Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this a bit odd? Or normal for online dating.

63 replies

Cupcake00 · 22/07/2023 22:03

Met on a dating app, although within a few exchanges of messages, we found out we work for the same health board. I have liaised with the service he works. Anyway....date one, we met for a coffee. It was lovely. Date 2, we were going to meet for food but I finished work too late so we ended up just having a drink. I bumped into him on a training day, had a coffee with colleagues. Date 3, we both agreed on meeting for a drink and a film. We watched the film and went for a drink. I'm not sure what happened. Film finished at 7 and we went to a pub. It was about 7.30 and he asked if I'd eaten, I'd had lunch. He asked would I last until the end of the night so I said I'm happy to order food. He then said he's a bit anxious about eating on a date, it might take a while to feel comfortable. I was understanding and said no problem. He then kept talking about food, and how he was going to get a takeaway on his way home. He was a bit fidgety and I sensed he might not be relaxed. I tried to talk but it felt a little awkward because i was sensing it from him. I wasn't sure if it was nerves. But you have a gut feeling don't you, when someone might not be interested. We were both driving so only had one drink, but I was open to have a soft drink. He mentioned food again. Again, I said are you hungry, why don't you order something light or some snacks. He wouldn't. It felt a little uncomfortable. There was a little back and forth chat but it was so strange. Nothing like date 1 or 2. I finished my drink and he said we can't have another. I wasn't going to suggest a soft drink. I thought this guy is obviously hungry even though he said he wasn't. We left and he sent me a photo of his takeaway. Then said we should have eaten. I said, not if you felt uncomfortable. He then said let's meet next week for food. I messaged to say let me know when you can fit me in.
He is off for 4 days and has planned to see friends. He mentioned his days off a few times and I thought I'd wait until he mentions maybe doing something. He didn't on a couple of occasions. He didn't last night either.
Anyway. Today absolutely nothing from him. It's only been 5 weeks of talking and 3 dates, but it was every day. It's so odd, he was very keen until lastnight. Even leading up to the date.
It's fine but I might have to liaise with this guy at some point. I'd rather him say he's not interested. I suppose it's going to feel uncomfortable for me.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 22/07/2023 22:29

That is really strange behaviour. Do you think he couldn't afford a meal out? It's odd that he then played for a takeaway if so.

AssertiveGertrude · 22/07/2023 22:31

So strange ? You don’t really need this

Cupcake00 · 22/07/2023 22:36

Maybe he didn't want to pay? I would have paid for mine or split the bill. I hadn't eaten but was happy to stay out in his company. I was really looking forward to it and he sounded like he was too. I tried to keep the conversations flowing and I think he did too. Something just felt so off. He did check his phone a few times. Like I said forward planning with friends. Its just weird how he said layer about food next week. I messaged this morning to say let me know when and he has ignored it. Nothing all day.
It just completely knocks you doesn't it.

OP posts:
TheOwlChronicles · 22/07/2023 22:39

It wouldn't knock me.

I'd be relieved to be out of it before it began. Just raise your expectations a little and weed out weirdos quickly

Cupcake00 · 22/07/2023 22:41

He was far from a weirdo though. It was relaxed and easy, comfort and no second guessing. I know I shouldn't but I keep thinking what did I do? Was it me? I'm trying not to think that way but it's just bizarre really!

OP posts:
hev126 · 22/07/2023 22:41

Was he maybe hinting at you going back to his to get a take away?

Cupcake00 · 22/07/2023 22:48

No, i don't think so. He just said he wouldn't cook and he'd grab something on his way home. He was making plans for next week but didn't mention doing anything. I tried not to overthink but he hasn't messaged today anyway. How do we even know when these guys are being genuine? To be interested to nothing. Is that normal? At least say as I'm dreading bumping into him now.

OP posts:
Shapemyeyebrows · 22/07/2023 22:48

@Cupcake00 hmmm very strange. I wonder if he was actually starving but wasn’t really feeling the date so didn’t want to pro long it by eating with you, hence the takeaway on the way home? The pattern in his behaviour has changed, he hasn’t contacted you today which isn’t normal for him so clearly somethings changed for him. It’s whether you wait for him to contact you again wondering or you message him.

