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Original poster

He’s robbed me of my third child

87 replies

Havanawinter · 07/08/2023 23:17

I found out a few weeks ago that he’d cheated. It was a happy ending from a massage parlour worker and our relationship is over. We have 2 DS’s aged 5 and 2. We’d been talking for a long time about having a third child because we’ve both always wanted 3, it was just about when. I am devastated by his cheating of course but I find myself feeling surprised that I’m most bereft that I’ll never have any more children now. I’m too old to meet someone new and get to a position of having a baby together, and to be honest I don’t know how I’d ever trust anyone again anyway.

I am so full of grief for the future I’ve lost. When will it get better? I need some hope, desperately.

OP posts:
WunWun · 09/08/2023 09:38

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berksandbeyond · 09/08/2023 09:40

Kind of weird you’re more sad about a hypothetical child that never existed than you are for your two young kids whose life has just been completely changed by this?

Qilin · 09/08/2023 10:10

He made a horrid mistake

Asking a masseuse for a 'happy ending' isn't a mistake.
It's a very deliberate action, made in full knowledge of what he is doing.

user40463 · 09/08/2023 10:45

WunWun · 09/08/2023 09:37

But it wasn't even slightly relevant to the thread. The OP had already stated she has left him. And her presumption that the husband had confessed, which seemed to be a pivotal point in her thesis, wasn't even correct.

It was just a woman turning up to a thread where another (obviously upset) woman has been treated very badly by her husband and already left him, and suggesting she takes him backbecause he probably didn't mean it. It's disgusting and hurtful.

The OP didn't say anything vaguely bullying to her.

It doesn't matter if one finds it irrelevant. It's the Internet. OP posted. She responded with her opinion in a perfectly kind way. The following comments are awful. And suggesting someone "go get some self worth" is very bullying imo.

EAP · 09/08/2023 11:44

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EAP · 09/08/2023 11:52

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FoodFann · 09/08/2023 12:03

Sorry OP, I hope you’re okay.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/08/2023 14:06

Has this place been taken over by a load of trad wives and MRAs? Masseuse parlours are staffed by trafficked women. Getting a handjob (or worse) isn't a 'mistake'. Women are allowed boundaries and feelings.

And opinions are all as valid as each other. Some are wrong.

berksandbeyond · 09/08/2023 17:06

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You need higher standards

Hibiscrubbed · 09/08/2023 17:15

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Haffiana · 09/08/2023 17:43

It's men. They wander over here after they have wanked themselves off on the Sex topic and hit the Relationships board in an attempt to mansplain why women should put up with their partners visiting prostitutes:

What makes you think he has no respect for her? It might have been respect for her and therefore not wanting to lie to her that made him confess what had happened.

QED.

80s · 09/08/2023 17:53

our relationship is over
Sorry to hear that, and that this information is being ignored as if you don't know your own mind.

I knew I would only have two children as we couldn't afford a third. But I still felt emotional about it. It must feel so much worse when it's part of the betrayal. I hope that this feeling passes as quickly as possible so that you can enjoy the children you do have to the full.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/08/2023 18:02

Haffiana · 09/08/2023 17:43

It's men. They wander over here after they have wanked themselves off on the Sex topic and hit the Relationships board in an attempt to mansplain why women should put up with their partners visiting prostitutes:

What makes you think he has no respect for her? It might have been respect for her and therefore not wanting to lie to her that made him confess what had happened.

QED.

Well I hope they wash their hands first.

Wankers. Both literally and figuratively.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/08/2023 21:42

@user40463 @millymollymoomoo @Tigertigertigertiger @drunkpeacock 🩷🩷🩷

user40463 · 10/08/2023 01:34

No one ‘bullied’ unexpectedlysinglemum, they disagreed with her and explained why.

Yes, they did. Repeated uncalled for personal attacks and such from OP herself. Unnecessary. She's allowed to have an opinion just as much as you are.

user40463 · 10/08/2023 01:34

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/08/2023 21:42

@user40463 @millymollymoomoo @Tigertigertigertiger @drunkpeacock 🩷🩷🩷

❤️

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/08/2023 01:54

She wasn't bullied. And the me-tailing and derailing is shocking. It's not about you. It's mostly about OP, partially about the poor kids who have a scumbag for a father, I hope a little about the poor sex worker. But it's NOT about robust argument.

Do I think that the opinion that possibly trafficked sex workers being approached by married fathers is the 'least bad' type of cheating is valid? No, no I don't.

user40463 · 10/08/2023 01:56

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/08/2023 01:54

She wasn't bullied. And the me-tailing and derailing is shocking. It's not about you. It's mostly about OP, partially about the poor kids who have a scumbag for a father, I hope a little about the poor sex worker. But it's NOT about robust argument.

