My partner is suspicious..

[Anxiouslife]

I’ve just gone back to work, it’s been 3 weeks. I’m a manager and I asked for help from another manager in regards to something and he was like “why couldn’t you go to female manager why him?” (I did reach out to her first but she was busy) then the same day one manager was off for half a day and my manager mentioned on a call his back and my partner began telling me to show him because he thought I lied about him being off today and he saw I wasn’t lying he was off for half a day. I was enjoying work but now I’m hesitant about who I turn to for help just triggers my anxiety. Although I’m doing nothing wrong

I took our boy out to the park when I came back he implied I had changed into sexy underwear to go out and then changed out of them when I came back but again he was proven wrong

He accused me of sleeping with someone when I haven’t because there is a video of a girl who’s face isn’t in it but her back looks like mine and again I had to reassure him I didn’t everytime stuff like this happens I tell him to stop and he says it won’t happen again and it does

Today I was sat on the sofa and I got a tattoo a year ago it’s a flower behind my ear stem says “me” and I noticed him constantly staring, touching stretching it trying to make out what it may say when it literally says me so I know that is the next thing “what does that tattoo say” (as it’s italic) so before he can come at me I got my tattoo artist to send me the screenshot of when I messaged him about it.

please don’t be horrible because this all already makes me anxious.

In the nicest possible way - don't you think that his constant suspicion and insecurity is a powerful contributing factor to your anxiety?

This isn't a relationship. This is controlling hell. You should leave him and get treatment for your anxiety, because nothing is going to get better with this man.

You don’t have to reassure him. He is being ridiculous and controlling. Unfortunately controlling behaviour can worsen once a woman is pregnant or has a child. You need to make plans to get away.

Hi, I’m unsure about the last bit of the first paragraph where you say ‘my manager mentioned on a call his back’ what you mean by that so I feel I’ve lost a bit of context there.

Your DP sounds like a nightmare to be honest, is this really how you want your son to be brought up to behave with his future partners? Regardless of why your DP is so paranoid (weed, previous relationships) it simply isn’t an excuse to make your life hell.

In all honesty, I’d run for the hills.

The taking your boy to the park and underwear changing concerns is familiar. Have you asked about him before? Or perhaps it’s a script.

Either way he is abusive. Unfortunately pregnancy/having a baby is a common time for abuse to start. Make sure you don’t save your MN passport, wipe your internet history and contact a domestic abuse charity like Women’s aid.

I work from home so he was around when my manager called.

he is being abusive. Can you, or he leave?

You can't possibly think this is normal, what on earth do you benefit from by staying with him?

This really doesn't sound too healthy. What do YOU want to do about it? If it were me, I might feel like I might be happier on my own.

This is crackers and you know it is. How can you make plans to end this relationship as it's hell and he won't change. Can you leave him or kick him out?

Yeah this relationship needs to end. Your poor child should not have to see his mother being treated this way and you absolutely deserve better. Your sun is learning what behaviour is acceptable and if you don't end this relationships ASAP could very well end up a controlling A hole like his dad.

Get rid!

This - he is the cause of your anxiety

Abusive and controlling and you need to get away from him. How dare he suggest you’re cheating etc or shouldn’t have a male colleague call you. He needs to grow up. I couldn’t put up with this and suggest you don’t either. It’s no life to live constantly being accused or asked questions when you’re just trying to do your job or live your life

Oh my gosh, please get out of this relationship! My ex did this to me. Weirdly, he kept joking I was always on my phone (which I was checking insta etc) and because I liked him I wound quickly put my phone away when he came in the room because I didn't want him to see I was scrolling social media again! Why I cared, I don't know! But he rightly got suspicious. It got to a point where I admitted why I did what I did but he never trusted me after that. I fell pregnant and it got worse and worse. Two weeks after I found out I was pregnant... he told me an anonymous number had text him a porn hub link and he was really worried it was me, because the woman had the same hair as me and a mole on her ass! It was almost laugh about as I knew it wasn't me! But instead he just went on and on about it. In the end I started questioning my sanity (had I got so drunk one night I ended up doing this etc, who is this random man, how does he have my bf number)! More of this followed, according to my ex I was sleeping and having an affair with multiple people. Whatever I said to reassure him, it didn't work. The relationship turned so toxic, especially after the baby came! It was only when he left, I could think clearly and realised nobody have ever text him the porn link and he was just a paranoid idiot, who had taken too much cocaine and drank too much. To this day, if I was to mention it he'd say I was cheating on him. Things got ridiculous when he accused me of having an affair with a guy called Ash on Wednesday! I laugh now, but it was insane! Ditch this guy and get our sanity back!

@Wolfiefan this comment! Wow, did my ex turn proper crazy when I got pregnant and had a child! Do you know why this is?

He is abusive and controlling and I would bet my last pound that he’s cheating on you.

My ex was exactly the same, I tied myself i knots trying to prove I wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was fucking other women the whole time we were together.

He is projecting and he’s abusing you.

In*

I did jury duty for coercive control, this went on for 10 years resulting in non consensual sex and SA on female child. Leave as soon as you can and father evidence if you safely can.

Gather evidence

He's massively abusive .

What's your living situation, in your name/joint names?

No wonder you feel so anxious. He's completely paranoid and isn't letting you live your own life.

Does he go out to work? He seems to spend a lot of time monitoring you.

If I were you, I would very secretively start to plan to leave him. However, you have to be incredibly careful with this.

What's your housing situation? At this point, I always suspect that the guy has moved into the woman's house and is asserting control.

Just know that if you stay, your son will be drawn into it. He will ask your son questions and use him to spy on you. "Did Mommy talk to anyone in the park? Does Mommy talk to anyone when she takes you to school? Is she friendly with the waiter, gas station attendant, grocery store clerk, etc.? Does Mommy put on makeup in the car after you two leave home? Does she ever say "I love you" to someone on the phone?" Save yourself and your child -- get out now.

Sweet fucking Christ. You know you have to leave, surely. You can't for a second think this is normal or acceptable.

Leave. Now. Before he hurts you

The man's a controlling and jealous freak.

He won't improve over time. Instead, he will become more insecure and controlling and it may end up in violence as is the norm for these grotty little creeps.

That sounds horrific. You need to leave or he does.

Leave. He’s abusive. Jesus.