Do you think you should feel like your DP/DH is 'the love of your life' or that you couldn't live without him or is that just over-romantic nonsense?

[dollybird]

You see this stuff in magazines/on TV etc all the time and I just wondered if other people feel like that about their other halves? Just worried I suppose that there is something wrong or am I completely normal if I don't feel like that?

hi, I was married before and until i met my partner now (of 7 years who I will marry in september) I did not know the difference between that last relationship and love.
I am independent woman but know he is my backbone and supports me no matter what and loves and cares for me more than I could have hoped for

This 'soulmates' business is bullshit: anyone attractive and civilised will do, really. It's just a matter of who happens to be around and available when/if you reach a stage in your life when stable couplehood is what you want.
LEt's not forget that couplehood is not what everyone wants, anyway, some people would rather remain single, others would prefer to live in groups or tribes.

DP is the love of my life, along with ds now of course, but it is a different kind of love. I could live without DP but I would not be the person I am today and only in my worst nightmares is this the scenario. Without sounding soppy (which we are really not, we don't hold hands/kiss/cuddle in public or anything) but we say "love you" to each other every day, always a kiss goodnight and we talk on the phone probably 2 or 3 times during the day (except when we are together of course, that would be daft otherwise!).

A loving relationship evolves and grows as times and set-ups change, you learn how to end an argument, how to avoid an argument and what pleases each other. In our relationship there is lots of "give and take", "swings and roundabouts" etc etc but which means we are equal in the end.

I love your post madamez. As someone once said "you marry the person you happen to be standing next to when you decide to get married".

Having said that, I do rather feel that dp is the love of my life. These things are mysterious.

I like to think of it like in Captain Correlli's Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres:

"Love is not breathless, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No don't blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being 'in love', which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away... Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

That's how I think you feel in a long term committment to your partner years down the line. Not what magazines, films etc. show.

Totally agree with Madamez.

oooh you're harsh, but fair, MI

I personally like what Carnemere said, very apt

It does help if you feel that way.
A lifetime is an awful long time to spend with
someone you think is 'alright'.

Agree with what's been said by others:
Neither dw nor I need each other
but we really quite insistantly want each other.

Whoever said it was a lifetime, DJ?

I agree with ladidadi i feel like that but i know i could i just really wouldn't want to

Ah yes.
I am happily married for 19 years to a gorgeous man who I love and who loves me. We have been through some dreadful times together but have three gorgeous children and a life which has its difficulties but which is wonderful nonetheless because of what we have together. He is the man I should be with, the man I want to be with.

Bullshit?
If you like.
Seems to be working for us though - so call it what you will

I used to live with someone whom I thought I couldn't live without. He left me. I thought I would die, I really did, I thought my life was over, I'd have walked over broken glass barefoot to have him back.

And guess what...I survived. I met someone else, eventually. Who left me, three years later, and once again I was in pieces and wanting quite seriously to die and slowly working my way back to functioning.

I am never, ever, making that stupid bloody mistake again.

Answer to the title: I think its vital otherwise why would you bother

Apologies. Suppose I am being idealistic, MI.

I made those vows only quite recently
so still feel somewhat bound by the 'til death do us part' bit.

Cashncarry??

Oh, I live with a perfectly lovely man, DJ, and our children are quite blissful. I'm just not convinced about the Soulmate bit !

You bother because it's very convenient to have a co-parent to share all the parenting and finances and household stuff and family activities with, and to have someone to shag, someone to cook you dinner, someone to laugh with or chat to about your day. I am very happy with my DP, really, but have never ever thought of him as the love of my life or a soulmate. I could quite easily imagine living without him.

snap, MI

When I saw DH for the 1st time I sort of knew he was the one and strangely he had the same.

Also I nearly lost him in a freak accident and 2 and a half years down the line I am still so gratefull to have him around! Also very proud how he is coping with his disabilites as most people would not have coped as he does!

As most things I could live without him but he is not replacable!! (dont think there is another man in the world who would put up with me and keeps me on my toes!)

Well, themildmanneredjanitor, I like living with DP. We are happy, that's why I am with him. He's a good partner and an excellent father. I have had the best sex of my life with him (though admittedly mostly pre-children). it's fine. but he's not a soulmate.

MMJ, I suggest you read my post above. I was bloody heartbroken. I got over it. And learned a few things in the process.

My partner means the world to me. When we met there was an instant spark even though all the odds were against us being together.

Before I found him I didn't believe in this notion of 'the one', but I am converted.

My DP is my soulmate, my everything and my heart aches, when I think he wouldn't be with me.

We've been through so much together, had the fiercest rows (even with each other), braved so much to make it happen and here we are...getting married in 2 months time.

Yes, he drives me up the wall sometimes and I'm sure my weasel ways around the house annoy him...but there's such a deep connection between us, which I've never known before.

For the first time in my life, I feel that being with him I've arrived at a (emotional & mental) place, I feel comfortable.