Ginger1982 · 22/07/2023 22:51

Could he have a food 'issue?' Maybe not comfortable eating in front of others?

itsyourrecordsale · 22/07/2023 22:55

I actually wondered if it's the seeing him in a work context with colleagues that has freaked him?

Like this is no longer online dating a random it's dating someone in a real life context and that's freaked him out as he can't be so easy come easy go?

Cupcake00 · 22/07/2023 23:06

I won't message him now. I messaged last to say, let me know.
He said he felt anxious but it's odd because he invited me out on the 2nd date for food, but I was late leaving work so I said I wouldn't make food.
I think maybe, he all of a sudden wasn't feeling it. That's actually fine but I'd rather him say, not ignore my text.
Yes, maybe the work thing. He didn't seem phased by it before.
He made out he was very interested. It's a bit strange.
I think I'm going to have to just accept it is what it is. Just quite baffling.

OP posts:
myNewName21 · 22/07/2023 23:07

He then said he's a bit anxious about eating on a date

this ^^ 🤷🏼. Nothing todo with online dating as such , just someone nervous about eating on a date or in front of someone new ?

ThomasinaLivesHere · 22/07/2023 23:12

It is odd. Maybe he does have some issue with food but then it was weird he asked you out to dinner if that’s the case. I do hate eating in early dates myself as you’re not completely comfortable with the person and so I can’t properly enjoy the food.

Cupcake00 · 22/07/2023 23:22

Which I completely understood and voiced. He has now disappeared?

OP posts:
Cupcake00 · 22/07/2023 23:24

I told him, I was too. I could completely understand. We didn't have to eat. I'm just not sure why it felt awkward (not only around the food) and he has disappeared now.

OP posts:
Shapemyeyebrows · 22/07/2023 23:26

Yeah I think the fact he’s disappeared on you means it wasn’t (just) about the food.

elenacampana · 22/07/2023 23:31

I honestly don’t know what to say, it sounds bizarre! If you see him through work, be professional - that’s all you can do.

AutisticLegoLover · 22/07/2023 23:33

Your gut is worth listening to and he's definitely weird. Please stop worrying if it's you because it sounds like it's definitely him. He sent you a photo of his takeaway fir goodness sake 🤣 With him checking his phone and being anxious I wonder if he's not actually single and you running late made him late to be back home on time which would have raised questions. Either way he's weird and you've dodged a bullet. It's crap I know but better to find out now that later once you're invested Flowers

Cupcake00 · 22/07/2023 23:34

Yes, I will be. Just a little uncomfortable. Also, everyone knows at work and I'm now embarrassed. I don't even want to tell anyone the story because it's a bit strange.

OP posts:
Cupcake00 · 22/07/2023 23:39

Thankyou 😊
Yes, I should stop worrying if it's me. I can't help but 2nd guess it. I suppose he's done me a favour. He was acting a bit strange with his phone too. All a bit strange. It's quite an emotional roller coaster this online dating!

OP posts:
backagain999 · 22/07/2023 23:42

It's pay day next week, what job does he do? Is he skint?

SarahAndQuack · 23/07/2023 00:07

I wonder if you changing plans on the second date has made him feel a bit confused? You say you planned for a meal but were then too late out of work for it. It could be he was just not quite sure how to read you after that, and was hinting for a meal but you didn't quite communicate. If you like him otherwise, I would give him the benefit of the doubt, given that you started it with the miscommunications.

OTOH if you get an odd vibe and don't want another date, no excuse is needed - life is short.

Gingerboy22 · 23/07/2023 00:16

One day without a message? Maybe you are overthinking this?

Time4achange2 · 23/07/2023 04:21

Maybe he's married/ got a partner who'd already cooked for him at home? Possibly why you've not heard from him in his time off.

GarlicGrace · 23/07/2023 04:34

I'm afraid my first thought, too, was that he isn't single. Partner was messaging to ask if s/he should go ahead and eat as he was late.

Anyway, weird vibes means weird vibes: not that you've done anything 'wrong', simply that it isn't working. Cut your losses and dive back in the weird pool!

Swipe left for the next trending thread