Affair

[Sara45]

I’ve been unhappy for a long time in my marriage. I’ve tried to work on it, done couple counselling, talked to husband about how I was feeling but nothing ever changed.
I met someone and had a fling. I told my husband and we’ve decided it’s be best if I moved out.
Im thinking of renting a small flat, so not enough space for my 3 children.
However I was thinking for the moment the boys could continue to live in the family home with their father and I will carry on looking after them as I do now and leave when he’s home around 8.

Maybe you should have thought about the logistics of this all before you embarked on your fling.
It's much easier to work together without a third person making decisions more emotional and difficult for all involved.
You sound like you want to keep as much as life as normal when in reality you crossed the line and it's actually never going to be the same now. It's not fair that you expect your DH to share his space while you get to have privacy in your own apartment.
Move out and create a new routine with the limitations you have.

@Sothisiit

You sound like you want to keep as much as life as normal when in
reality you crossed the line and it's actually never going to be the
same now. It's not fair that you expect your DH to share his space while
you get to have privacy in your own apartment.

That's probably true if op were to have this arrangement it's hardly fair on her ex, as he will probably want to move on and meet someone else, both of them have to think about the children and that probably means dating and not having live in lovers for quite some time.

A couple of years really for all the aftermath of this in a family.

the existence of children is the main issue here

their rights and needs take precedence over her husbands understandable fury

if a man cheats and yet he’s a very engaged father ,he should get 50:50

if Op is primary caregiver the kids shouldn’t be deprived of her care and presence in their life because she cheated

we all know that loss of a parental figure is a
major big deal for kids
their needs come first

When my exh had an affair I was angry too. Of course I was and of course your husband will be too. I think that is to be expected. No matter how 'dead' a marriage may be, an affair is never ok and displays a huge lack of respect for the other person and the marriage.

Him threatening to tell your kids is out of anger and hopefully he will realise that telling them things they don't need to know at this point will only serve to make him feel better for a short amount of time. I don't know how old your dc are but mine were 10 and 11 at the time and I told my ex that I wouldn't tell them what he had done but if they ask when they are older then I won't lie to them either. We told them at the time that we weren't making each other happy any more. They are 5 years older now and haven't asked any more details.

I agree with the overall advice that you need to see a solicitor before making any decisions but my exh moved out into a rental and then I bought him out of the family home in the divorce. I also took advantage of his guilt - why shouldn't I have...none of it was my fault or the kids so we didn't deserve lose everything as a result of him not being able to keep it in his pants.

Things are amicable now and we have both moved on but it was all quite bitter and horrible at the time.

Totally agree. The dc are the priority and one person having an affair whilst imperfect, is no more imperfect than one parent being overly pre-occupied, financially unreliable or emotionally needy. We all are imperfect as parents. That doesn't mean we lose the right to be parents unless there is of course abuse.