Anyone else's husband need to "rest" after working all day?

[GG1986]

Because mine does! He works from home full time 9.30-5 and tells me he needs to rest/close his eyes after working?? I don't do this, I come home from work(never wfh) and I sort tea, sort kids etc. Just a rant really and to see if I'm the only one who has this shit!!

I love a little rest/decompression after work, which used to be the commute and now we both WFH I try to time it so I’m not racing out the door to the nursery run but can breathe a bit, walk through the park, try to put distance between work/the witching hour. But if I can’t I suck it up, because parenting. It really comes down to whether you both get to decompress during the most frantic part of the parenting day.

I mostly wfh. It's a job that needs lots of concentration and quick thinking. Damn right I need to decompress, even though I only have pets to look after. However, I'm fine with 15-20 mins staring out the window, etc. Can't imagine neglecting my kids for an entire evening if I had any!

I’m knackered by the end of work. I go to the gym before work then the job is mad busy. When I log off I’m done. I do cook tea but that’s about it. I rarely do housework during the week. I’m too tired.

DH needs half an hour when he gets home but then he's out of the house between 4.30am - 6.30pm so I don't begrudge him a bit oftime to shower and chill out.

Our kids are older but I agree that the only downside of WFH is not having the commute. I loved that time either side of work to get ready for the day ahead/calm down after working but don't get it now I WFH so I finish and head straight for the gym.

Worked for me. He grumped about 3 days in 5 about me taking my own downtime.

Yes! It means he delays cooking dinner for us all because he needs to rest while I don't rest until DC are asleep. I also work full time and do household tasks during the day if WFH while he does not.

It is just laziness. Of course most people would prefer to rest but most just get on with life.

On wfh days yeah, he'll have 10/15 minutes sat quietly and then go for a 20 minute run to just escape the day. But on those days, he does bedtime and I have a soak in the bath/read/watch TV

I think it's healthy to have a bit of me time most days. As long as you're getting the same.

Seems fine. Seems normal to need time to decompress from work and something you should both want to give each other if you need it.

If you are resentful about the bigger picture, address that. Make your needs part of the conversation too. Don't resent him for having his.

I'm sure you would also find that you 'need' the rest if there was someone else doing dinner and bedtime at the same time

I WHF and have to log off and immediately go into mum mode. It's bloody hard and I definitely need a rest inbetween. I don't get that rest most days however unfortunately, but I can definitely appreciate someone needing to do so! It's difficult not having that switch between work and home setting.

So long as it's only 15-30 mins or whatever the equivalent to your commute time home is, I see no problem! Let him rest for 5! Obviously if he's saying he needs to rest and then using it as an excuse to do nothing for the rest of the evening and expecting you to do everything, then of course that's a different matter entirely and certainly not on!

10 minutes to regroup and then bring fully engaged with family life so that you also get time to decompress? That would be fine in my book. An hour long nap followed by slobbing on the sofa..... no. It's about whether you have parity.

I have the energy for playing, DH has the energy for bedtime. So I play for the hour or so until bedtime and then he takes over. Neither of us “chill” during the others shift, but we become the support parent rather than the main one 😅 Post bedtime, I cook dinner while he walks the dog. We don’t do a lot of housework of an evening.

Nope! Dh got up at 4am and dealt with life and death situations all day as he's a paramedic. Got home at 5pm and just gets on with absolutely everything he can - tidying toys with the kids, getting kids ready for bed, bedsheet changes that needed doing, milk bottles out, bin changes and more.I tell him to rest and that I've got it in hand but he insists and if I've had a rough bedtime with the toddler he'll make me tea. He's the best.

No way - it needs to be even as PPs have said. So if he needs that time then you get a rest 30 mins later.

I don't get to decompress after work as I have to dash straight to pick DD up, DH works in retail (set hours) so can't do pick ups. Our compromise is he does morning drop off while I get 15 mins to drink a cup of tea, then I hand DD to him for 30 mins when he gets in on an evening so I can decompress. We then both do bed time and he gets some free time once she is down and I usually log back in to work for an hour.

I have ADHD and sometimes if I am burned out after work, trying to keep my focus going all day and I've had awful sleep, sometimes yes I do. But I don't have kids to look after. I have to do it if I'm overwhelmed.

Yes years ago now hewoeksfr himself but let’s not forget this one , - the habit of ‘letting their tea go down’ so they get out of clearing plates, washing dishes or loading dishwasher. ☺️

Did he have a different digestive system to yours?!

Who collects the kids? I'd be tempted to build a "rest" period into my day too and stop and grab a coffee on the way home.

How long is your journey home?

Yes, my husband feels much better after 20 minutes rest after work.

Obviously when the children were small he didn't rest because he recognised that after a day at home with 3 under 5 I needed his help more than he needed to rest.

Now they're bigger, he usually comes home and rests for a bit. I don't begrudge him in the slightest because we both do our bit and help each other out as much as we can. He would encourage me to do the same if it was something that worked for me too.

I’m a teacher which means that during term time I work much longer hours than DH so he tends to take the lead on making dinner etc. During the holidays it’s reversed and I do everything so he can relax when he gets home from work.
I think it depends on your personal circumstances. If you work the same hours in similar fields with similar commutes then yes, everything should be shared 50/50.

Rest is absolutely essential to our wellbeing. Unfortunately we live in this toxic capitalist culture where rest is frowned upon. Can you make any changes so that you can both rest before the evening chores start? Something seriously not right if you can’t take time to rest after work.

I often go for a 2 hour nap after work but then I work in the NHS. It's manic and and I'm in my 60s. Your husband is aazy sod and needs a good kick up the backside.

@BLT24 op's dh had young kids so why should he get to rest so much? It's all hands on deck while they're young otherwise it's unfair on the other parent surely. Get the kids sorted and in bed then he can rest all he likes!