Everything I suggest is turned down. He's bored but doesn't want to change it, so of course I'm bored. If I complain that he won't engage in conversation he tells me he isn't down for talking shit for the sake of it.

So what's it like at your place? Is my evening the norm?

@LucyGru thanks, this has sort of given words to my thoughts here. I don't mind being bored, it's the atmosphere created that is the problem I think. With the boredom there comes a resentment maybe, I'm not sure if that I'm my head or if it's true. But to tell me he hates evenings and they are the worst part of the day, and with it is the body language of a man that appears resentful is making me ask the question of what it's like for others.

This sounds really sweet ❤️

I go to the gym 2 nights a week and 2 nights DH has 'games night' online with friends. The others we usually tidy round and do jobs while chatting then watch an episode or 2 of a series. We don't have baby sitters so once a month or so one of us will go out with friends. We often sit and have dinner or a cuppa together at the table and chat about the kids, our day or anything upcoming usually while the kids are watching TV. We do a mix of eating as a family and just the 2 of us depending on menu/extra curricular activities.

The young people have long since fledged and there's work etc ... But when we are both at home we always eat together. Then I practice an instrument/read in another room while he watches television/listens to music. Then we watch something together, ScandiNoir or Walter Presents or something. At least once a week we go our for a meal, sometimes twice. It doesn't sound exciting but it's comfortable and companionable. I'm sorry you are unhappy.

We definitely don't sit and cuddle - we have a sofa each 😂

We'll sit and watch a couple of episodes of our latest series or a film. Sometimes he'll watch you tube documentaries and I read. Or we both sit on our phones and largely ignore each other. If we didn't eat with the dc, he cooks for us...then my internal guilt at sitting whilst he's slaving over a meal makes me get up and do some cleaning or laundry after a bit, until he's dishing up 😆

But any silence is peaceful and companiable. And we do chat throughout the evening too, gossip or news or he listens patiently to my latest rant about Sandra from work (infuriating incompetent colleague, whole thread in itself).

Although we don't sit and cuddle, we are affectionate, so he'll lean down to give me a kiss on his way past to the kitchen or whatever.

We’ve got a sleep resister. We often take it in turns to do the end of the day bullshit with DS to get him settled. The other one has a half arsed tidy up. Then, depending on the obligations the following day we either just sit in front of the tv and scroll , or I do some writing or painting while he watches his sci-fi stuff. Or if we’ve not got an early start we crack open some booze and listen to some albums and chat nonsense about anything from holiday plans to Philosophy depending on where our minds are at. We’re both pretty intuitive about if the other one needs alone time, so sometimes we literally get DS down and kiss goodnight and head off to separate rooms. We’ve been together 10 years. We end up having a ‘date night’ where we drink and have intimacy on average about once a week. Holidays are different because DS gets shattered and passes out early so we have whole evenings with a bottle of wine and a more Romantic vibe. We’re both really content though, we don’t argue, we’re just a team getting through some tough years and we do a pretty sound job of it. We rarely go out, we do have a very cosy home and pretty garden though so we don’t feel the need.

My evenings are often spent alone as my dh is at work. On the few nights we have together we both got into a bit of a rut sitting flicking on our phones or playing games on our phones, we did chat when we went to bed though. We spoke about it though and have addressed it, it’s not perfect but we do the odd game, cook together, make plans for our time together the next week etc. The key here is it was something that we both wanted to work on and improve. It’s so easy to get stuck in a rut with work, kids, housework and routines. We both want to get fitter so have pencilled in some just dance on youtube for a laugh and hit the treadmill back out. We laugh every day which is important to us both and even when we aren’t engaged with one another it’s a happy and comfortable atmosphere. Your dh needs to step up and work with you if he really risks losing what he has. You are worth more effort 💐

When my daughter is here either she or I or bother of us make dinner, then she and I watch films together in her room for a bit while my husband goes to bed to read, then I go to bed with my husband, we usually have sex and read/cuddle for a while before bed.

When it's just the two of us either he or I make dinner, then bed at about 7, for reading and sex (we actually go to sleep about 10 - we are fairly early risers).

Obviously we sometimes are out seeing friends or something, but this is the norm when at home.

It sounds boring but we both used to drink and party much too much, so actually the peace and stability is lovely! And lots of time in bed, cuddles and sex really strengthens the relationship in my opinion!

Depending on the night we either …
while DC chilling/in bed we’d have dinner together then clean up the kitchen and watch tv/chat/cuddle up before bed. Or one of us goes out to do exercise while the other relaxes.
If the DC are at other parents houses we usually have dinner then make an effort to go for a walk and stop at the pub for one on the way back! Lots of chatting

Family dinner 6-7, I cook, he washes up after and tidies kitchen , then there’s an hour or so when we do our own thing 7.30-8.30 he writes, I read, or go for an extra walk with the dog. Between 8.30 - 10 we spend alternate nights with our problematic sleeper (10year old ) doing bedtime - takes about 60-90 mins. The other checks in with older DC - to watch tv, listen to music, encourage homework and if it’s me then I’ll then finish off any work for the day, and if it’s DH, he’ll write a bit longer. Then we rendezvous in the bedroom about 10pm with a glass of wine to watch something together. Once a week eldest DC does youngest DC bedtime for extra pocket money and DH and I might watch an entire film or pop out to our local pub for one or two drinks.

