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Relationships

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Do you think you should feel like your DP/DH is 'the love of your life' or that you couldn't live without him or is that just over-romantic nonsense?

91 replies

dollybird · 25/02/2008 22:56

You see this stuff in magazines/on TV etc all the time and I just wondered if other people feel like that about their other halves? Just worried I suppose that there is something wrong or am I completely normal if I don't feel like that?

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 29/02/2008 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clumsymum · 29/02/2008 15:47

Well, I do believe in the 'soulmate' idea, and believe that dh and I found ours, but I also believe that not everyone does find theirs, in fact I don't believe that there is a 'someone for everyone' And I can fully understand why someone should think it's 'bullshit' (such a lovely word ) if it doesn't happen for them.

But I recognise that dh and I are very lucky. We were quite mature when we 'fell together', had both had relationships before which hadn't worked out, and neither of us were 'looking for love'. But dh said he knew, within a few days of meeting me that he wanted to marry me (took longer for me, but I was much more cynical).

We are very much a couple. We like the same things in food, entertainment, lifestyles. We remember the same aspects of our childhoods, altho' we came from completely different backgrounds. We married not wanting to have children (he had 2 already), but independantly changed our minds about 6 years later (took a while for the conversation to come up).
Often we can finish each other's sentences (and could do very early on, when we worked together prior to becoming a couple), simply because we are of the same mindset. One of dh's colleagues says that we talk like one person, simply because we are so alike, because we believe in the same things, often have similar opinions, or at least similar ways of expressing ourselves.

To some people that may sound nauseating, and I'm sorry if it does.

Oh and all this doesn't mean that we don't have arguments, go thru rough patches in our relationship. But it does mean that we both want to work at staying together thru it.

And yes I could live without him (altho the transition would be very painful), but hope I won't have to, at least until I'm very old.

noddyholder · 29/02/2008 18:02

can I just say I agree wholeheartedly with Cam Why else would you when being single is so fab?It had to be someone exceptional to stop my sex and teh city years

Quattrocento · 29/02/2008 18:37

I think I was absent at the dentist when they did sentimentality at school.

madamez · 29/02/2008 18:47

My observations tend to sujggest that, in a lot of cases, this 'soulmate' bullshit is something monogamists have come up with to simultaneously drive themselves demented and justify appalling behaviour. Monogamists, while obsessed with enforcing monogamy on anyone who looks at them appreciatievely, often claim 'but he/she is my SOULMATE' every time they take a fancy to someone other than the existing partner and therefore decide to dump everyone and everything but the new partner instead of just having a quick fling and getting over it.

dejags · 29/02/2008 18:56

My DH is an infuriating, opiniated, perfectionist pain in the arse.

We have had many, many truly shite times. He has hurt me. I have hurt him.

As we've grown older, the intense love we have always felt for each other has mellowed and become more focussed on what's really important (being together, family, living life to the full).

Sounds cheesy - but we've soldiered through the tough times. I couldn't imagine my life without him, he truly is the love of my life, but it took me 15 years to figure it out.

motherinferior · 29/02/2008 20:32

I think also that a lot of 'soulmates' are in fact First Real Partners. It's entirely possible that if I'd gone out with someone personable at 20 and were still with them now I'd think of him/her as my Soulmate.

expatinscotland · 29/02/2008 20:33

IMO, it's not healthy to feel that you cannot live without one certain person. That's not love, that's co-dependency.

Or that your soul needs a 'mate' to be complete.

chankins · 29/02/2008 20:37

my dh was the first boyfriend I ever had ! So neither of us have much experience (except for during the brief 6 mo we split up when teenagers!) of other people. So somtimes I do wonder, when he is getting on my nerves, is he the love of my life, how do I know if I have so little experience of other men ?
But the truth is he's my best friend, he's given me all the things I wanted in life (well not the big house yet but we're working on it...) and I wouldn't be without him. I suppose the butterflies ect aren't there so much anymore, but I still look forward to spending time with him, and he still makes me laugh every day, so I guess he is my soulmate then.

madamez · 29/02/2008 20:45

MotherINferior: I think you are absolutely right about that. I also think that some people regard whoever they marry as The One because this person is the first nice partner after a string of loonies and losers.

motherinferior · 29/02/2008 20:47

Actually Mr Inferior is the first nice partner I've ever had . He has many lovely qualities, soulmatiness aside .

rantinghousewife · 29/02/2008 20:48

Lmao at madamez, yes I think there is more than a grain of truth in that statement.

Blandmum · 29/02/2008 20:48

He is the love of my life, but I will have to live without him.

The wild madness of the early days isn't there in the same way, it can't be. In the end you have to get out of bed and do the dishes and put the bin out

motherinferior · 29/02/2008 20:49

Oh MB, I do actually make an exception in your case .

expatinscotland · 29/02/2008 20:51

My mother went to a man's funeral today.

The widow is a long-time friend of hers.

She and her husband were high school sweethearts who married at 17.

The man was 62, went to get up from his chair to fetch a drink, and fell back down in the chair, dead of a heart attack.

Jan is devestated, but she will go on living.

It happens all the time. The love of one's life passes on, and the other lives.

Blandmum · 29/02/2008 20:52

'The good news Mr Bish is that you have ben voted MN Soumate of the year.

The bad news it was just a sympathy vote'

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