Do I think that the opinion that possibly trafficked sex workers being approached by married fathers is the 'least bad' type of cheating is valid? No, no I don't.

I believe she was bullied. You can think different.

Mothership4two · 10/08/2023 04:13

OP did you report the massage parlour?

Darkdiamond · 10/08/2023 05:02

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 08/08/2023 11:10

I will never understand why people want 3 children.

What is it about a third child that will bring you joy?

Whats wrong with sticking with 2 or if you want more why not 4?

You are upset about the situation and you’re blaming it on the fact you wanted a third, which must be upsetting but could you imagine being a single parent to 3 kids?
Even with a 2 parent family 1 child always ends up getting left out.

I would be thankful that you’re able to cope with 2 kids on your own and you’re able to give them both your time and attention.

Focus on the kids that you do have.

Mourning over something that isn’t going to happen is not going to help you move on.

I’m sorry this happened to you but it’s obvious you are a very strong woman and I know that you’ll be able to get through this and will be glad he’s gone soon.

Bit of a weird comment! Everyone has different and has a certain aspiration for what their family will look like. The best way I can describe it is when you've eaten 2/3 of your plate but it's delicious and you still have room for more. Once you've eaten the final third, you're full up, satisfied, enjoyed your meal but don't don't want any more. When I had two I wanted another one. I had the third and now don't want any more. This seems like a basic thing to explain to someone.

montecarlo7 · 10/08/2023 05:19

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/08/2023 07:00

If this is an otherwise very happy marriage is this something that you might consider working through in therapy? Just putting that out there.

I am also not with father of my child and feel similar about maybe only having one child and him potentially not having a sibling - like grief for both of us. What I am focusing on though is to be grateful I have my ds and to make his life as wonderful as I can and to try and trust in the process, while also planning to leave the door open 'just in case' I meet someone amazing to have another baby with or maybe even find my son a step sibling.

Couples do recover from cheating.

But how many recover from cheating with sex workers? not many.

montecarlo7 · 10/08/2023 05:22

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/08/2023 14:38

Yes but we don't know if it was a dodgy one like that- literally what I just said is that in some counties happy endings are offered by surprise even in non obviously seedy 5* international brand hotels - could have been this and taken him by surprise, could have been premeditated horrible brothel type thing we don't know. I'm just imagining the scenario with my ex, he was really weirded out we'd both been for massages in our hotel separately and obviously only he was offered that, clearly the ladies there wanting a bigger tip. Different to sex trafficking type scenarios. You don't know that it was this exploitation kind of place any more than I do until the op gives more details if she wants to, but she doesn't have to justify why she's left him to anyone. I'm just offering her a different perspective just in case she's left a marriage that could be fixed and robbed herself of the family she wants unnecessarily. I'm definitely usually in the LTB camp but not definitely so here.

Show quote history

Your standards are shockingly low. So he was taken by surprise because he went for a massage at a non-seedy place and they offered him a happy ending out of nowhere? He was so shocked he went along with it? Get a grip.

montecarlo7 · 10/08/2023 05:23

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/08/2023 20:49

What makes you think he has no respect for her? It might have been respect for her and therefore not wanting to lie to her that made him confess what had happened. (Unless she found out another way but I don't see how she would?)
I've never cheated on anyone but I have a friend who has - stupidly got flattered and snogged a fit younger guy in a club when very drunk around the 7 year itch time- and literally out of respect for her marriage she spoke to her husband about it honestly with a heartfelt and genuine apology. This prompted relationship therapy and lots more honesty from both sides about the state of their relationship, what they would both like to work on and need from each other and how they can both put effort in to keep the spark and excitement alive. A few years on they are an extremely strong couple and I think that snogging, while very wrong (and not as bad as what op ex has done) was a catalyst for their relationship improving and strengthening hugely. They didn't have more children but happily could do now if they wanted to. This is the angle I'm coming from, not 'op you should forgive and forget and be a doormat and let him cheat'

Show quote history

A drunken snog is a bit different from hiring a sex worker to wank you off.

montecarlo7 · 10/08/2023 05:27

user40463 · 10/08/2023 01:34

No one ‘bullied’ unexpectedlysinglemum, they disagreed with her and explained why.

Yes, they did. Repeated uncalled for personal attacks and such from OP herself. Unnecessary. She's allowed to have an opinion just as much as you are.

Where has OP bullied unexpectedlysinglemum? I can't see that.

I'm baffled by some of the comments on here.

montecarlo7 · 10/08/2023 05:29

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In the grand scheme of things no biggie? Really?

I get the distinct impression some of these comments are written by teenagers.