Tell me what your evenings look like with your DP

[becauseicanthatswhy]

I'm all over these threads just lately.

I'm not trying to compare but I am trying to figure out the normality of my relationship is ( which I'm gathering to be rather toxic having been in threads on here).

Particularly for those of you who live together or have been together for a while, what do your evenings with your husbands and wives/partners look like.

What do you do once the kids are in bed? Or even if they're aren't yet in bed but the day is generally over and it's wind down time...
Do you talk? Is there any fun? Do you cuddle? Put the world to rights? Talk about your day? Watch TV together? Go out?

My evenings are utterly, utterly boring. He complains he's bored but doesn't want to do anything? Doesn't want to chat, doesn't want to watch a film or play a game of any kind. Everything I suggest is turned down. He's bored but doesn't want to change it, so of course I'm bored. If I complain that he won't engage in conversation he tells me he isn't down for talking shit for the sake of it.

So what's it like at your place? Is my evening the norm?

We try to mix things up a bit when we're both at home of an evening (DH works shifts)... we'll have a quick dinner then go to the cinema, pop for a quick pint or have some drinks in the garden if the weather is nice. I like cooking and will have the radio on and a glass in the kitchen most evenings while I cook and he'll come and join me. And sometimes we don't do anything and order pizza and slob in front of the TV.

Different perspective because we don’t have children yet and have only been together 2 years but our Monday - Thursday generally goes like:

• Whoever gets home first has a shower and cooks tea
• Other person really appreciative and cleans up, then showers
• Reside to sofa and binge watch series (currently game of thrones)
• Intermittent jokes, chats or cuddles
• Lights off and DH always chases me up stairs to scare me, always ends in erupting laughter

Friday - Sunday look different:

• Friday is takeaway and couple bottles of wine listening to music. I find this is the night we decompress from the working week
• Saturday is a meal out and (too many) drinks afterwards in our local
• Sunday DH goes to his local with friends and I always cook a Sunday dinner of some sort whilst sipping wine and we’re asleep by 9

Dc goes to bed at 7:30 and we tend to do their bath time together. When they're in bed, we have dinner and tend to newborn DC2! We always have conversation & a laugh. We do tend to kiss and cuddle and we are always laughing. Just how we have always been.

Sometimes we can't be bothered with anything and I'll lay on one sofa on tik tok/Mumsnet and he'll be on the other watching a show.

So sorry your DP is shit. Don't settle!

We fortunately have similar tastes in entertainment so usually watch DVDs together in the evening - working our way through a series, or putting a film on on weekend nights. Typical old married couple!

This just brought a tear to my eye. Your husband describes my dad in every sense.

It really made me miss living at home with my parents for a split second. Shaving and making his lunch for the next day.

What a lovely memory.

No kids, so maybe not an equivalent situation, but on an average weeknight I’ll cook while we chat and listen to the radio (it’s my choice to cook; I enjoy it), then we’ll eat either at the table or if there’s something we both want to watch on telly we might eat off our laps while we’re watching. After that we’re usually either watching something together, or doing separate things in the same room - eg DP might be on his laptop while I’m doing something craft-related or puzzles or something, or reading. Or I’ll watch something while DP plays on his iPad. Sometimes we’ll listen to music while we’re doing stuff, or put on a podcast we both really like. Another favourite activity (weirdly) is watching the news and shouting at the telly to express our mutual displeasure with the government.

So nothing scintillating on an average night, but we’re not bored, we’re together and we’re chatting and enjoying each other’s company.

When we’re both in the city centre for work (once a week or so) we usually go somewhere for a drink on the way home and sometimes a bite to eat. Sometimes on a Sunday night we’ll collaborate on cooking a roast and then play a board game afterwards, with a bottle of wine.

