Is this a bit odd? Or normal for online dating.

[Cupcake00]

Met on a dating app, although within a few exchanges of messages, we found out we work for the same health board. I have liaised with the service he works. Anyway....date one, we met for a coffee. It was lovely. Date 2, we were going to meet for food but I finished work too late so we ended up just having a drink. I bumped into him on a training day, had a coffee with colleagues. Date 3, we both agreed on meeting for a drink and a film. We watched the film and went for a drink. I'm not sure what happened. Film finished at 7 and we went to a pub. It was about 7.30 and he asked if I'd eaten, I'd had lunch. He asked would I last until the end of the night so I said I'm happy to order food. He then said he's a bit anxious about eating on a date, it might take a while to feel comfortable. I was understanding and said no problem. He then kept talking about food, and how he was going to get a takeaway on his way home. He was a bit fidgety and I sensed he might not be relaxed. I tried to talk but it felt a little awkward because i was sensing it from him. I wasn't sure if it was nerves. But you have a gut feeling don't you, when someone might not be interested. We were both driving so only had one drink, but I was open to have a soft drink. He mentioned food again. Again, I said are you hungry, why don't you order something light or some snacks. He wouldn't. It felt a little uncomfortable. There was a little back and forth chat but it was so strange. Nothing like date 1 or 2. I finished my drink and he said we can't have another. I wasn't going to suggest a soft drink. I thought this guy is obviously hungry even though he said he wasn't. We left and he sent me a photo of his takeaway. Then said we should have eaten. I said, not if you felt uncomfortable. He then said let's meet next week for food. I messaged to say let me know when you can fit me in.
He is off for 4 days and has planned to see friends. He mentioned his days off a few times and I thought I'd wait until he mentions maybe doing something. He didn't on a couple of occasions. He didn't last night either.
Anyway. Today absolutely nothing from him. It's only been 5 weeks of talking and 3 dates, but it was every day. It's so odd, he was very keen until lastnight. Even leading up to the date.
It's fine but I might have to liaise with this guy at some point. I'd rather him say he's not interested. I suppose it's going to feel uncomfortable for me.

He messaged last night apologising for answering my call yesterday. Firstly I thought oh know, I butt dialled him, checked and nothing to say I had called him. That was odd. He said I didn't reply to your message as it seems there was confusion over what was said, so if that's happening already, we should leave it, hope you understand, take care.
I just sent back. No, I didn't call. No confusion, I just didn't feel the connection during the date but it was nice to have met you.

Wow what a pathetic excuse! He wants to end it over some perceived ‘confusion’ about what was said? What was the confusion? Him not eating food? Oh how confusing indeed! What a weirdo lol.

You dodged a bullet there op! If he can get upset and want to end things over something so tiny as a food issue then he will never find anyone anyway lol. Although my mind is telling me that he had another offer and he has conjured up some weird non excuse to bullshit you with as a way out.

I wouldn’t have even given him the satisfaction of saying “it was nice to meet you”, I would have just said “No I didn’t call, no confusion, I just didn’t feel the connection during the date and the kebab pic was a total turn off for me but all the best and good luck”.

What an odd exchange! You handled it with class though and can hold your head up when you cross paths at work.

I would have guessed skint/ eating disorder/ insufficient communication skills to end the date graciously without committing to a meal.

After the last update I expect it was the last.

So many funny folk out there. Why make up a missed call and a misunderstanding on your part as pretext when he could simply say 'nice to see you again. I don't think there's a romantic connection there for me but see you around at work'.

Onwards and upwards.

Very odd! It's funny though I felt the disconnection. I felt uncomfortable. Nothing felt right about the date but I was thinking, just relax and try to enjoy. I wanted to leave as it felt too uncomfortable in the end.
I didn't add the kiss To my last post. So, I dropped him at his car and he asked for a kiss. I am cringing thinking back. It was so awkward as I was obviously feeling the uncomfort of the date as he was distracted. I did kiss him. All I remember is his mouth coming at me, you know like a fish with its mouth open. I am actually laughing typing this because there was nothing delicate about it. He said, right I might text you when I get home. He got out of the car and I actually said to myself out loud 'what the hell was that'. Not just the kiss but, completely shocked by the whole experience. That's why I put this post on, I just had to share my experience.

