Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

27m dating 18f?!?!

67 replies

Lafoosa · 18/07/2023 18:52

So my ex recently told me he's in love with a woman, which in most cases I'd be happy for him as it means he's finally stopped trying to get back with me.

However, the "woman" in question has literally only just turned 18. He's 27 with 3 kids, and I think it's totally inappropriate that he's even perusing a teenager.
I'm not being unfair am I? It seems a bit predatory to go after someone as soon as they turn 18.

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 18/07/2023 18:58

He is an ex - so obviously it’s up to him who he dates.
Inappropriate - not sure. I’d probably call it pathetic. He clearly just wants to have a relationship where he is with someone who isn’t really his equal - not in life experiences, not in confidence, etc.
It isn’t likely this ‘relationship’ will last - lifestyle of an 18yo and a father of 3 - aren’t very compatible.

RachelTopliss · 18/07/2023 19:23

When I was 19 I went out with a 27 year old, he was two months off being 28. It didn't seem a problem.

EarthSight · 18/07/2023 20:11

Yes - count yourself lucky that he's an ex. He's most ikely one of those men who search for 'barely legal' on porn websites. When this girl has the audacity to show a few wrinkles (given that they will actually last until she's 27), she will most likely be traded in for a younger model.

When I was about 19, we would have thought it was weird and a suspect if boys our age was dating a 17 year old, never mind anyone older than that. At that age, a year or two is very large.

hev126 · 18/07/2023 21:34

MMmomDD · 18/07/2023 18:58

He is an ex - so obviously it’s up to him who he dates.
Inappropriate - not sure. I’d probably call it pathetic. He clearly just wants to have a relationship where he is with someone who isn’t really his equal - not in life experiences, not in confidence, etc.
It isn’t likely this ‘relationship’ will last - lifestyle of an 18yo and a father of 3 - aren’t very compatible.

I agree if he's an ex and there are no ties it's none of her business. No need for her to even know to be discussing it with him.

However he has 3 dc and it's not clear if they are joint dc? Not sure I'd be overly impressed with my DC's dad getting together with a barely 18yo

Iamclearlyamug · 18/07/2023 21:35

I was 17 when I met my exH, he was nearly 27. Seemed fine at the time (to me) but looking back now I can see why people thought the way they did.

I wouldn't like my daughter dating someone that age when she's 17 🤦‍♀️

WellThisWentWell · 18/07/2023 21:36

Of course it’s gross.
And his a predator.
Must be dissapointing to know that you at some point loved and had kids with a man who turned out to be just like the rest of them, a creep 😔

Original poster
Lafoosa · 18/07/2023 21:44

@hev126 they are joint DCs, and I don't really want some teenager potentially being around my kids. Or my kids to think it's normal that their dad is dating a teenager, because it's weird af and not okay. She's only a year older than my little sister, and no way in hell I'd be okay with my sister dating a 26yo.
Obviously he's my ex so it's not by business what he does, but it is my business when it comes to my kids, and other people's kids even if their kid is 18. Who would honestly be alright with their daughter dating a guy who's nearly 27 when they're still a teenager?
It's creepy, and I don't really want him getting it into my daughters heads that when they're teens dating much older men is okay.

OP posts:
SpaceRaiders · 18/07/2023 21:56

It’s predatory. I would not like my daughter dating a man 10 years older. Not much you can do about it though.

PureLife89 · 18/07/2023 22:04

Move on

Doggymummar · 18/07/2023 22:06

When he introduces them in a couple of years or so it won't seem so bad.

blacksax · 18/07/2023 22:18

My DH is 8 years older than me, and this chap is 9 years older than her. Most young women of 18 don't look like adolescent girls anyway, they look like adults. When I was that age, I thought most blokes of a similar age to me were unbelievably crass and immature.

hev126 · 18/07/2023 22:22

Lafoosa · 18/07/2023 21:44

@hev126 they are joint DCs, and I don't really want some teenager potentially being around my kids. Or my kids to think it's normal that their dad is dating a teenager, because it's weird af and not okay. She's only a year older than my little sister, and no way in hell I'd be okay with my sister dating a 26yo.
Obviously he's my ex so it's not by business what he does, but it is my business when it comes to my kids, and other people's kids even if their kid is 18. Who would honestly be alright with their daughter dating a guy who's nearly 27 when they're still a teenager?
It's creepy, and I don't really want him getting it into my daughters heads that when they're teens dating much older men is okay.

100% agree with all of this. I wouldn't want that in my DC's life either. It's sick and doesn't exactly set an example of what's "normal" to them either.

If any of your DC's are girls it'd be interesting to see how your ex feels if she starts dating an sleazy old pervert when she's a teen

CuriouslyDifferent · 18/07/2023 22:22

I’d rather my 18 year old dated someone a little bit older than someone the same age.

being blunt, 18 year old guys are idiots.

mind you, there’s plenty of 28, 38, 47 year old guys who are idiots.

I think it depends on who the guy is and if it’s an 18 year old child or an 18 year old adult. If you can get what I mean.