Both get in around 6pm. I collect kids from childcare after work. DH works further away.

i wash up, plan what me and kids are eating. DH eats different to us so cooks own. DH will drink 4-6 cans of lager either in a separate room watching tv or up garden. Meanwhile im cooking dinner, doing lunches for the following day, washing up, baths, then bed times…on my own. DH chills, drinks, eats and off to bed, often snoring and stinking bedroom out of alcohol.

Do neither of you do anything outside of work ?

In which case, I would be bored too.

We almost always eat our evening meal together, but then do tend to go our separate ways, but that is because we both have things we are involved in.
I mean, we do spend time together - sometimes out, on joint activity; sometimes out with friends (that we know through some of the things we take part in); sometimes we'll watch something on TV for a bit, but no-one is wandering round being bored.

I've had 2 marriages and another ltr.

One of the requirements was it had to be fun and have great conversations. If that was gone, I'd be gone.

There was a period of time where my 1st husband just wanted to drink with his friends. We made up somewhat before he died.

My 2nd husband and I spent every day together for years and we always had so much fun together. We'd lay in bed talking to each other about anything.

It sounds like your H has checked out and doesn't seem to like you much anymore.

Can you take up a hobby or something social a few days a week so you don't have to depend on him for company?

We currently live overseas so our evening is generally a walk or a swim, then street food or a restaurant (it’s cheaper to eat out than cook), once a week we go out for drinks with friends, at weekend we see a movie or have a takeaway and box set night. We probably look at our phones too much too. On a Sunday we both spend a bit of time planning for the week. In the UK we cooked much much more at home and sat in the garden with a glass of wine and the fire pit in the evenings too which we both enjoyed but the rest remains pretty similar. We both love a good box set and movies. We don’t share hobbies but it seems to work ok.

After DS goes to bed around 7:30pm we just watch a series or a film. Often with a glass of wine or two, or a sleepy tea if we’re being good.
When we can get a babysitter we go out to a dance class together (about once fortnight on average).
We used to do occasional games nights which we’ve not done in ages. Will have to get back to that!

Our evenings vary, sometimes we happily ignore each other on the couch

Sometimes we talk all evening

Most work nights we watch TV

What my H doesn't do is go "I'm bored" and then reject every suggestion I make, say he hates evenings and is only happy playing computer games at his friend's house. No this is not normal this is a grown man acting like a petulant toddler.

I honestly just would run out of bothering OP.
Next time he said "I'm bored" I would just reply "yeah I know" or "yeah me to"
And walk away.

He wants you to be a performing seal that will never get anything right. So yeah he could fuck right off.

So sorry to read your post, OP, he really is making it clear that he doesn't want to spend time with you or as a family. I agree with others, focus on what you would like to be doing, build up your own interests and let him be bored, he seems to have checked out of your relationship and I'd be thinking about what I want for my future.

My kids are teens now, and have started a new thing of wanting to come 'have a chat' in the evenings, so we all have dinner together, then I sit and do my jigsaw and DH sits and watches tv and the boys pop in for a chat, then we all go to bed

Do house work / admin then have a bath & go to bed

Sometimes I go out or exercise

Don’t really do anything together with DH. Not ideal

My boyfriend has only been a boyfriend 9 months but we eat together and chat, do the dishes and either play a board game, fuck or watch whatever box set we are sharing… currently the dr. Who back catalogue. Now and then we go out for dinner on a Saturday night because I like to dress up. He’s fun, which I really like!

Once the children are in bed we generally read, watch tv, chat, cuddle or make love. One or other of us will walk the dog. DP always makes me my last cup of decaff tea and him a bedtime snack, and we like to watch the 10 o’clock news before bed.

Long time married, retired. I learned many years ago to do what I liked in the evenings because inevitably DH would be asleep in front of the television ☹️
I read, crochet, listen to podcasts or audiobooks, take the dog for a walk, tidy the kitchen, occasionally watch tv but nothing much interesting on most of the time.
I’m very rarely bored because I can always find something to do, often I go to bed with a good book and a hot drink 😊, easily pleased me!