Do you think you should feel like your DP/DH is 'the love of your life' or that you couldn't live without him or is that just over-romantic nonsense?

[dollybird]

You see this stuff in magazines/on TV etc all the time and I just wondered if other people feel like that about their other halves? Just worried I suppose that there is something wrong or am I completely normal if I don't feel like that?

Dollybird -its not always easy, and i don't want to sound smug. I think I am very lucky that i met 'the one' and also that i had experienced enough duff relationships to appreciate it and him.
Yes, being honest there are some advantages to being apart -I spend more time on MN for example, I cook what i like to eat and don't have to get up at 6am to make packed lunches! BUT I would have him home in preference to all that! I love my own space with everyone else (parents/friends/siblings) -but not my DH.
My sister tragically lost her husband last sept-in similar circumstances to 'MummytoT andF' and I know she would echo what she said in her post -BUT she still has thoughts from time to time like'Isn't it nice to have so much wardrobe space!'
Don't know if that helps much-but i think on balance if you want to be with him more than you don't something must be right.

Dollybird
My DH is often away on business and I enjoy being alone for a while. I can slob about all mornign on MN without feeling guilty and raid the DCs sweetyjar without him smirking at me. It is ok to feel like that. What would be bad, would be if he came back from a week away and you wanted rid of him right away.

There is a lot of nonsense in magazines and on TV that creates false expectations. If you believe the Mills and Boons romances then you are going to be disappointed with a RL partner.

One of my friends is pregnant and has absolutely not help from her DH with their 3.5yo, the household, shopping, anything. He thinks it is ok to spend the little money they have going skiing and recently bought a 600euro skioutfit. After I have chatted to her, I always want to go and give my DH a big hug.

This is what I mean with the mundane daily chores and the way you and your DH treat each other. That is much more important than feeling all fluttery.

I have only read the op so bear with me.

I think if you do feel that strongly then its not normally a constant - that it ebbs and flows. After all, there are going to be other things on your mind on a day to day basis, whatever those things may be (children, work, parents, friends, etc etc).

There was a male friend who once confided in me that he'd never felt strongly about anyone and had always wanted that rush of love to hit him as he walked through the door to his girlfriend and he was 35 and still looking to experience that emotion.

And as we all know there are folks who experience emotions really strongly and in huge variety from day to day or hour to hour.

I believe it depends on how you're wired.

I know that at times of balance, when I've had plenty of sleep, when I'm feeling healthy and have had a good day, I can EXPRESS more love towards my DP as I'm not tangled up in myself. At other times, when say I've got PMT or something is worrying me I can just find myself being irritable and honestly, he is being the same man in either situation, so it all comes down to me.

Sorry I'm rambling, but those are my thoughts, for what they're worth. I don't think you should beat yourself up if you don't feel a strong emotion that you're perceiving others to be going through. Everyone is different and we can all take our happiness in different shapes and sizes.

Also-been thinking about this!- i think too much emphasis gets placed on 'the occasions' -valentines day, anniversaries etc. Yes it is nice to get/do stuff but it is every day that matters not'did he remember?'how much did he spend?' We have had times where we BOTH forgot our wedding anniversary! It didn't matter, we just went out for a meal another time. I think people can build unrealistic expectations (fueled by media etc) and get let down unnecessarily.

DH and I went out for a meal last night. Nothing special just because my mum could sit for us. And it was lovely because we got to sit and talk. I asked him whether he'd be interested in me if we met as strangers now. He said he would. And so did I. Not because he's drop dead gorgeous. But because he's intelligent and funny and passionate about things. So maybe we are soulmates in a way?

Having said that I'd love to feel that rush of passion again.

It was weird with DH. The first time we met it was almost instant that we just 'knew' .We were at college and went through a bit of ordeal when at uni etc as we both knew we would get married, have kids etc but regretted we'd met so young and not got the chance to 'play the field' iyswim.

We discussed taking a 6 month break, no questions asked, but couldn't bear to. I'm glad we didn't but do wonder sometimes...

some days he is the 'love of my life'..others he is a 'complete twat silly person'...i think that is normal!

Some days i couldn't live without him..other days i defintely could.

it makes it all a bit more exciting.

i dont have a mills n boon heart throb lob on r him all te time andi think that ons definition of love changes.

my dh was tosser supreme in 2006 ad i tend t post on mumnset about his tosser episodes becuase its not like me to get so emotionally awed that i would post the nice things.

my dh bought me flowers from the co-op on valentines day - tosser!!!!!!

my dh gets up at 5am every monday becuase heneeds an extra 1/2 hour to iron the kids uniforms therefore i dont have to do it orget up early - awwwwwww

my dh didn't turn the tely down when i was on the phone and this got confused and i was v. upset ( last night) thinking i had paid for 2 mothers day bouqets to be delivered in A-Rpil!! and i thought twat much rude of mr custy and told him so.
Mr custy then sorted mothers day bouquets out for me v. easily and calmed me down and made me a brew.

MR custy ddnt take recycling out AGAIN ( shall kill him)

mr custy did cook tea last night though.

its give and take innit

lol custardo's swings and roundabouts view of lurrrve

Pretty much the same. Very much in love with dp, but not so far down the road of cibnderella fairy stories as to believe I couldn't live without him. Yet having him in my life does make me very happy.

I used to be very cynical thinking that all-encompassing love affairs were simply not for me. Previous relationships were very different from this one. I only had 2 previous boyfriends and in each case I was very distant, didn't have very strong feelings for them etc. I thought that was the norm and I was just a dried up old ratbag not feeling strongly about love.

