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Original poster

Guy cancelled first date but stil texting?

54 replies

Anomynousdragon · 27/07/2023 19:44

It's the first ime I've dated in 10 years so not sure how to behave.

Started talkigbto someone online dating about 2 weeks ago, exchanged numbers. Was supposed to meet today but he said he wouldn't be in town as he was WFH due to working late yesterday and being tired today. I figured he was just making his excuses so simply said thanks for letting me know and feel better soon but he is still texting me. Is it worth texting back or just leave it? I don't want to pester if he has lost interest and simply being polite but not sure I'm reading too much into it?

OP posts:
Ofcourseshecan · 27/07/2023 19:49

He made a pretty weak excuse. If you want to see if he’s worth it, you could suggest another date, within the next few days. If he bottles out of that one, I’d delete his number. He’s just keeping you as a backup.

Lonnnngsummerholidays · 27/07/2023 19:50

Ask him if he wants to re arrange for another time. If he hesitates, faffs around or cancels again dump him. His reason does seem a bit crap.

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 27/07/2023 19:51

He’s telling you who he is. Listen:

you’re worth more than that.

YukoandHiro · 27/07/2023 19:53

Let him do all the running. If he does suggest another date, let him organise it etc. If he backs out or that one or there's any kind of excuse/asking you to organise it etc then DELETE

HeddaGarbled · 27/07/2023 19:55

It was a poor excuse. If he was very apologetic and seemed keen to arrange an alternative, I might consider it, but if he’s just chatting, I wouldn’t reply until he puts his money where his mouth is.

SydneyJKL · 27/07/2023 19:58

Happened to me twice, a cancellation at the last minute. We kept talking, met for coffee...10 years later here we are! 😀

Ibizafun · 27/07/2023 20:01

Give him the benefit of doubt this time but definitely let him do the running. If he doesn't, there's your answer.

HappyToSmile · 27/07/2023 20:08

I'd wait to see if he asks for another date.
I'd also wait to see if he is still messaging you tomorrow, or if he vanishes overnight!

Original poster
Anomynousdragon · 27/07/2023 20:16

Thank you everyone 😁

Text him a couple of hours after he said he couldn't make with the feel better soon and he messaged back within minutes asking how I am and it's just that he finished late and I haven't responded. I get that things happen and I don't know him so hardly the end of the world just not one for game playing. Wish he'd just say where he is.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 27/07/2023 20:18

Be cheerful but not too available - as if you've made other plans. You're not left hanging because he cancelled.

By all means give him another chance if he arranges a new date.

Original poster
Anomynousdragon · 28/07/2023 14:39

He's still texting but no new suggestion for meeting up. Is it rude just to let the conversation fizzle out?

OP posts:
Dombasle · 28/07/2023 14:55

A bit tired? Oh dear! Block and find a chap with a bit of get up and go and leave wimpy chops to have his nap.

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife · 28/07/2023 14:57

Any time I’ve had to cancel something I’ve always considered it my responsibility to offer an alternative date. He’s not done this yet so I’d cool it slightly, and wait.

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/07/2023 14:58

Reply saying, if you would like to meet up let me know with a plan - otherwise it’s been nice chatting and take care.

Genevie82 · 28/07/2023 15:36

Sorry but move on OP, I would say he’s keeping you on the back burner incase another situation doesn’t work out… he should have rearrange immediately otherwise if he was truly keen x

Genevie82 · 28/07/2023 15:36

Yes, just fizzle it out x

BeBopALuIa · 28/07/2023 15:37

Could he be a catfish?

OlderandwiserMaybe · 28/07/2023 15:49

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/07/2023 14:58

Reply saying, if you would like to meet up let me know with a plan - otherwise it’s been nice chatting and take care.

I second this. Give him the chance to arrange a 2nd date but if he is vague or delays then definitely nip it in the bud and say so.
Dont let things fizzle or he'll always think he's got you on the back burner as an option.
If he's keen - he needs to demonstrate to you that he is. Anything less than keen is not worth your time.

2bazookas · 28/07/2023 16:10

Was supposed to meet today but he said he wouldn't be in town as he was WFH due to working late yesterday and being tired today

That depends what his job is. If he's in emergency services and had to work an extra shift; if he's a doctor and his on-call shift got called out half the night, then being off work because he's too tired to do anything the next day would be very normal.

chocobaby · 28/07/2023 16:14

Anomynousdragon · 28/07/2023 14:39

He's still texting but no new suggestion for meeting up. Is it rude just to let the conversation fizzle out?

I hope you have moved on from this one OP. This is the start of rubbish. There are MANY men on OLD. Just go cold on him or better yet put him here 🗑️
He is not keen and just using you to fill out his time possibly.

bjrce · 28/07/2023 16:26

Honestly, you said " feel better soon" but he wasn't sick, he said he was tired,
ie decided he wasn't making the effort.

To be honest, if he was that keen he would have made the effort.
Stop making excuses for him. You're asking is it rude to allow the conversation to fizzle out. He's not exactly full of apologies for letting you down is he?

If you want to see him again - just text. " I am heading out- I'll leave it up to you to arrange another date". Then stop replying to him. He's lazy and flakey!

Changedname23 · 28/07/2023 16:32

Move on. If he was interested he'd have been there.

PetitPorpoise · 28/07/2023 16:40

I'm for giving one more chance. You might not be the only one he is chatting to; you're a complete stranger to him at this point and there is no such thing as genuine chemistry until you've met up in person. Personally, I would find over-keenness more off putting at this stage than simply being a bit blasè. OLD is a numbers game; you need to keep emotions out of it in the early stages.

However, as PP have said, if he won't nail down a date or flakes again then cut him loose. You're not on there for a penpal.

SameOldTed · 28/07/2023 20:21

Thirding what Atrocious said.

write something breezy and polite saying to let you know if he wants to organise to meet in the future.

But don't let him fill your headspace with random chat/get tricked into having to overfunction "persuade" him to meet.

Presumably you've exchanged enough contact to know you are interested in FTF meet so there's nothing extra to gain from random sporadic contact.

samestyle · 28/07/2023 20:29

If someone cancelled and couldn't suggest an alternative day, I wouldn't bother chatting, and tbh being tired last minute is a lame excuse, not sure i would give a second chance.

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