I’d imagine a lot of this might change depending on the age of your kids and when they are more self-sufficient, perhaps your ability to do more together might change. Do you ever talk about that? In terms of you both wanting it to be different and looking forward to more flexibility?

We don’t have kids, so weekday evenings tend to be: finish work, go to the gym together, cook dinner or one of us cooks and the other sits on a kitchen stool and we chat, eat dinner at the table, tidy up and either coffee/ tea/
drink outside in the garden with music if it’s a nice evening or watch whatever show we’re watching if it’s not. Friday nights are usually to the village pub for a couple and then back for a late dinner. Saturday nights we might spend together or separately with friends but usually out.

No DC. We get home from work, DH cooks while I do other bits of housework / cleaning. We eat, we watch TV together, cuddle up.

Sometimes we'll play a game and/or put some music on and chat.

Almost always go to bed at the same time and chat / read / scroll TikTok and share funny ones with each other / shag before sleep.

I think it's ok to just be companionably bored together sometimes, but not if it's every night and one party is refusing to do anything about it.

Usually just eat dinner in front of the tv. We watch series together in the week and films on the weekend. Only normally have an hour or 2 of downtime before bed once we’ve got the kids down. Some nights I’m out at the gym. Some nights he is out

My evenings are exactly the same as yours, and I’m really struggling!!

We usually watch a show or movie, quite often end up pausing to talk for a moment and some evenings can end up just spending hours chatting.
If we have stuff to do in the house we might get that done together.

We both like gaming so occasionally, usually at the weekends, we will play a game. Sometimes he plays online with friends and I entertain myself. But thats only usually a couple hours out of the weekend/week.

8.30: I start persuading DC to go to bed. DC procrastinate then want snack. By the time DC are in bed, DH has alread gone to bed cos “tired from demanding job.” DH then plays computer games / watches a movie on his ipad in bed. I go downstairs and read a book / watch TV alone with cat.

It isn’t what I’d have chosen but here we are 🤷‍♀️

Start doing your own thing at least one evening a week. Don't let the habit of you being the parent all the time while he goes out and plays with his friends set in. You sound unhappy, find something and do it or do different things but don't be available all the time for parent duty. See how you feel in a few months and tell yourself you have a right to be happy.

Dh and i have been together 20 years. We walk the dogs together and debrief about our day everyday pretty much then have dinner together. Then we might watch something something, might read or whatever but we are mainly together and will always chat. Like this evening I'm drawing and he is doing something on his phone but we are chatting as we go. We aren't very exciting but we genuinely like each others company and share each others sense of humour so we laugh a lot together.

I meant to kids are teens so they want to do their own thing most evenings and there's no bedtime routines or anything to go through.

Normally I cook dinner we both kid the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen.
Then he watches some rubbish on tv while go up and watch something else in the bedroom.
We go to bed, he goes straight to sleep and I usually read for an hour or so.
Boring but we're quite content.

DC are independent teens so no children to settle to sleep etc.

I get home either by 6:30-7pm if come home straight from work or 8pm a couple of nights/week if I’ve been to the gym. Sometimes DP has eaten and prepared dinner for me, sometimes not so I/we make something when I get home. We sort out the kitchen and then tend to find something on TV that we both want to watch for about 1 hour or so. DP games whilst I shower etc. Sometimes I still need to do work emails. I often do a cryptic crossword. Fri/Sat/Sun nights we cook together and I have wine, DP rarely drinks. I like it best when we watch things like 90s Top of the Pops, retro music that we both like that makes us talk about our youth. None of this is exciting but it is usually easy and comfortable. DP gets annoyed when I work email in the evening and I understand that, I work long hours and I/we need down time.

I work till 3 get our daughter from childcare. He comes home nearer 5 then I’ll feed our daughter, bath our daughter which he sometimes gets involved in and then he’ll cook dinner while I’m doing bedtime routine but he’ll be around kisses cuddles etc. when she’s asleep we cuddle and watch football or what ever he puts on and tend to fall asleep on the sofa together. Then my daughter will wake up and want to be in bed with me so he’s in the single bed before we know it 😂

We don't really do much, husband has a stressful job so he likes to come in and lie down and watch tv. One of us then makes tea, we do often sit at the table but he barely talks, would rather be on his phone. Then we watch a programme or two and I go to bed before him. I find the evenings really boring to be honest. Expecting our first child this year so I'm hoping this will help fill a purpose and keep me busy with groups and meeting new people.

My kids now long left home. With my ex when they were younger we could eat after work ,then he would play online games and l would go into bedroom and watch tv with kids...was very boring..he would do nothing with me or kids..hence he's my ex.
Me and my now DP spend evenings together when we not working different shifts..cook together, watch a box set or read books.. it's not very exciting but we are happy. We both also go out separately with friends or together.

Once the kids are in bed we eat, watch tv/films, chat about our days, or sometimes we just ignore each other and are on our phones. Weekends are usually the same unless we're going out together or separately with friends.