As a guy, i didn’t start dating til I was 27, after a relationship which broke me at 21…. Didn’t help being butt ugly and poor, but I was broken and no way I was ready for anyone else. When I did, professionally I was 27, emotionally and in relationships I was younger, and ultimately always had partners who were between 8 to 12 years younger, Til I realised that girls under 25 were a waste of my time and fleeting, which isn’t what ibwas looking for. I wasn’t predatory, tbh, more shy and inexperienced than anything else and I doubt more mature women wouldn’t find me attractive. Now I’m older, rich, distinguished, much happier in myself and have an amazing adopted ready baked family that i treat as my own and have done for 12 years, But still a 12 year age difference, with her in her early forties.

predators come in all shapes - don’t rely solely on age as a distinguishing feature.

hev126 · 18/07/2023 22:25

blacksax · 18/07/2023 22:18

My DH is 8 years older than me, and this chap is 9 years older than her. Most young women of 18 don't look like adolescent girls anyway, they look like adults. When I was that age, I thought most blokes of a similar age to me were unbelievably crass and immature.

Just because teenagers (as that's what she is) look older doesn't mean it's ok for an older man to take advantage. An 8/9/10 yr age difference in your late 20s/30s and older is entirely different to a divorced dad of 3 dating someone barely out of school.

Appreciate 18 yo boys may seem immature to 18 yo girls but when I was that age I was dating 20/21 yo men.

It's not even just age, it's life experience here. A father of 3 and a teenager is just sick imo

Nuttkin · 18/07/2023 22:31

IMO he's too old but they're dating. It's not like she's moved in. He can have a sexual relationship with an 18 year old if he wants, there's no point giving it any headspace at all

Proudofitbabe · 18/07/2023 22:45

It's not the gap itself but a 27 year old pursuing a teenager, and with 3 kids in the mix, is totally weird. I don't think there's a lot you can do though.

AffIt · 19/07/2023 03:04

Christ.

I was an idiot when I was 18, but even so, I had higher standards than to date a bloke almost ten years older than me with a failed marriage and three kids in tow.

Not to worry, OP, she'll wise up soon.

SplendidUtterly · 19/07/2023 04:57

I bet he deletes his browser history after every use.

Bookworm20 · 19/07/2023 10:39

Yes thats grim. If my dd started dating a 27 year old at barely 18 years of age, I'd be thinking what the fuck is wrong with him!

No wonder he is an ex.

Not much you can do about the kids seeing her, just hope she is lovely with them to be honest. She may be really nice and has just been hooked in by this seemingly charming older man.

I think in your situation, i'd maybe speak to her when you drop dc off if you can and just give her 'if you need anything or need to know anything, let me know' kind of gesture. She is very young. Very likely he's painted her a picture of a wonderful future and she's fallen for it (haven't we all at some point as teenagers).

H112 · 19/07/2023 12:34

What a predator

WotNoUserName · 19/07/2023 12:49

When I was 17 I started going out with a 27 with 2 kids. We were together 24 years, had kids of our own before splitting up (due to his alcoholism, not trading me in for a younger model) We met at the pub. Big group of us of all ages used to hang out there.

Now I'm older I wonder why my mum wasn't bothered, but it's not like I would have listened to her anyway.

I loved his kids though, still do. I really wanted my own, so I can see why I was attracted to a man that had kids and was a good dad (before said alcoholism reared it's ugly head)

MumGMT · 19/07/2023 16:14

CuriouslyDifferent · 18/07/2023 22:22

I’d rather my 18 year old dated someone a little bit older than someone the same age.

being blunt, 18 year old guys are idiots.

mind you, there’s plenty of 28, 38, 47 year old guys who are idiots.

I think it depends on who the guy is and if it’s an 18 year old child or an 18 year old adult. If you can get what I mean.

As a guy, i didn’t start dating til I was 27, after a relationship which broke me at 21…. Didn’t help being butt ugly and poor, but I was broken and no way I was ready for anyone else. When I did, professionally I was 27, emotionally and in relationships I was younger, and ultimately always had partners who were between 8 to 12 years younger, Til I realised that girls under 25 were a waste of my time and fleeting, which isn’t what ibwas looking for. I wasn’t predatory, tbh, more shy and inexperienced than anything else and I doubt more mature women wouldn’t find me attractive. Now I’m older, rich, distinguished, much happier in myself and have an amazing adopted ready baked family that i treat as my own and have done for 12 years, But still a 12 year age difference, with her in her early forties.

predators come in all shapes - don’t rely solely on age as a distinguishing feature.

She's not relying solely on age.
She's his ex, I'm sure she knows plenty about him.

Aa an outsider I think the age is predatory.

I also think that the fact that he has 3 kids and he went after a teenager says A LOT about him. Decent men don't do that. A decent man would think a teenager should be out enjoying their freedom.

guineacup · 19/07/2023 16:58

A 27 yo man with a 18 yo woman isn't really anything to get too het up about...

CerberusWoof · 19/07/2023 17:35

If he were doing something illegal, abusive or neglectful towards the kids, you would have a role in stopping it. As it is, you don't get a say in more general questions about whether his lifestyle or relationship choices accord with your values or not. That's a right you lose when you split up with someone.

And I don't understand the significance of going after her "as soon as she turns 18". The age of consent is 16.

MumGMT · 19/07/2023 18:04

@CerberusWoof
She can't stop it but can still be concerned and disgusted by it.

And I don't understand the significance of going after her "as soon as she turns 18". The age of consent is 16.

How disingenuous 🙄🤮🤮