It really was a coup de foudre moment meeting dp, and years later still have that very strong feeling of attraction, passion and love, also a very strong feeling of like - as well as my dp he is also a great friend and knows my ways better than anyone. We also have a lot of fun together.

So all in all he has enriched my life immeasurably. But, in all that, I still want to brain him when he does stupid stuff like forget to put the bins out etc.

overly-romantic codswollop

...in answer to OP

I could live without him that is just a fact but I wouldn't want to.i adore him and we are just right together have been together 15+years and still feel the same We do the same things we always have and I feel as excited to see him now as I ever was.He has a weekend off and I am so happy.Don't know how it happened though as my ex was a wa**er

I firmly believe in soul mates, and I feel SO lucky to have found mine (kissed a few frogs mind you!). I also believe that not every one is luckly enough to find their soul mate in time, which can lead to settling for 2nd best, esp when the bio-clock is sounding like Big Ben (as per friends experience). After nearly 14 years my tummy flips when I hear his key in the door, and like ALL blokes, he drives me mad (threw a coffee cup at him last month!) BUT we've been thru so much, I'm not worthy of him (will NEVER tell him that). It's a grown-up love now, not the steamy romantic stuff from way back, but it's all good. I would learn to live without him for my kids sake, but not my own IF I had to. He's my Rhett Butler! (yeah yeah pass the bucket!)

Ooh interesting thread

I have never believed in Soulmates, or lifelong loves. I actually think keeping a relationship going for years is very very difficult. Not least because we crave excitement and more often than not relationships do become boring or static or just damn hard work.

However I was in a relationship for 12 years and I think I was there maybe 6 years longer than I should have been but I had an idea that you should work hard and keep things going. Now I am out of it (yes I finally left) and with another man (who I left the ex for)I can see clearly that the person I was with before was totally wrong for me but that also we had a few good years at the begining which I am glad I experienced.

People who talk about Soulmates really irritate me because I think they are very blinkered if they think their soulmate is going to be in the local pub/club/park... what if he's in Australia or Asia? It seems such a silly idea to me.

Now that I have a new boyfriend, new house and a difficult break-up behind me I KNOW I can survive on my own. I just know that I would be unhappily surviving on my own had I not met the wonderful man I am with now.

It may all go wrong in the future, we may one day irritate the f**k out of eachother but for now he's the one I love and the one I want to live with

...well he is the love of my life (although I didn't always know it!)...I could live without him...but don't want to..I get the warmth sometimes..and I'm a realist/romantic...I know he farts but I find it endearing

i thin k relationships go through many stages it show you deal with them and how you bring things back into your life

my dp and i have had many times where we could easily have seperated

first get togtehr its lustful and new

then first row then your at comfort zone then problems begin

its how you solve these problems and how you aim to make things better sitting back and not doing anything will make no change

not so long ago we were really bad and i thought i could not take any more didnt like him wanted out

stood back realised iw was moaning alot unhappy no confidence

had lots of lovely advise from ladies on here

made effort and we are in love all over again my confidence is soaring were laughing again loving again and it is as you would say fairy tale

but it will change again and always will its when you feel you have nothing left to give you know it wont go anywhere and when the respect for each other crosses the line no going back

i sometimes cry as i never thought it would be so hard but for everything good in your life you have to work for it and its the same in relationships unfortunatly we all change and sometimes not for the best we have to see this and change it

my dp is loving the new me and i'm loving the new him and wake up every morning with a smile on my face and loving this while it lasts

I always had faith that I'd meet Mr Right one day and consequently left a few broken hearts behind me as I couldn't see the point of hanging around once you knew you couldn't spend the rest of your life with someone, much as you loved them. After a great many frogs, DH came along at exactly the right time (and we were only 21!)
He is very much my other half, I talk to him in my head when he's not around, I even miss him in a strange way when I'm pregnant because he can't share it 100%. We both try very hard to be kind to each other, not hold grudges/punish, count blessings and we hardly ever argue, just squabble a bit - all of which takes work.
Can't believe we've been together 10yrs and more in love than ever.
Sorry, I do sicken myself sometimes.

Yes i do. Sometimes he drives me up the wall, and im sure i do the same to him. We bicker and argue and have done since the day we met. He is away a lot ( forces) so i know i could easily live without him. We have had a lot of ups and downs including seperating for a few months. But at the end of it all we love each other a lot, but sometimes life gets in the way. At the momment things are better than they have been in years and its almost like when we first got together those 10 years ago!

My Dh is the only man I would ever wish to be with ( and I kissed a lot of frogs). When I met him I knew really quickly and he propsed on his 20 th birthday so he knew too.
We have been togeher for 19 years and of course we have to work at our relationship.
But he is the one. I have no doubt.
We're very lucky. It doesn't happen all that often .

My dh is definitely the love of my life. I knew very quickly that I felt differently about him than I had about any previous boyfriends and he felt the same.

I don't doubt that I could live without him if I absolutely had to (and since he is 20 years older, the odds are that I will have to one day) but I'm sure that life would be much less colourful and joyful without him in it.

I don't know if you "should" feel like that but I know I'd rather feel this way than not.

Blimey - made the newsletter!

By spooky coincidence my ex-h tried to contact me yesterday through friends reunited for the first time in nearly ten years. Made me remember everything that was WRONG about that reltionship and remember all the better things about my relationship with DH. Do you think someone's trying to tell me something??