This gets even more bizarre op. So he knew during the date there was some ‘confusion’ about what was being said (apparently) and so as a result of the confusion he he acted all fidgety and weird but instead of telling you there and then or sending you a text to tell you later that he didn’t feel you were right for him, he decided to ask for a kiss and then kissed you (with his mouth open like a fish) when you dropped him off.

I’m guessing he was hoping the kiss might have lead to more. Even if something would have happened that night (which it didn’t), he would have dumped you anyway just because ‘there was some ‘confusion’ about what had been said’! But he decided to lead you on a bit more later that night by sending you a picture of his kebab (because he thought you really needed to see it) and then ignored you and dumped you 2 days later! WTF!

None of it makes sense at all. He just seems weird and childish!

I keep seeing him puckering up, coming at me in the car now!
Yes! Bizarre!
I think he was referring to my 'let me know when you can fit me in' message. I messaged that as it was clear he wasn't going to plan anything with me, or ask when I'm free. He gave off the uncomfortable vibe which in turn made me feel it.
It was all a bit confusing really. Especiallyas he appearedvery interested. I think it was inevitable that he was going to end it. I suppose my message made it easy for him because, to me, I didn't say anything wrong?

You haven’t done anything wrong, yet he decided to go ahead and blame you anyway for some ‘confusion’ he’d made up in his head. I don’t think it’s even the message about letting you know when he can fit you in. I think that’s a completely normal thing to say after he had told you about his plans (that didn’t include you) during his time off! He is just weird and couldn’t be man enough to let you know either there and then or via text after he got home, instead he said you could both go out for something to eat next time and sent you a takeaway picture - what a charmer!

The only ‘confusion’ I can think of after reading your first post again is that he may have wanted to eat something but was just saying he felt uncomfortable about doing so on a date but may have been hinting that you say “well shall WE order something then?” But instead he acted like he wasn’t hungry and then tried to make you feel guilty in some way by telling you he would get a take away. Either way it’s just a ridiculous, childish approach to something that could have been solved so easily with HIS own communication but instead acted passively aggressively.

All men I have dated haven’t behaved this way if we didn’t have food for whatever reason, they just got on with the date and thought nothing of it 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't think anymore about him. He's obviously strange. He's probably had someone else on the go too and has been weighing up whether to stick with you or choose her. That's probably why he didn't want to order food, in case he ended up paying for some for you too, when he might be dumping you soon. I think the kiss was a last ditch attempt from him to see whether things were actually going to go further with you before he dumped you. Either that, or he has an eating disorder and has rubbish communication skills with women, although, you mention he has kids so he must have had a successful relationship with a woman/women at one time (successful in that he managed to eat in front of her and conduct a normal relationship). It's his loss!

Also, he probably only got back in touch due to the work factor. He was probably scared of bumping into you again via work or what you might tell people about him at work. I don't think you'd have ever heard from him again if you hadn't had the work connection.

I think this was for me?

5.5 years yeah. I went on my last online date in October 2015 and married him two years later, just before Christmas. We have a little girl together and are really happy 😊.

It can work out but resilience is key. It took me a long time to learn that one, over and over again!

Aww that's lovely elen.
I have deleted my profile. It knocked me a bit. I had all sorts of thoughts processing since. I think I need to work on myself a little bit more. Maybe prep myself a bit better. I have also put on 2 stone so need to feel good in myself.

Feeling good about yourself is really important.

I deleted my profile a couple of times when I needed a break and then I’d go back to it when I wanted to. Obviously, very glad I did go back to it, but those breaks are important!